Not An Actor

I finally realized I'm not an actor. I never really thought I was. I've said before, I never even liked Halloween because I never wanted to be anyone but me. In my mind though, I thought if I ever had the chance, I could act. Why not? How hard can it be? You learn some lines. You learn how to make yourself cry. I cry when the kids sing on American Idol, when I watch Girl Meets World, at commercials. I figured if I just was able to learn the lines, I know how to be animated, to emote. Again, how difficult could it really be?? You have no idea.

I can tell you that now have a new appreciation for why actors get paid the big bucks. Going with E on-set to his jobs as background on current prime time tv shows has given me a huge understanding of patience and how you rush to a set to sit and wait. It's been a great lesson to both of us in patience. I run lines with him, but I've never really thought about what he's doing and how he has to emote. I see and hear him doing it, I give him direction, and I know when he's nailed it or not. But I never did it myself. I've done reality tv like Blind Date and Cupid, and been a "panel guest" on shows like The Jane Show (Jane Pratt, before Ricki Lake was a show), and Iyanla VanZant. I just never "acted" in the traditional sense. Those shows I was on- I was still me. A more amped up version of me, but still me.

I went with E to audition for a confidential dermatology product. I'm assuming it's a commercial or infomercial. They didn't really tell us. They were auditioning families of their creation. They had dads ready to go, but I guess the dad and kid part was the most important component of the scene. Two other moms and I were sitting in the waiting area with our kids, just chatting nicely. Maybe that's an oddity that the stage moms would be friendly with each other. But the casting guy was evesdropping on us and said- "Hey, I know this might sound crazy, but you three are so lovely. Would you like to audition with your kids?". Not just as a line runner/filler, but for the part of the mom. Sure, why not? It didn't seem like it would be too hard. Yeah, no.

They paired E with the dad who resembled him enough. I'm assuming they picked E to audition after already picking this guy. They just had no mom yet. My role was to be proud of my husband, hug him, give him an intimate look, tell him how great he is, etc. This man was fine looking. I mean fine as in, like, there was nothing wrong with him. Not like, "Damn, he's fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeee." I just happen to have this thing, which totally would make me a sucky actor. I can't feign interest. Even when I was dating. I went on two hundred and fifty blind dates because I can't just feign interest. I'm either interested or not. And it's not a superficial looks thing. It's a chemistry thing. It's immediate though. I just couldn't fake these intimate feelings. I felt totally weird, stiff, and like my insides were screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". We were just too close for comfort. He wasn't my husband and I couldn't pretend he was!

The funniest part was that the casting people were seemingly thrilled, loved that I closed my eyes during the hug, etc. They asked E if he thought mommy did well and he said yes. Then, he told the story to B later. B said jokingly, "You guys were cheating on me! E- how was it seeing mommy with another husband?!" E said- "Oh, I was smiling and saying it was good, but I was barfing on the inside!"

E did great. Castings like this depend mostly on who they pick for the adult. In this case, it was the dad. They had dads and kids in all of the United Colors of Benetton. There was a gorgeous blond mom, one of the ones I was talking to, that looked like a model. She had a mixed kid and they gave him an African American father for the audition. They looked lovely as a "family". I got a call from casting to make sure E was available to shoot on certain dates. I thought he might have gotten it, but it doesn't look like he did. They'd be shooting next week and I haven't heard from them again. I hope he didn't lose the part because of me.

On our way out of the audition, E wanted a hot pretzel. You know, the kind on the street. He's like Pavlov's dogs. If we've done it once, it becomes a thing. He needed that pretzel. Like, on the way there, at 3:30p, he asked if we were getting bagels. Why? Because we always get bagels when we go to the city for acting class on the weekend. So, of course he'd think we're getting bagels in the late afternoon because we were going to the city.

It was around 5:15 when we left the audition and there were literally NO pretzel vendors on the street. He wanted to keep walking and looking. It was a decent weather day so I didn't mind. And I had unlimited parking from one of those parking apps. In our travels, sort of by the Freedom Tower, we ran into a guy who stopped us to chat. He wanted to talk to us about his music. He calls himself Dutch40. His CD he just put out is called The Rebel King. And he does "clean" hip hop. Positive message hip hop. He is a cool, nice, outgoing, guy.

I told him I didn't have any cash on me. Which I didn't. I had about $2 in change to get E a pretzel if I found one, and I was kind of nervous that I was going to have to haggle for that because I don't know how much pretzels go for these days in that district. He said I look like I have a large presence on social media. I laughed. Because, you know, I like to believe I'm famous, so I told him that I do happen to know a lot of people. He gave me a CD on good faith that I'd share it, if we liked it, of course. E loves all music, the guy stroked my ego by saying I must know a lot of people, and I like to help people out when I can. This one was a no-brainer.

CD cover art

E really liked it. He decided to make his own little dance video to it. Enjoy! And check Dutch40 out on Instagram, Twitter, and on Facebook.

Twitter: @Dutch40
Facebook: Dutch40 Blackout