Thursday, November 16, 2017

Really Bad Moms Movie

I saw A Bad Moms Christmas last night. I wasn't in any hurry to see it. I went because my friend C asked me to go and I love her. As social as I seem, if I have the choice not to go out, especially during the week, I choose not to go. No one wants to eat dinner with me at five-thirty or six o'clock and no surprise here, I'm highly routined. I'm well tucked into my couch by eight and my DVR is at 91% at all times these days. I went to the movies because I thought I'd try on being social, and I did think the last Bad Moms movie had some funny moments. I didn't relate to it- like blogger KatyKatieKate- http://www.katykatikate.com/2016/07/bad-moms-movie.html, I agreed with everything she said. I did like the supermarket scene though. Maybe it was because I love that song.


 I've said- I don't feel guilt. I don't have Mom Guilt. It's not a "thing". I do me, and don't get bogged down in mom drama nonsense. I listen to a lot of it, I just don't want to be IN it. As a mom, I do my best some days, and some days I probably suck. My kid knows me as his only mom, and I've asked him, at times when he's annoyed at me, if he wants a different mom and he always says no. #winning

Ask your kids if they want a different mom. If they say no, take it at face value and give yourself a pat on the back. If they say yes, then your kids are assholes.  Simple as that.

I'm not gonna even lie- I love Carla. She's my favorite and the only one I could semi-identify with. I was kind of raised by wolves and I would make a gingerbread penis when everyone else is making houses. I know you're supposed to love Mila's Amy the most, but her character is a real crybaby wuss. If I had to pick someone to hang with, it's Carla. She gives no F's and frankly, neither do I. However, I think we're supposed to judge her as the worst mom of all. To me, only if the bad in Bad Moms is supposed to mean Bad-ASS. No, I don't think EVERYTHING she does is getting her an award for her parenting skills, but I think we're all lucky there are no awards.

Back to the movie- in the first one, I thought Amy's kids were lazy, spoiled jerks, especially because she did everything for them. I didn't get where in the end someone praised her on what awesome kids she has. I thought I missed something. They were rude and fresh to her and blamed her for anything that went wrong. Then she felt bad about it. Did not compute. The whole working mom vs stay at home mom thing is real and relevant, for a lot of people, and we're beat over the head with Mommy Wars, so I got the concept. Same kids this time, same little assholes.

This Christmas thing? The family thing? Nope, nope, no. I didn't get it at all. All three of their moms were awful and ridiculously cartoonish. I'm sad that the amazing Christine Baranski read a script like this and agreed to do it. I mean, they made her racist. She thought her daughter's boyfriend was the help. As a joke. Used throughout the whole movie. She and Mila Kunis had no chemistry together whatsoever. Susan Sarandon, I get why she'd do this movie. I think she really IS high all the time. I totally understand why Katherine Hahn would do this- it looks fun as hell to play Carla.

So, like I said, again, Amy's kids were whiny, spoiled jerks who turned on a dime. They seemed fine at first, then not. Nothing even made sense. The older set of mothers were terrible - Ruth was nasty, belittling, and showed no love the whole time. She just handed out expensive gifts to the kids here and there. There was no emotion. Yet in the end, when Amy finally stood up for herself like I wished she would the whole movie, and tried to give her kids the Christmas they asked for, everyone was pissed at her and she AGAIN, felt guilty, like SHE was wrong. NO!!! Her kids were angry that Amy kicked grandma out, said awful things to her, and stomped upstairs. So what does Amy do? Go find mom, apologize, and then bust her ass to make her house a Christmas wonderland. To quote her overused-supposed-to-be-funny line- "What the F*CK?!"

Ruth was a giant bitch and I can't imagine why the kids would talk about how much they love grandma, except for the gifts. We got no prior inclination that they ever even saw this woman. Or that she was capable of any kind of warmth. In 34 years, Amy never heard about her mother's childhood? Then Sandy Cohen (Peter Gallagher, The OC) swoops in and tells Amy that mommy was treated poorly as a child so she does the same and all should just be kittens and rainbows after?


Poor Carla had a completely absent mom, Isis, who only came around for money and then took off. She did the same thing this time. That was some heavy sh*t for a movie like this. Then in the end she came back because she felt bad, and said she was quitting gambling and giving her back money. Sure. Talk about having to suspend disbelief. I'll also just add, I was really uncomfortable with the stealing of the food from people outside the grocery store. I know it was supposed to be funny, but it just wasn't.


Kiki's mom was just a weird loser and it seemed even more strange for her never to say anything before that. It was just a lame plot line. She was the most cartoonish of all. I get the whole smother mother thing. It just wasn't funny because none of the things she was doing were even remotely relatable. I know a lot of co-dependent mothers and daughters. None of them have shirts made with the other's face all over them. Maybe I just know healthier co-dependent people?

The best part of the whole movie was seeing a lot of Justin Hartley naked. I liked the Carla/Ty romance but it did remind me of a copycat Fat Amy & Bumper (Pitch Perfect 2, an equally horrid sequel) I also always get a little nostalgic when I get to see Sandy Cohen. OH, and Christina Applegate's line- "Did she have a broken dick on her face?" was one of the funnier moments.

I think the movie was supposed to be about the pressure to make holidays perfect, specifically Christmas. I guess there are people out there that feel that pressure? I don't know. I'm glad I don't feel the pressure to make anything perfect. Perfect to me is being with people I love, and making sure there is good dessert. Beyond that, I certainly don't care about decorations, perfect gifts, watching a five hour Russian Nutcracker, or Kenny G.

All I have left to say on this is, that you can tell that these Bad Moms movies are written by men. There's no way any woman would write movies like these. I doubt women were even consulted for opinions unless it was about how hot Justin Hartley is on a scale of one to ten. The moral of this sequel was to just suffer as much shit as your mom/family can lob at you, forever, to make a holidays "perfect". No thanks! I'm good!




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