Thursday, April 30, 2015

Wyckoff Dog Shot

B: Did you see that story about the dog getting shot by the police officer in Wyckoff?
Me: I saw there was an article but I didn't get to read it.
B: It's a weird story. First- I know it's a dog, not a kid. But you know, people think of their dogs as family, as their kids... He went to the wrong house. He saw an open window, a German Shepherd came out, he says it latched on to his boot, he's fine, but then he shot the dog four times. I think the people who called that they think someone is breaking into their neighbors house saw it all but it was a confusing article.

I just went and looked up the story. WHAT THE F??? SERIOUSLY?? I don't know what happened to news. I don't know what happened to journalism. I've written about this before. I have to say something again. I went to look up the story and THERE IS LITTLE TO NO INFORMATION!

Why even report stories when they're totally incomplete? It's like- "Ooh! I just need to get info out first! I don't care if there is barely any info so far, if it's correct, if the writing makes any sense! Let's just GIT 'ER OUT!" At first I thought it was just one particular news outlet with this particular problem. But no, that one actually HAD as much of the facts as one could expect, this time.

But I expect better of you.

Here was the article-- AFTER it says "updated 11:27am". THIS is updated???

WYCKOFF— A township police officer fatally shot a dog Wednesday after going to the wrong address on a burglary call, Wyckoff Police Chief Benjamin Fox said.
Wyckoff Police received a call of a possible burglary at 3:45 p.m. at 621 Lawlins Rd.
But Officer Kyle Ferreira mistakenly went to 622 Lawlins Rd., Fox said. No one responded when he knocked on the door, so he walked around the house.

He passed through an unlocked fence gate and went to the rear of the house, where he saw an open window. Ferreira drew his service revolver. He thought the window could have been a point of entry for the reported burglary and didn't know if any suspects were at the scene, Fox said.
At that point, "a large, growling German Shepherd lunged out of the open window, bit the officer on his right foot and latched onto his boot," Fox said. Ferreira fired at the dog four times to get him to let go, striking him twice.

Wyckoff animal control took the dog to an animal hospital, but it died, Fox said.
No one was home during the incident, but the homeowners were notified, Fox said. They left the window open to allow the dog to let himself into and out of the home.
Ferreira was uninjured.

Myles Ma may be reached at Follow him on Twitter @MylesMaNJ. Find on Facebook.

Here is the Cliffview Pilot article, with significantly more information. Although, I don't know if this is really considered news or speculation since it has no official stamp on it by anyone, except that it is "an account of what happened that was posted on Facebook". But, hey, it's more information than we usually get in news stories lately.:

NOTICE THE GLARING DIFFERENCE IN THE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION. Hey Miles- why did you even bother writing about it?? You might as well have just tweeted out- "Dog shot in Wyckoff. Wrong house. Don't feel like finding out more" #Dog #Shot #Dead #Police #Wyckoff

Nevermind that I still want to know what exactly is the protocol for something like this? It would be helpful to tell concerned citizens if there is any kind of law to help when you dog is shot due to negligence. That would be something THE PEOPLE SHOULD BE TOLD. THAT IS PART OF THE FARKING NEWS. IS there going to be further investigation?? Was this a veteran officer? A new officer?

I still have many questions. Many questions. Is anyone doing any real reporting? Hello? Bueller?

My heart goes out to Otto's family. RIP Otto. I'm sure there could've been a better, different, outcome in that situation. Pepper spray? Another question- Do cops carry pepper spray? Did this guy have it on him? Why did he shoot FOUR times? Why did he miss twice? HELLO???!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Dance With Me- Party Tomorrow!

This is an email I got today from Dance With Me- the studio owned by the Dancing With The Stars guys. Thought I'd share if anyone was interested!

Hi Tara,
Just wanted to remind you that tomorrow at is our new student Guest Party at every Dance With Me studio!  
Are you new to dance? Have never taken a lesson before? Curious to know how much fun we have in our studios? Then this is perfect for you! 
Do you know someone who could use some dancing in their life, or wants to have fun and meet new people? Be a good friend and forward them this email! 
Our special guest party is tomorrow, April 30 at 7:30pm in all tri-state studios except SoHo!  SoHo will start at 8:30 because we all know NYC is the city that never sleeps. ;)  
Here's what to expect:
  • A beginner group class introducing you to the fundamentals of dance
  • Group social dancing 
  • Party games and group exercises
  • Meet some awesome people who are beginners just like you
  • Light alcoholic refreshments 
  • Snacks and beverages
  • A warm welcome from the Dance With Me family!
FREE ADMISSION for newcomers and existing DWM students that bring a guest ;) 
If you've ever wanted to just see what our studios are all about, in a casual and relaxed setting, then come on down! 
Our teachers are trained to get even the most beginner students dancing right away! 
Bring as many friends as you'd like and let's have some fun. The more the merrier! 
We will have the next guest party on the last thursday of next month, May 28!
Contact your local studio from more information:
DWM Fort Lee, NJ: 201-941-7797
DWM Glen Head, NY: 516-656-9500
DWM Glen Rock, NJ: 201-447-4200
DWM SoHo, NYC: 212-840-3262
DWM Stamford, CT: 203-674-8100
See you on the dance floor tomorrow!
The Dance With Me Family
Dance With Me Studios   466 Broome Street    New York  NY   10013   USA

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


This is turning into a pretty serious post week unfortunately. I feel the need to speak out about what's going on in Baltimore. And the reactions to it.

Everyone knows I love, crave, and need balance. In everything. I even make my pb&j with the exact same amount of peanut butter ratio to the amount of jelly. I'm very lucky, it seems, that I've weeded *most* of my Facebook friends down to very few ignorant people. There are still a few left, but I've kept them there with the hope that maybe my words could penetrate them somehow, someday. I really had an affection for them way back when so I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt that they can see the light. However, I have seen a few things already today in my feed that are borderline racist, so before it gets full blown and I do find myself not wanting to be associated with such narrow-minded people, I have a few things to say.

I'm on a message board where a friend of mine posted a Facebook status of a friend of hers that really resonated with me. So I'm going to take what that person said and elaborate on it from my own thoughts.

This past week Dr.Derek Shepard was killed off Grey's Anatomy after an eleven year run. Fans of the show were outraged and hysterical. To the point that they made a petition to Shonda Rimes about it. They want Derek back. I mean, hysterics! Over a TV character. I get it. I watch Grey's still. I'm invested. But I'm not signing a petition to get him back and I really can't believe that is what motivates people to action. I know, I know- they don't really have to *do* anything but click some buttons. It's not like they have to make posters, march or go door to door with a clipboard. People are angry though, so this is their hill to die on. Except they're not dead. And Patrick Dempsey is still rich, white, and alive.

Some are not so lucky. To be alive.

I have friends who are not Caucasian. I have friends who are Caucasian, who have bi-racial children. Some of those bi-racial children could "pass for white". And some look like they could have two black biological parents. Those parents of children of color have nothing but worries on their hands, still, in this country in 2015. They have to worry that their child could get shot just walking down the right street at the wrong time, just for wearing a hoodie, or carrying a toy. These are not things that the average Caucasian parent has to worry about.

I can't even say I can really fathom that worry and I *AM* a minority. But I'm Still. Not. Black. I'm Jewish. Anti-Semitism is at an all time scary high these days too. But I still am WHITE. I am not going to have the same fears as my friend whose beautiful son is the color of my skinny vanilla latte but with a stylin', clearly African American afro. My son is not going to have to assume he's probably going to get pulled over for no reason. Her son will live with that assumption. If you're WHITE, and you're NOT married to a person of color and/or have a child of color, you CANNOT understand this to the fullest extent. My heart breaks for my friends and others who have to explain to their elementary school aged sons that it won't happen to them, knowing they can't make that promise.

We can sympathize. We can feel sad. We can try to impart change. But we cannot walk in their shoes. And that's where the ignorance comes in.

I'm not anti-cop. I'm not even that damn the man anymore. I certainly don't think looting or setting fires helps any cause. It's NOT one or the other. You can be pro-cops, anti-violence, and still believe that we need change. The current way of existing ISN'T WORKING.

I was reminded of the first and only time I understood a Republican's point of view. A friend of mine, a teacher, explained to me why she considers herself a Republican. She explained that she's a really awesome teacher who is thoroughly prepared, and then some, all the time. She takes pride in her amazing lesson plans and creativity. Then she is expected to share all her work and ideas with the crappy teacher who does no planning and no work. That teacher is tenured and basically just shows up. Then she asked how that's fair. In that example, it makes sense. Because it's a job, she takes seriously, and does to the best of her ability. This person is a peer and just riding her coattails. There weren't extraneous details that factor into all the reasons I totally disagree with pretty much every other Republican platform but in a work place scenario, in her scenario, I get it. You come to work and do your best so you expect that from your peers. When your peers suck, you have every right to have a problem with them. In this Baltimore case, and I'm sure in many others that came before it, someone, or a lot of someones should've been speaking up and out against their sucky coworkers.

I want to know why we don't see more great cops, speaking out, outraged & disgusted by the behavior of the ones who have been capable of such deplorable behavior. If not even for the gravity of the actions, but for sullying their profession as a whole. I feel like some professions are like a fraternity- you just don't speak out against your brother. Again, I'm in no WAY anti-cop. I'm anti-asshole. Of any color and any profession. You can't just give the excuse- well, you don't know what it is to be an officer either. No, I don't. And I respect the authority immensely. BUT, I know in every profession there is corruption, and just plain poor examples of human beings. Just knowing that there are going to be people who act in a manner unbecoming of their profession, should be enough to question behaviors and want to delve much deeper.

Ferguson, Baltimore...these areas have been bubbling like boiling pot. Just waiting to spill over. They aren't jumping on police cars and setting fires out of nowhere, just because it seemed cool to do. The tension finally hit the all time high and exploded. How about taking a look at that? The who, the what, and the WHY that caused the problems. There is no report that says Freddie Gray actually did anything but lock eyes with the police. Somehow, mysteriously, he died of a spinal cord injury, in police custody. THAT, is a problem. That is just one example of what it means to live a life under suspicion at all times, for not being white. It should be a problem for ALL.

Why are there just two sides? Black and white- not even to make a pun. Instead of just blindly "Standing with the Police" or cheering on the rioters or joining in, how about some understand and compassion. For everyone. For the good cops, fireman, first responders and civilians caught in the crossfire. Not "blue lives matter". Not "black lives matter". How about "ALL LIVES MATTER".

I could go on and on till I'm *blue* in the face, giving reasons why the situation has escalated to the point of rioting and fires. I'm not going to though. You can Google some history for that lesson. I'm done being the Google concierge for now. I've learned that only those with open minds will bother to try to dig deeper to learn about the injustices done for years upon years to people just due to the color of their skin. To take into consideration the fear it takes some just to walk around at night or drive a car in certain neighborhoods doing nothing but minding their business. To care about being part of trying to make this a better place for all of our children. You have to want to try to understand the sociology of what's going on. Not just see it for what you see happening on the Nightly News.

The memes aren't funny, the racism doesn't get a pass. Put something up that screams ignorant racist, I will quietly just unfriend you without hesitation. Care or don't- I'm just putting it out there that I don't want to be associated with that kind of stupidity. I'm really hoping it isn't there or at least that I don't see it going further. Instead of crying over McDreamy and signing petitions to get him his job back, think about what's really important. The kind of world you want your children to live in. The kind of people you want those children to be. Think about why you're outraged at the response but not outraged that a man is dead for no good reason and no one can explain why. No one, including me, is condoning violence. I'm asking, begging, that instead of sharing nonsense on social media, perpetuating deep seeded hate and racism on any side, that you push for change. Or at least just don't swim in the cesspool of ignorance.

Monday, April 27, 2015


Not that Bruce. Jersey people will get that reference. I'm talking about Bruce Jenner, not Springsteen, though. So much has been said, that I thought I might not bother. I wasn't very inspired to write most of this April but it seems like anything of interest has occurred at the end of the month. I do feel like I should say something because it's important subject matter, even if it feels like old news already.

I have to preface this by saying, believe it or not, I've seen maybe ONE partial episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I've definitely never seen any of their spin-off shows. They're just not interesting to me. I know I've definitely watched what someone would consider "worse" or possible more offensive reality shows. And enjoyed them fully. Just something about these people renders them completely unappealing to me. Same with Teen Mom. I know people love it, especially the OG crew. Just not my cup of tea. Neither was Bruce Jenner. I am not into sporting. I'm too young (I AM) to have been very in the know or excited by his sporting triumphs. Nor do I care about sports. Even hearing that there were possibilities Bruce was cross dressing or transitioning didn't get me to turn the show on.

I wasn't even sure I would watch the interview. As I've said, I watch Wendy Williams. She is always talking about the whole K family. I'm going to use "she" in reference to Bruce for the rest of this because that's her gender. Wendy was sympathetic towards Bruce's struggle but she admonished her for being a fame whore like the rest of them. She said she should be focused on other things. Like that her seventeen year old daughter is a high school drop out dating a man in his mid to late twenties. For some reason, even though I'd seen just a bit of an episode, I didn't agree. I didn't feel like she was going to do the interview or the following reality show for fame. She already has fame. Even if she didn't do the interview, if she was going to continue going out in public in women's clothing, ponytails, and nail polish, then she was going to be in the media. On other people's terms. This way, at least there is some semblance of control. And possibly helping someone else. Like it or not, being who she is, who "he" WAS, it's a really big deal. This wasn't Chazz Bono, a woman who transitioned to a man. Bruce was a man, revered for his athletic ability- his "manliness" saying he is really a she. It's huge. I was going to watch to basically see Bruce prove Wendy wrong.

Bruce Jenner is brave. Extremely brave. There is no other way to say it and no way to diminish that. She is brave. However, I also feel like she didn't have a choice. It was like a witch hunt. It seems like out in Los Angeles- you have two choices. You can be (the old) Sean Penn or Alec Baldwin with the paparazzi & media or you decide- ok, I will just give them what they want and maybe they'll be more respectful. They were going to chase her relentlessly anyway. She could keep running & keep being a joke to late night talk show hosts and radio people, etc. or she could just put it all out there to stop all the speculation. Because NOW, it's going to be un-PC (a word?) to be as cruel as people publicly have been. Before there was no concrete proof so I feel like people felt like it was ok to goof on her.

I do think that the Diane Sawyer interview helped, not hindered, the "cause" of bringing transgender issues out into the light for better understanding. I saw some comments from people that I don't tend to think of as the most sensitive or sharpest crayon in the box that were definitely of the more open minded variety. AFTER seeing the interview. Where as prior to the interview, they may have made some Bruce jokes themselves or contributed to the joking in some Facebook threads.

So, yes, I think it shed some light on some dark minds. I just don't feel like she should have felt pressured to do it. Pressure comes in many forms. No one put a gun to her head, but no one was going to leave her alone either. The only way to at least lessen the jokes and speculation would be to put it out there. THEN, if you make jokes, you're a dick. Or at least many of us think you're the dick. Make no mistake, I thought it before, but make the joke now, all I'm thinking is, "Seriously?". I really feel like some otherwise funny people, famous and not, are going for very low hanging fruit for laughs. I know I have a great sense of humor. I'm pretty funny myself. Transgender issues are just not something I find amusing. I'm not sure why it's funny to anyone. OH, people commit suicide over being transgendered! HAHA. It's even funnier when they can't look on the outside the way they felt they should've from birth! SO FUNNY!! It's downright hysterical when their families belittle and disown them! CRYLAUGHING! I know I can find a joke in there somewhere about how families send their kids to therapy to get the transgender out and fix them!


It's not funny that at sixty-five years old, after living with anguish, turmoil, and having to basically dress as a foreign gender for a whole life, she has to first learn how to be attractive and look the way she envisioned herself looking. It took me YEARS to get make-up, hair removal, wrinkle control, style, right. Or right for me. And I surely don't look like a supermodel on any random day. I got through trial and error relatively early in life. I had the luxury of being the same gender on the inside and out from the get-go. I feel for a man who has to learn all the womanly secrets of appearance that late in the game. With millions of eyes on her, waiting to pounce on any misstep, at every turn.

I don't believe that just because someone is famous they lose any and all right to privacy. Yes she was on a reality show so people will say she asked for it. Asked to be hunted down. But I disagree. She just seems like a nice person who rolls with the punches and is a people pleaser. She didn't set out to hurt anyone. As a married man, with kids- a religious guy, a CONSERVATIVE guy, I don't know that she thought there would ever be a time she would be able to live as her true self. She had two marriages, two divorces, and four kids under her belt. She'd already attempted to transition once, then backed out after taking hormones for FIVE years. She still stuffed it down. I'm going to assume that he had pretty much resigned himself to this just being her life. Then things with Kris went downhill and I think he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Not just from the KarTrashian mess, but from having to live as someone she isn't.

I have to also point out- For a man (as he was) with three ex's & ten kids, to have the unwavering support and kind words from two, possibly three, of the ex's and almost all the kids, that must mean something. Even if she didn't tell the WHOLE extent of it to Kris, on some level, she knew. Or she was completely delusional. If your man tells you he's been on female hormones for five years, I don't think there really IS any more to say after that. Except maybe- "Oh. We'll be great friends." Marriage comes off the table. She chose to ignore it or think she could change Bruce. In my opinion, Bruce just wanted to be loved and accepted. Bruce wanted a family. It's not uncommon for someone in the LGBT community to want to just feel "normal". To forgo their needs for what they perceive as normalcy. I'm guessing, for Bruce, at different times in her life, normalcy was more important than trying to go through the transition. Having lived with the secret for so long just became a way of life. Bruce says she loved Kris. Kris tells him that he'll be fine, this is more like a phase, or something she can just get out of her system at home, so Bruce is just agreeable. As Bruce had been for a lifetime already.

I'm just torn. I still just don't think it was anyone's business. I don't think she owed the public any explanation. It's a great story to spur conversation and understanding so all I can hope is that something good comes from her speaking out.

Unfortunately, people are still stupid and immature. I've seen people discussing on social media how nervous & odd acting she was during the interview. Picking apart every aspect of her appearance. It's just so ignorant. I've seen people who've lived in their gender their whole lives and still don't look spectacular. I'm pretty sure anyone in that position would be nervous. Public speaking is in the top three fears in humans. Try public speaking, that you're transgender, to millions of people, many who are watching just to see a spectacle, and see how you fare.

In in the end of the interview, she seemed happy, with lots of love and support, and that's really all that matters.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Go For It!

I first started writing this when saw a post like two weeks ago in a Facebook moms group asking other moms how difficult it was of a transition from two kids to three. The original poster said that her husband wants another baby or if not another baby, then to get rid of all the baby stuff laying around their house. She's on the fence about having a third. So she's crowdsourcing it. I didn't finish writing it because I know I've written about this subject before and I just didn't know if it was worth it.

Then, over the weekend, I saw another similar post. Someone on the fence about a second because of childcare and money concerns. By the time I saw it, there were already a ton of posts saying how awesome it is to have a litter of kids, it's hard financially, but they can't imagine life any other way. What tipped me into head explosion territory though, and caused me to revisit finishing this entry was the one who said- "I have four kids. I've never forgiven my parents for not giving me a sibling.". I am pretty sure I said WTF out loud. That girl needed therapy, not four kids. I had to jump into the post, of course, because it all sounded insane.

First, this whole idea of trying to make a decision about birthing another human and raising it based on other people's experiences sounds crazy to me. I get possibly asking close friends and/or family if you're tight. But to just ask a board of randoms how the transition was for them is about as helpful as asking if someone else can function enough to go to work with a migraine. Well, that would depend on many different things, none of which pertain to you! No one knows your life but you. Whether I can function at work with a migraine doesn't mean you can. What kind of work do we both do? How do we process pain? It is a desk job or dealing with people?

Regardless of how baffling the question is, equally as bizarre are the answers. Every time a question like this is asked, there have to be like more than fifty responses. Most of them are people with three, four and five kids, who don't know this woman from a hole in the wall, telling her to go for it. It's the best thing they ever did. They can't ever go anywhere and they're always worried or fighting with their spouse about money, but it's the most amazing thing watching them grow...

Well, sure, I'd assume they can't imagine life without all their kids. But just because someone wants something, doesn't mean they should have it. We all don't just get everything we want. It's not an exotic pet. It's a child. On the same board, at any given time of the day, someone is talking about how they have a bunch of kids, they are stressed about money, they can't work outside the home because they can't pay for childcare for all their kids, and want to know what kind of work they can do from home. Many of these people on the board, will just tell any woman on the board who asks about whether to have more kids, to "just do it". "Go for it!", or "Your fertility doesn't wait".

Go for it? What is it about parenthood that makes people so invested in OTHER people procreating? Why does no one ask the hard questions- like, "Do you have the finances to support another child in the way you'd want to raise them?". Because that's always my FIRST question. People love to say, "it'll just work out!" or "if you wait until you're financially ready, you'll never have a kid". Um, no. There is such a thing as being financially able. Or at least financially planned. Then there is financially secure. Finally, there is financially secure enough to do it the way you want to do it. How about thinking for a minute about reality vs fantasy? Is your desire to hit the number of kids you've always envisioned for yourself more important than being able to give them a life you want them to have. I'm not even talking about material things. How about experiences? Do you want to be able to eat out in restaurants? Go on vacations? Have them take classes, have birthday parties? Go to camp?

One mom flipped out on me saying that maybe some people have different values and value having more kids more than material things. That is true. But no matter what you value, basic needs have to be met. Food, clothes, a roof over your head. Electric. Heat. And you don't know someone else's situation. Like I said in the one thread, it's irresponsible to tell someone you don't even KNOW to just "go for it". The only correct answer is- "It's a very personal decision. If you're having trouble making it, go to a trusted advisor, with all your information and feelings, and see if they can help guide you". Sure, we can all give personal experiences. But if you don't live the same exact existence as I do, does it even matter? Otherwise, they're meerly just anecdotes. Further, the number one reason couples fight and/or divorce is money. A huge thing to think about: Is having a certain number of kids the priority or is staying married.

People always say you might regret not having one more but you'll never regret having that one more. That is totally false. I've been on message boards since I found them in the mid-90's. I've been through hundreds of "confession threads" someone says they have 2 or 3 and while they wouldn't be able to decide on which one to give back, they feel like they were only cut out to be a parent of one or one less. Because they're so tired, they have no money, no help, no time for themselves, they have to work but always envisioned themselves a stay-at-home-mom, etc.

Someone else said that it's difficult now, while they're small, but it will be so rewarding with all the kids and grandchildren. Do people not realize that their life as they knew it as kids does not just automatically replicate itself? There are no guarantees. No guarantees your kids are going to get along with their siblings or that they'll feel any obligation to see you or take care of you in your twilight years. Or that they're even going to have kids! I'm forty years old and I have one child. I have two siblings, neither of which have children. I have no idea if they ever will. And my mom passed away when my son was seven months old. So she had three kids, one grandkid and then she died. Good thing she wasn't a gambler, putting her money on getting to enjoy a house full of grandchildren. So I hope she didn't have the three of us with that expectation.

I just don't know why other people feel so compelled to want others in their baby factory club. It's SO strange to me! Never in my life have I told someone I think they should just take a leap and have a first child, let alone more.  I have no idea if having more kids would be a good or bad thing for anyone. Including people I know well. *I* didn't know how I'd be after having a child. When I was in my early twenties, I just assumed I'd have three children. I guess because my mother did. I didn't think any further than that. Until I reached thirty and had a totally different life than what I was living in my twenties. Then, having a child, I was totally different than I thought I would be once my son was born. Not in a good or bad way- just different. Everyone's life is different- more or less help, better or worse spouse or partner, more or less family around and/or involved. There are a ton of different factors. Money is a big one. It's a lot easier to manage a house full of kids when you have a nanny or family member helping out. Or even just knowing that money isn't an issue or something to stress over. Speaking of help, there are people who let their families and in-laws practically raise their kids and people who have no family and no (free) help whatsoever. Help makes a HUGE difference.

There is a couple I know peripherally. Many times when they post photos of their kid, there is someone who inevitably comments that it's time to have another. They make "beautiful kids" so they should have more. Or the pictures show their kid is happy so they're obviously good parents and should have more. I have no idea why anyone would tell someone they have nothing but a friendly connection with to have more kids. Because they'll most likely be attractive? Or that their lives look nice on social media so they owe it to themselves to procreate more? How do any of these reasons make sense? Every time this one person tells this couple to have more, I want to ask - "Why? Why do you DO that?? What if they CAN'T or just plain don't want to have more?? Is that not ok? Are they doing the world a disservice by not bringing more attractive children into the world?".

I was able to answer that original poster, and any going forward, in two words. Know yourself. Of course I couldn't leave it at those two words but that's the root of it all. Know yourself. Think about whether you can be content and happy with what you have. I know people with three and four kids. Some seem like a traveling shitshow of a circus all the time. Some seem like they should be giving YouTube seminars on how to parent a baseball team of kids while still looking put together while having kids and a home that look like they could be photographed for a magazine at the drop of a hat. No one can tell you which you'll be. I have friends who had postpartum depression and friends who seemed easy breezy after giving birth. And it was sometimes shocking with the ones who fell apart.

No one can tell you whether you should have another child. But until you can definitively tell yourself that you should and that you have a good reason, be honest with yourself. Don't fixate on a timeline or a certain number. Don't be guilted or pushed. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Think about the future and what you want out of life for you. How you want your kid(s) to be raised. What you want your social life and experiences to look like for all of you. Know that you aren't your parents. Be realistic about your job/work situation, life balance, and finances.

Realize that once one or more kids are here, you can't shove them back in.

Moms of many said in these threads that it's about sacrifice. You sacrifice to have this wonderful thing that is a giant family. We all sacrifice- whether we have one or one hundred. I have one, I'm not the poorest on the block, but I still sacrifice. In the name of trying to save some time and money, I've attempted on more than one occasion to give myself a Brazilian. I know better, but I also know what the fifty bucks can pay for. THAT, is sacrifice. But I'm not willing to sacrifice things for my KID that I don't *have* to just because I *want* a certain number of kids. I'm not sure that people understand what sacrifice really means. How about sacrificing that number you felt you needed to have, to give less children, more? I'm not saying that one is the magic number- I'm saying that being stretched too thin, for any number, one, two or twelve, is a sacrifice your children didn't ask to bear either. Sacrifice can go many ways.

One mom said to have the kids, stay home, and just sacrifice. Because that's why we have kids. I wish I had a bug eyed stare emoticon for that one. That isn't why *I* had a kid, for sure.

For those that try to get people into your procreation club like sisters rushing potential pledges, think about your motivations for telling someone to just "go for it" without any important details of their life. You give your little speech, they go for it, and then what? You're not around for the emotional, financial, or marital fall out. Stop projecting what's good for you on them and just tell them it's a very important decision that takes much personal thought and reflection.

Friday, April 24, 2015

GRJC Early Education Programs

Just thought I'd share Glen Rock Jewish Center's Early Childhood Programs for anyone needing great programs for next school year. I have nothing but positive things to say about GRJC's programs. E has been a part of their nursery school and kindergarten enrichment for the past four years. I'm happy for full-day public school, but I'm definitely sad to see his time in such a nurturing environment come to an end.

Glen Rock has gone to full day kindergarten, slated to start this coming September. GRJC offers an alternative, called Transitional Kindergarten. Call Hilarie Kay, the director of the nursery school, for more details. Phone & email are on the flyers below.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Vote for the Best

It's time to vote in Bergen Health & Life's Best of Bergen Readers Choice awards. We always need your voting help. It's a quick one too- you can vote for one or all categories. There is no lighting category. We usually go in the interior design category but there is a write-in section at the bottom this year. You can just type in Shades of Soho and put in Lighting as the category. Yes, we do go into people's homes and help them determine where they need light, where to put chandeliers & sconces, and help with the color palate of all the lighting. But, at the end of the day, we're a full service lighting boutique vs being an interior design house.

So type us in please!

Vote for your other favorite small businesses too. It's great free advertising for a small business when they win and it's a way to show your appreciation for your local favorites!

Before & After

Friday, April 17, 2015

Lucky Number Seven

I can't believe Francesca's has been around for seven years. I feel like they've always been there but I do actually remember the place before it was Francesca's. Except that I was never in there. But nothing could keep me away from the Panini sandwiches that are made in Francesca's. I hardly even get pizza because I feel like they have "real food". The pizza is great- don't get me wrong. It's just that there are so many great choices of other things that are all delicious, I feel like I should get something besides pizza.

They're celebrating their seven year anniversary though, so if you're around- stop in!

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Rising Stars

This is the class E does. If  your kid wants to get into acting- this is the place to start. E has been taking this class every semester since he was four and a half years old. He loves it and he's learned a lot. I think it's just good for general life skills, even if he wasn't into acting. Agents and managers are brought into the class over the course of a semester to see the kids and possibly take them on as clients. It's a great way of getting exposure and access to industry professionals that you'd ordinarily have to try to get the attention of on your own. Which, trust me, isn't easy. Said as someone who sent E's info to one legit agency and got a rejection form letter within seconds....

And the boy's photo in the ad for the class is E's friend from class who books like a champ now. Lastly, living in upper Bergen County, I can tell you that's is a breeze getting into NYC on a Saturday morning for this class. It takes me like 35-40 minutes door to door. And I'm always early. There are numerous garages to park in right near Pearl Studios. Call Todd and ask for a payment plan if you need one. Tell him I sent you.

Ages 4 - 6 (Non-Readers)
  Youngest Actors 
Rising Stars TV Class 
    Saturdays, Noon - 1pm


It's where we all begin.  
Join our Y
Non-Readering Actors!
TV & Film
April 25th - June 6th
Saturdays, Noon - 1:00pm
We love this class.  For those who are not yet reading, this special hour is taught by an awesome ATNY Coach.  It's time to talk about feelings and emotions.  Keeping it real, we work improvisation into On-Camera Acting and prepare our youngest rising stars how to be both honest and professional actors.   No Class Memorial Day Weekend.  Let us prepare you for final industry day and give parents the guidance they need in this industry.  Our Youngest TV Actors are indeed, booking in television & film, so join us.  It's a FUNdamental class for non-reading actors.

If you're reading nicely and still 6 years old, please call ATNY to be considered into our next level Kids Class with script.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Glen Rock Fire Department

There have been too many local house fires lately for anyone's liking. Not that anyone likes a house fire, but you know what I mean. I feel like there has been three or four in town since January and that's scary. Give them money so they can do what they do best- put out fires. 

We need your support!

The Glen Rock Fire Department is 100% volunteer organization. There are no paid firefighters -- rather members of the GRFD respond to fire calls from their homes and businesses 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. The officers and members of the GRFD are proud to serve their community and welcome donations in any amount. Please click on the "Donate" button to make your tax deductible donation through PayPal using your credit or debit card. You can also send donations through the mail to the following address:

Glen Rock Fire Department
1 Harding Plaza
Glen Rock, NJ 07452

The officers and members of the GRFD thank you in advance for your support!