Monday, October 15, 2012

Coffee & Political Hell. And Vote Ali.

What is the story with coffee culture? I feel like Seinfeld asking, I HEAR Jerry saying, "What. Is the deal. With coffee?". But seriously.

I'm not a coffee drinker- never was. I don't feel the effects of caffeine like most people do. I don't understand the whole, "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee..." thing. I've always been a night owl as anyone that knows me can attest to- especially my husband who caught me laying on the floor, in the dark, under my vanity table last night at 1:19 am, on the phone with a childhood friend, discussing our upcoming twenty year reunion. He was like, WTF are you doing and what could you possibly have to talk about the reunion at this hour? Well, that's my best hour. And lucky it is because then my other longtime-from-childhood friend was texting me about her two year old's fever. And then my 3 year old was yelling out about nothing. Good thing B usually wears earplugs. Blame Rita, I get the night owl gene from my mother.

So back to the coffee. When I was a social worker and worked in an office for the first time, I was almost face-planted at my desk at 10:30 every morning. I'd drink their in-office coffee and it never helped. It just upset my stomach. Sorry, TMI. But yeah, then I stopped drinking it when I stopped working in an office. Never missed it.

For like sixty days, I was on phentermine for weight loss. Don't care if you judge- it was the BEST. THING. EVER. For the first time in my life I wasn't thinking about food at all. I felt like I was focused, accomplishing things, productive as hell. AND NEVER TIRED. I could sleep only five hours a night and never feel it. WELL, you can buy a box a wine on the daily and drink it all up and no one cares. But you can only get phentermine by prescription and doctors are stingy as all hell with it. So annoying, but whatever. I started going to Starbucks in the morning. I'm trying out coffee again. I need SOMETHING. Some kind of stimulant or I'm going to be fat AND tired.

I'm finding the Starbucks culture to be completely douchey. I want a small, not a tall. Why does everything have to be it's own language. I could have an anxiety attack just listening to people order. Then heaven forbid you get into one these coffee asshole's way, you're lucky if you don't get knocked out.

I happen to like their "Skinny Vanilla Latte". I don't even know what a latte actually is, but the whole drink is sweet so it's right up my alley. But the other day someone ordered a gran-day no-whip non-fat chai tea with 2 splenda or some crazy shit. Then today, someone ordered something with "two pumps". Then some guy who is a regular there was talking to me as we're at the "accoutrements" counter as I call it- where the sugars/milk/napkins are and she SHOOED me away with a look like- "HEY I HAVE SHIT TO DO!". Sorry two-pump chump, I didn't know you couldn't just walk AROUND me. I'm not that big- I've been on diet pills, biotch. I lost 10 lbs in like three weeks. I mean, how much could you need to do to it after getting a drink with two pumps of something??

Anyway, it kills me to say "Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte" and pay $3.58 for something when the foam on top goes flat, is only like 3/4 full. It's all a scam. It's unfortunate- I don't even want to talk shit about Starbucks since at least, as far as I read, they are socially liberal and gay supportive. I haven't been talking much about politics for a few reasons. One, I don't care who you're voting for and why. I've heard enough. It's getting ugly, I don't want to argue with people I really do like, outside of politics. Two, no one is changing anyone's mind. Your FB passion is nice and all, but for most, it's the ultimate in Slacktivism. Let me know what you're doing beyond passing on articles from whatever side's bias you're reading. I'm sure for every article you have on your side, I can find three hundred more on mine. And then you can find four hundred to refute mine. It's ridiculous. I've only been posting things I think are funny (which I've even been keeping that to a minimum) and stuff about what some people call "social issues" and I just call "human issues". Most of the Republicans *I* personally know aren't the morality police either- they do believe in gay marriage and womens reproductive rights. So to me, it's not D vs R, it's human vs inhumane.

Hey- I was disappointed with Obama's performance at the first debate too. I don't just blindly love Obama. Or any candidate. Well, except Bill and Hill, but they're another story all together. But I am beyond passionate about marriage equality. BEYOND. I don't even understand how this is up for debate in this day and age. I don't understand why more people aren't totally just storming Washington and rioting or something when a candidate for ANY office runs on how they're going to push their religious beliefs into law. I think someone should be immediately disqualified if they even mention God or religion anywhere in their campaigning. I don't know what happened to "separation of church and state" because it sure seems very important for a POTUS candidate to be vocal about his religion and belief in a god. Most definitely a Christian version of God too. Personally, I'd like to see an atheist or at least an agnostic in the White House because then it would at least SEEM like a fair playing field for all. That will never happen because for some reason we've moved to an America that's totally cool with a whole religious overtone in politics somehow.

Yes I care about economics. Finances. But I care about people and their rights more. Always did, always will. I didn't get into social work to become a millionaire. I love money, I love material things, but I love my friends more. I love people who need help. I may not be wealthy and I definitely have anxiety about bills like everyone else. But someone ALWAYS has it worse and I'm not above helping those in need. More importantly, these "hard times" everyone keeps talking about are also about HUMAN RIGHTS and not everyone having the same ones. And then it's about womens rights being stripped from us. So yeah, it's not all about the mighty dollar for me. It's about my friends- good, honest, hard-working people, parents, children, aunts, uncles, etc all who just want the same freedoms the "norm" enjoys. It's time for The New Normal folks....

Which all brings me to the quote I will leave you with this morning....

This is my friend Ali. She used to be married to a guy. Now she's with a woman. I don't care who she is with- she's just really, really smart. And she says smart things. I saw this on FB this morning and I'm ready for Ali2016. Actually I'm ready for Ali2012 but I don't think she has time to raise the billions of dollars she'd need to fight the good fight this year.

Here's what she said:

"Well I'm sold! So excited to vote for Romney! I can't wait to get my free calendar so I can start having some babies and doing my part to fix the economy! Ha- of course I’m going to get married first, I'm not some drug-smoking teen ...streetwalker! No food stamps for me, I'll take that 2nd income instead, thank you very much! Hey, pass me one of those binders full of women, would ya? So I can pick out a wife, that's why, silly! Wait…I can’t…what? But I thought he said TWO parents? And I’m not so great with numbers, but wouldn’t it be more efficient if we were BOTH cranking out babies at the Oh. I see. Not legal. Well, I suppose it might be helpful to have a man around- I'll admit, I’m not sure I really understand how to take care of this uterus thingamabob. And he'll probably make more money than a wife would! Alright, bring me one of the binders full of men instead. Whatever helps create jobs and save America. Can I still keep these assault rifles though? Oh, I know we won’t really need them once we're all married and raising kids in two-parent households...but we should probably keep them handy for defending our marriages against the gays, right?"
Vote. Ali.
I would. Look at her. She never tried to gay me up either & I've shared a hotel room with her. Love you Ali.

Photo by Brian Gallagher

No comments:

Post a Comment