Wednesday, September 10, 2014

They Wear Short Shorts

Sadly, this does exist.
Remember that Nair commercial in the 80's? "We wear short shorts...they wear short shorts..." Well, I'm reminded of this every time I leave the house and young girls are walking around. B thinks I'm obsessed with this shorts thing, because, I am. I just. don't. get. it. Rather, I didn't get it, until I actually went looking to see if there were any other options to even purchase besides what I call- Panty-shorts. Yes, that's what I said. Because they aren't any longer than underwear. B says that I should just get over it. That everyone wants to fit in and no one is going to buy Bermuda shorts when everyone else is wearing the shorties. When he looks back he remembers stupid looking trends but everyone just did it because it was the trend. He thinks they will look back and think they can't believe they wore them but just more like, "haha, what were we thinking??

Glen Rock is like Children of the Corn. I can't go outside my store on any given afternoon without running into a gaggle of girls. And they all look the same. Luckily, at least in Glen Rock, maybe because it's such a sporting town, the girls are fit enough to get away with such tiny shorts. But- I've seen plenty just out and about that just look totally uncomfortable. Where it looks like their Netherlands are screaming for help- just to be able to breathe.

The days of long shorts- JAMS
When I was in high school- New Milford, NJ- the rule was that you couldn't wear shorts until June 1st and they had to be as long as the end of your fingertips if your arms were at your sides. This was actually fine because it was the 80's-early 90's so Jams were really in. Short shorts wasn't really a "thing". Good for me because I never had nice legs. Here in GR, shorts are good any time. But with no real guidelines. Until you get in trouble by the principal.

Short shorts have been "in" now for at least a few years and I see no sign of this trend going away. If I can see the fold of skin where your butt meets your leg though, it's just way ridiculous. That is underwear.

My first question has been- has no one noticed this? I know there are "ass-men" out there. And if you think it's gross that I'm even mentioning ass-men and teen girls' tushes in the same thought process- it is totally gross. But if the butts are only class in panty-shorts, bet YOUR ass, someone inappropriate is looking. Or someone is inappropriately looking. Either way, WHY are these shorts selling, why are they being bought, and why does it seem like there is very little outrage?

I'm no prude. I've been told I have a mouth like a drunken sailor. But my ass is always covered. I mean, I'm 40. My ass should be covered- it's 40. And I'm not Heidi Klum. I'm just wondering what the appeal is of camel toe, even at sixteen. I'm not saying they need to wear khakis or long modesty skirts. There is a just definitely a way to look stylish and trendy without needing a cuchini or showing off all the goodies.

A close family friend of ours, who is a tween and her sister, who is a teen, wear tiny shorts. She allowed me to take a photo of her in her usual shorting attire. Now I will admit, both sisters have nice figures, and don't actually look "slutty" in their tiny shorts. They look...sporty. They don't really wear make-up or if they do, it's extremely tasteful. They don't pair their shorts with cleavage bearing or tight tops either. It's almost like- from head to waist, they look like they could be going to some kind of sporting practice or dance class, and then it's like- "Oops, I forgot my pants!" BUT, one of them got in trouble in school for "too short shorts". I happened to be at their house that day and got into a discussion about it. The trouble for the shorts can actually affect grades. I'm not sure how it works- maybe like a demerit that accumulates? I don't know.

I had also heard Jenny McCarthy talking about this shorts dilemma on The View one day in the spring or beginning of summer. She mentioned that "regular" shorts aren't even available anywhere. So they get in trouble at school, but everyone is wearing the same thing, and no stores that kids today actually shop in sell anything longer. THEY ALL WEAR THESE. I'm using her as an example because she let me. And I goof on her. And I would have killed for her legs. Her shorts aren't any worse than the rest of them. We go to the mall every weekend and see tons of girls. Definitely not all as fit as the ones in town either. And definitely not all covered on top like the ones here. But- ALL the girls look the same. I measured these (below) from waistband to end and they are SEVEN inches.

I decided to go on a scavenger hunt of sorts for longer shorts.
They girls were pretty much correct. I had a really hard time finding anything I would consider suitable. I didn't go to a lot of places, but I did go to Hollister, Abercrombie, and Aeropostale. All of them had panty-shorts. Abercrombie had like two pair of longer ones in a SEA of tiny butt-baring shorts. Even the athletic shorts I saw were more like the "spanky" things cheerleaders wear under their skirts. Like, in Bring It On. Or the ones The Children's Place sells for toddlers who don't know how to "sit like a lady" yet.
A&F "longer shorts"
What to do? Realistically, today's trendy teens aren't going to buy their shorts in places like JCPenny's. Or whatever is the dorky store du jour. Sorry JCPenny's but you're not known as a bastion of hot trends. Jams aren't in now and I get all that. There just HAS to be some kind of happy medium. Unless this is just a joke on parents by the manufacturers who just like to see a little mom-teen drama.

There is no current "answer" - I guess we're just going to keep seeing butts until grunge fully comes back in? But the girls could take some responsibility and maybe get creative. Cut your old jeans to a little longer than the pockets hanging out the bottom. Buy a size up so that your camels aren't showing their toes. Girls- you can still look cool with all your parts just a little more covered up. It doesn't LOOK good when you're picking denim out of your ass.

Oh...the only reason to be happy for impending colder weather, I suppose, is covered private parts. Just call me grandma I guess.

1 comment:

  1. I was looking for articles about trends in shorts. That is how I came across this blog of yours. I know this post is over a year old, but most of what you wrote seems to still hold true.