Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Need A Do-Over Day

You know when you're in the throws of one of those days. A day you just really would like a do-over on. Mine is today. I guess one could say in light of all the terrible news, it's been a day of #firstworldproblems, but whatever. Pretty much anything outside of war, death, and disease is a #firstworldproblem kind of day. Since this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want, today is going to be the day for a complaint entry.

I got up at 5:45a so I could try to get on the treadmill for at least a little while before I had to go bring my car in for service. As an aside, my car is only a year and few months old, at least to me. It was leased new in September 2015. THERE SHOULD BE NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! Yet, as usual, there is plenty wrong with it. But I'll get to that.

I got up early, but in doing so, I also knew I was going to have to make sure there were no cat smells emitting from the basement, where the cat sleeps. Oh, calm down. It's a finished basement. With plenty of couch and chair space, toys, and classical music playing for the cat. B doesn't want any whiffs of cat excrement though so I make sure to empty my Litter Robot drawer every morning. FYI- most people empty that thing somewhere between five and seven days with that thing, but even I think that would be waiting too long. By the time I was done dealing with the drawer, it was like 6:15a. I jumped on that treadmill and instead of my normal hour and a half, I got in like thirty minutes.

I ran to the shower to wash my hair, because of course, it was a hair wash day. It kind of felt like I could fry eggs on head, so I couldn't just let it go. And again, calm down. Not everyone washes their hair every day. I'd be bald. Already my eyelashes are falling out with empty patches I have to do a comb-over on. I don't need to have to deal with some version of Rogaine on my head too. I had to leave the house by 7:30a-7:45a.

I started driving at 7:41a. I was impressed with myself because I was able to dry my hair in the short amount of time I had. Thanks to my new Sam Villa hair dryer though. #WorthEveryPenny

I got to the dealership by 7:58a. I was extra impressed with myself. I told them what was wrong with my car. It's loud. Loud like, it's diesel. It didn't start out loud. The passenger side vent doesn't work. If I was to listen to the navigation, I'd be driving THROUGH people's homes. Now, I don't know if it's like this at every dealership but they like to talk to you in the service department like they're covering their asses. Like whatever is wrong with the car must be your fault. Or like you should know what's going on. "Loud how, Ma'am?" Well, I don't fcuking know, Sir. I don't know anything about cars. When you come into my store, I'm not going to ask you what you think is wrong with your lamp that it doesn't light. BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU KNOW?

When I mentioned the navigation problems, such as driving on roads that don't exist and through people's houses, he said, "Oh, well you need an update...", like I was a schmuck. Ok, well, I'm thinking, the car is a year old. It's actually been updated when I came in the last time because none of the doors would lock. Why should a car that's a year old need ANY updates?? Good question, me.

I went to the waiting room to wait. At 10:00a, I went to change the channel to Wendy Williams. Mock all you want but I don't want to watch cooking and I like Wendy's show, most of the time. I don't know if she's the brightest bulb, but she can be funny, and I enjoy the first fifteen minutes when she does her Hot Topics segment. I didn't really think about it. I asked the two women in there if they minded me changing the channel and they both said no.

I was half listening when there was a picture of Kanye with Trump from NYC yesterday. Wendy was saying something about not knowing why they were meeting but it's probably to ask him to play at the inauguration. But that if it's to appoint him some kind of Ambassador of the Arts, that can wait. Kanye needs to rest. He doesn't need to rush with stuff like that. How about Veterans Affairs, Agriculture, etc.

WELL. This lady, I'm going to call her "Trump Lady", gets loud. She's saying, "What?! Is this woman the dumbest woman alive? So stupid! He's doing his JOB. He's doing what he's supposed to do! She's half laughing, half tsk-ing, looking around for someone to agree with her. I'm sitting there wondering if this is what hell is supposed to be. Because now the other lady, "Old lady" is saying to Trump Lady, "You know, that's that...rapper. Is he appointing him anything? Is he? It's that rapper. Is he appointing him? Because I really need Trump to do something about the Estate Tax. I'm having a really hard time with that...." Trump Lady: :::snaps::: No he isn't appointing him anything. You need an Estate lawyer. #CalgonTakeMeAway.

*Service guy came and told me that my car needs like everything updated. The computer didn't crash, so that's a good sign. It needs to finish updating. We're just going to leave it alone while it updates. Ok. No time frame on that? Of course not. But how could it be much longer? My whole laptop from 2009 updates in less time. Time at this point: 10:15a. Two hours and fifteen minutes have elapsed.

In the meantime, some old white men have arrived. Goody! Old White Man #1 is sitting to my right. He looks kind of Trumpy. I realize I guessed correctly because he's clucking under his breath at some other stuff going on during the show. Then, he just got up, and CHANGED THE CHANNEL. I *know* I didn't say WTF out loud, even though I was thinking it. He turned around, looked at me and said, "You weren't watching that". He said it more as a statement than a question though. Like, what could a normal, hair washed, white girl want with a black program like that. I said, "Well, yes, yes I was. I TURNED IT ON". He mumbled something under his breath, turned it back, and then walked out of the room, making a big statement by sitting OUTSIDE the waiting room. I'm so uncomfortable with these people. Some other older white men have peeked in, looked in, and walked out. My chest was tight and I just wanted out.

It was 11:20a when my original guy came into the room to tell someone else how long their car would be. I was like- "hey, what about me??". He said he'd go check. He came back with a not so happy look on his face. He said that my car needed to continue to update and it would be a few more hours. HOURS?? Was he joking? He said- "Can I take you somewhere?", as in, drive me somewhere. Where are you driving me? Bergen county? The car place is west of Bergen somewhere. Somewhere I now know as Trump country. Not to mention, it's not next door. No, you can't take me anywhere. I asked if I could get a loaner. He said "SURE!", as if I should've known that. How about telling me hours ago that it was going to BE like six or seven hours total and I should get a loaner? No?

*I started ranting to a lovely girl in the waiting room when Service Guy went to get the loaner. I'll call her Rebecca because I don't know her name but she looks like she could be a Rebecca. She was kind enough to listen to my lunatic rantings. Hi Rebecca. I told her I'd give her a shout-out when I wrote this. Thanks for listening and being a great audience.

He went to get me a loaner. Of course that took another fifteen minutes. After I signed my life away in blood and gave them some kind of two hundred dollar security deposit that they're going to put on my credit card but give back in anywhere from three to five days. What the actual fcuk? I never heard of such a thing at Mini Cooper. #YouGetWhatUPayFor

Lentil Loaner
I get outside to the lentil-colored shitbox, I mean loaner. I got in the car to leave. FOX NEWS IS ON THE RADIO. Yup. Of course it was left on that. Now, it's possible, having seen all my libtard magnets on the back of *MY* car, that was his little funny F-U to me. So the only thing I could think to do in return was change every preset to Howard Stern and every dance/electronica station I could find. #PassiveAggressive #ImAChild

The car also smells of smoke. If they think they're going to charge me for that, they've never gotten the wrath of Diamond before. The whole way home I had visions of old white men smoking cigarettes in there, listening to Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly, or whatever. I'm lucky I didn't just crash into a divider. Service Guy said to make sure I come back today. I guess so I don't get charged for realsies. Yeah, like I'm wishing I could cruise around in this fine luxury automobile forever.

*Another aside- wouldn't it behoove a dealership to give someone a better car as a loaner than they lease or own? Get inside something better as incentive to maybe get something better or more expensive next time? Just a thought. I have no idea what the rationale behind what cars they loan.

I got home at noon. I'd received my Ancestry DNA kit yesterday afternoon. You can't eat, drink, chew gum or smoke for thirty minutes before you collect your DNA (spit). I didn't do it last night because I didn't have time. I wanted to do it before going into work this afternoon so I could run it to the post office to send back to Ancestry. Do you have any idea how long it takes to get enough spit to be a quarter of a teaspoon? It ain't easy! It took me like a good fifteen minutes to do that. I tried spitting into a spoon first because you can't count "bubbles". I got it done, packaged it up and ordered my Starbucks coffee to pick up for after dropping the kit at the post office next door to the post office.

Of course the nicest post office lady in existence is working. I think she's the bees knees normally, but not so much when she's being so super nice to the lady in front of me that it's taking FOREVER for them to finish making small talk. 

I normally order an iced coffee, but like yesterday, I ordered hot coffee because it's cold out. I went in to get my coffee and it was iced. Because that's what the barista is used to instead of him reading my actual order. He said he'd make me a new one, but after three and a half hours in the car place, enduring moronic conversations, then spitting in a tube for fifteen minutes in my house, I just wanted to get to work. I grabbed the cold coffee and was on my way.

That's where I am now. At work. Waiting for the dealership to call me to tell me that my car is finally done "updating". You know they're going to call me at like 5:30p so I have to race there to get it before they close. Or better, they'll tell me it needs to update overnight.

I vote: do-over.

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