Thursday, April 19, 2018

We Were On A Break!

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!"- That could arguably be the most well known line from Friends. Coincidentally, that happens to be my favorite Friends episode, since it jumped the shark shortly after. I still watched till the beginning of the last season when life got hectic and I don't know what happened. I think it must have been that I still had to tape it on VHS tapes and never got around to watching. I still haven't seen the last season of Party Of Five because of piles unlabeled VHS tapes being just too daunting a task to go through.

Anyhow, back to being on a break... I was watching another show the other night (Chicago Med) and it was almost the same break thing as Ross and Rachel. Two best friends dating, Natalie & Will. There was a big disagreement about how some situations were handled- having nothing to do with them dating- they work together and it was a work related issue. She wanted "space" so for two weeks she was distant. He tried to connect, she didn't seem receptive. He went to the bar and got trashed. A woman came on to him and he went with it. All of a sudden, without even knowing about the other woman, his girlfriend came to him and warmly asked him to dinner. He said yes and they went. At the beginning of dinner, he decided to be honest and he told her he went home with this woman but that it wasn't anything. He explained that he didn't know where it was going with them, she'd been cold and shut him out.

She freaked out and left. She said when she asked for space it wasn't about wanting to be with someone else. He explained he didn't want to be with anyone else but he was drunk and this woman was there. Nat wasn't having it. She was fixated that he hooked up with someone else.

I'm totally Team Boyfriend here. THEY WERE ON A BREAK! If someone says they need space, that's usually code for - I don't want to be with you anymore, but I'm too chicken to tell you, so I'll just say I need space and then when the space becomes as big as the Grand Canyon, you'll just assume we're broken up and I'll never have to actually SAY it. No one mind reads. How is someone supposed to know what "space" even means? Or if you're even coming back, ever?

I was also Team Ross back in the day. In this one instance, anyway, before he became a whiny, temperamental jerk. If you ask for space, then you have to know that the other person may not just sit around pining for you. You have no right to get all indignant or angry that they decided to hang out with or date other people! In the case of the couple in the show I was watching- they were hanging out all the time, he'd been jerked around by her prior because she was dealing with her own emotional issues, and she just went totally cold- barely even talking to him, bordering on avoidance. He had every reason to think it was probably over.

When you're on a break, you're on a break. Whatever happens in between is your business. If you get back together and you want to discuss it, fine. Unless, of course, there are extenuating circumstances, like something happens with a person your significant other specifically asked you not to contact- you're just asking for trouble. And if you're getting back together, and you do decide to talk about it, it's best to be completely honest and answer whatever your person asks. Going back, after space, is your second chance. Don't F it up by lying. You both just have to agree that whatever information comes out isn't going to be held against either person later. Make sure you have ground rules and stick to them.

I just felt the need to write this out after watching this annoying exchange this morning.

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