Wednesday, June 20, 2012

What Kind of Mom

I know what kind of mom I am. It's the "just get my kid a fucking scoop of ice cream" kind. And I'll tell you what that means.

For Fathers Day we went down the shore again. Noticing a theme? Yeah, if we have free time, which is like, never, we try to make the most of it. Usually that means going somewhere near a large body of water, a good meal, and possibly some ice cream. This was no different. Except we hadn't eaten in any of the restaurants in Long Branch in awhile. We used to go to Rooney's but the last two times we were there we had really disappointing service and the food wasn't great either. We'd gone to McLoone's and I remember it being good, but just decided not to try there. Figured they'd be booked for Fathers Day.

There was this other restaurant- Avenue. I couldn't tell if it was fancy or not. I peeked in and it didn't look overly fancy. They also had outdoor seating with wooden tables so it was a bit deceiving. When you're on a beach and see wooden tables outside it can go either way. I definitely thought it was more casual. A family of four with two kids who looked under 10 yrs old had just been seated before us so I just assumed it was kid friendly.

It was weird- I asked the maitre d if they have high chairs and he said, "We're not too snooty to have high chairs" or something like that. He was trying to be funny, but I wasn't asking for that reason- you just never know what the deal is with high chairs. Recently we went somewhere that only had boosters. (Yes, my 3.5 yr old still sits in a high chair- that's how I like it. He doesn't know there is another option, he's fine with it and it keeps him sitting still). If they hadn't had high chairs I might have opted out of eating there. But I should've taken that comment as a sign.

Our waiter was pretentious as hell, to say the least. First, I don't understand how as a beach restaurant, no matter how highbrow, they don't have a kids menu or something REASONABLE for a child. I had to order him a SEVENTEEN DOLLAR hamburger. Really? Obviously you're going to have tourists. That's what the Jersey shore is about. This isn't the Hamptons as much as they'd like to pretend. Sure there are more kid friendly restaurants. There is a Stewart's across the street. But how about a happy medium. B and I want to eat nice but I also don't want to have to pay $17 for a hamburger for E. Although I've now gotten three meals out of it for him. I made it worth it for me monetarily. Anyway I asked the guy what this meat dish (that I can't tell you because I can't spell it) and he told me with the air of "you must be a moron". I didn't want to ask anymore questions so that's what I ordered.

B's meal and my meal both came with dessert. I did a $30 price fixed thing of an appetizer/entree/dessert. So when it came time for dessert, I couldn't leave E with nothing. He's simple- he's THREE. I asked the woman who was obsessively cleaning off our table every three seconds, if I could just get E a plain scoop of vanilla. She looked scared. She ran off to get our waiter. He came back and said he heard we wanted a dessert menu. I said, "No, can I just a scoop of vanilla for him? Both my husband and my dinner came with dessert so I just want to order him a scoop of vanilla....". He just looked at me disdainfully and said, "well, we have ice cream with berries.....". My head almost just spun off my neck and exploded. Without freaking out I just stopped him and said, "I JUST WANT A SCOOP OF VANILLA. THAT. IS. IT.". He pursed his lips, said "ok" and walked away. I just wanted to scream at him- "just give me a motherfucking scoop of vanilla. A fucking scoop! If you want to charge me $10 for it, I'll be furious but do what you have to do and get me some ice cream for my kid.". But I didn't say that. I did seriously feel like Shirley Maclaine in Terms of Endearment when Debra Winger was in the hospital and Shirley was trying to get her daughter the pain meds.

Let me say, I am EXTREMELY nice to wait staff. I have NEVER sent something back in my life nor have I ever disparaged or spoke rudely to a waiter/ess. But this was ridiculous. I mean, seriously, I'm telling you I don't need a whole thing- all I need is a scoop of ice cream. It's not difficult to just give someone what they're asking for, especially when it comes to a child. I don't care how fancy your restaurant is- I don't think it's a big deal to just give someone what they want, within reason. I certainly don't think I gave him an unreasonable request. My dessert was coming with vanilla ice cream so I knew they had it. And you know what- if it's against the rules, bring out your manager to explain it.

I'm not being difficult, really. But we take E everywhere out to eat. We try to pick family friendly restaurants when we can, but we also don't always know till we're in and sitting what we're getting into. I'm not going to google reviews when we're on the fly. I'm not even saying every restaurant has to have different items than they'd normally serve to accommodate children but how about just modifying some adult dishes? Instead of the $17 giant hamburger meal, offer two sliders for $10-$12 or something. It's still pricey but it's more of "kids meal" than what I had to order. Otherwise, when I ask for a high chair, instead of making a weird goofy joke, say, we have them but we're not really kid friendly. It's up to you and we'd love to have you, but we don't have a kids menu either. I'd appreciate the honesty.

All in all- the food was fine. It wasn't the best I ever had in my life. What I will tell you is that we won't be going back unless it's an adult only outing.

But the day was still good. We got a decent amount of time on the beach. E loved playing in the sand. B didn't get to relax or anything because E wanted to play with him, but I guess that's what Fathers Day is really about. E loves, loves, loves his daddy and there is nothing more fun to him than playing with him. At the end of every day he's telling me "I want my daddy!" so B is obviously doing something right. We sunned, we ate, we played and we did eventually get some ice cream- all in all, a very nice day. Oh, and just FYI- our "Wonder Wheeler" cart came in super handy!


  1. Love this!!! We are SO very similar!!!

  2. I can just picture your face during this! Some people are just rude... so rude that they shouldn't be providing service to people face-to-face. I always knew I couldn't be a waitress - I can't hide the "Aimee-Face"... you know! And even IF the food WAS the best in the word... if the service sucks or they can't make a simple, small accommodation for a guest, who wants to go back?

  3. And you should've seen how they gave it to me. In a giant square dish- like as if he purposefully wanted me to see the dish it's supposed to come in and how silly it looked all lonely, literally one tiny little scoop, in this specially presented dish. It was actually quite comical at that point. He had quite a time trying to eat it out of there. Listen, I wouldn't take him anywhere I feel he'd annoy people but I think every restaurant should be ready for anything and that includes kids. Ethan is very well behaved in restaurants and we shouldn't have to eat in a shithole because we have a kid. I want him to learn how to eat in any kind of place.