We all know that I don't really cook. However, since being on Wegovy, there is just no joy in food. Period. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just really weird. It feels weird and a little sad. Not sad enough to stop the injections, but you really have to learn to have a new relationship with food.
All this time, my whole life, food ruled my brain. It was- what was I going to eat, when, how much. I have never been a foodie, as in, I have a child's palate. I don't eat spicy, exotic, fusion, or anything remotely even interesting. I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches my entire school career. I love vodka sauce. Garlic knots. Pizza. You get the idea.
Now, food rules my brain, but in a different way. By the time it's like one or two o'clock, I think to myself that I have to find something to eat. Nothing seems appealing. Every now and again, something sounds good and I jump on it, but there's no guarantee that it isn't going to turn on me halfway through. It doesn't make me sick or anything, but the thought of it is just gross and I have to throw it away.
So far, pizza has been okay, but not all pizza. I used to LOVE the chicken parm pizza from this certain local place. I don't know what happened, but I was eating a slice and halfway through it turned. Had to throw it out and now the thought of it is gross to me. From the same place, I love their Hawaiian pizza and luckily, that hasn't turned. Wonton soup also seems to work for me. Wonton soup, an egg roll, and pork fried rice is a perfect meal. Except I can't finish the soup and I can only take a few bites of the rice. But it tastes good.
The weight is melting off though. I haven't seen this weight since around my fortieth birthday. My body looks different than when I was thirty or forty, but I'll still take it. I don't actually notice the weight gone when I look in the mirror, naked, before jumping in the shower. It's more that I have a few articles of clothing I keep to try on and that's my barometer of my weight. They fit now and I couldn't even get them on a few months ago.
I do miss enjoying the limited number of food items I did eat before though. I used to LOVE and look forward to garlic knots with vodka sauce. I don't even think to get them now and I don't even know if I could even eat them if I did. I like being thin better, but it just feels so strange to be so ambivalent about food.
My friend Kate said maybe that's how we're really supposed to be- ambivalent about food. We overeat because it tastes good and we don't have self control, but maybe that's not how our bodies are designed to work. So, these drugs work by making our bodies do what they're really supposed to do. I don't know if that's true or not, but I can tell you it was definitely hard to change the mindset of thinking I want something, mentally, but then getting it and not actually being able to eat it because of no physical desire.
I normally eat dessert every night. Some kind of cookie, cupcake, brownie, whatever. I was on a Chipwich kick for awhile or Skinny Cow ice cream cones. I've ALWAYS looked forward to dessert. Now, I think I want it, but I'm not sure what I want, and then it never seems to taste as good as it did, or I thought it would. I also can't finish what once seemed like a small portion. Prior to Wegovy, if I had a cupcake, I'd still be looking to eat something else after. Even if it was chips. I can't remember the last time I wanted or ate chips.
That's really about it. I'm still learning how to navigate this new relationship to food. I decided to stay at 1mg for a second month instead of going up to the next dose of 1.7 because it seems to be doing it's job, I haven't felt nauseated since the first or second week of the 1mg, so I seem to be at a good spot with the current dosage. People keep asking me how long I plan to be on it. I don't have an answer. I'll see how it goes. If insurance continues to pay, I'll continue to be on it. I don't have a problem giving myself the injections and I don't feel like I'm having any adverse effects. I don't necessarily have a goal weight. It's not just about weight though- I've really lessened the amount of candy I eat these days. I used to be able to polish off a bag of gummy bears or whatever and now it's a handful here and there, then I'm done. It feels good. I'll take it!
