Saying Something

I feel like it's expected for me to say SOMETHING about Boston. I just don't really know what to say. We're totally inundated with media coverage and it seems like as far as the media is concerned, it's not even important if the info is true anymore- as long as it's quick. Fast. Up to the second. Then you have people running around spewing incorrect info, it keeps people glued to the tv and internet, and it's just a gross cycle that doesn't seem to end. There are reporters all over the family of the eight year old boy that died who's sister lost a limb and mother had an injury too. So what is there TO say? I mean, those people aren't left alone in peace for one minute and I don't even know what there is for them to say and their whole life is changed irreparably from it. It's been discussed everywhere by everyone and it's mostly just opinions. With a few conspiracy theories and some blame on our general godlessness thrown in for good measure.

I've said my thoughts are with Boston. My heart goes out to them. But so does everyone's heart and thoughts. It feels flimsy to even say it again. Or just ineffectual. We're all just helpless. And then I hear a lot about fear. NOW, people are fearful again. They are up to their eyeballs in worry. Something I also don't know really what to say about. Because I don't live in fear. Of pretty much anything. I was here for 9/11. And it was awful. The worst. But even after that, I can't say I lived in any more or less fear than I ever did. It's not my way....not my personality. And what I always tell people- I'm too busy for fear. It's not like I'm the CEO of a massive company or have six kids or whatever. But I don't know- I'm always busy. Always on the go.

As soon as planes were flying again after 9/11, I was on one. I didn't have a choice. It was part of my job working for a tanning lotion company to travel. I used to do sales/product seminars for a living. I'd get sent all over the place for this and I loved it. When my trip was booked a few weeks after 9/11 I don't know that I really thought about it. I just did it. After that, I thought the scariest thing would be getting the call that something happened to my mother. For some reason I always just imagined something tragic would happen to her. She could be a little forgetful and a lot flaky. I never wanted to call her on her cell phone because I could just picture her driving, rummaging through a bag overstuffed with her whatevers, and getting in an accident. Or driving too fast in the rain or not being able to see. Just something tragic and accidental. Turned out it was tragic but not of her own doing. A blood clot. In Oct 2009. So that was my "big" fear and it happened already. I got that call and my mother is gone. So what else?

Bad things happen. Evil things happen. You don't want to up the ante by purposely doing things that throw you into harms way. I don't bungee jump or jump out of airplanes. I prefer B not ride a motorcycle anymore since having E. But things like this bombing & massacre in Boston- you can't prepare for this. And you can't live in a bubble. You can't put your family in a bubble and you can't just lock yourself in your house. This was a disgusting, awful, horrifying act that doesn't even have the right words to describe it. But that doesn't take away that there is still good in the world, good in our immediate lives and in the people around us. There was good that day, in all the people who ran toward the explosions to help. The people who gave shirts off their backs. And then the good all around of people donating money, people coming together to do whatever it takes to make someone feel better. And lastly, just the good around in regular, everyday life that has nothing to do with what happened the other day- the sun coming out, the funny emails with friends, the laughs in the parking lot with other moms at school drop off. This is why we are resilient as people. Because there is never all bad or all good. There's bits and pieces of both everywhere.

I don't know what I'm trying to say even after all this above. I felt weird about posting about just regular stuff when the aftermath of Boston is still being felt. I have many friends there, I've spent time there, and I am so saddened about what happened. I just don't know that I have any words to comfort anyone, I don't have any witty ways to spin it that make people think, and I don't have any answers. I just know that fear and living in bubbles isn't the answer- at least not for me or my family. I'm not going to be scared to go to NYC- if I had to go there today, I'd be more "aware" but I'm not scared. I'm not scared of going about our regular business. Because my mom used to say- "When it's your time, it's your time- it's the luck of the draw". She said it ALL THE TIME- my whole life. I believe her. Good and bad have been happening since the beginning of time. Hopefully you just escape as much bad as you can. In one of the school shootings, I think maybe Virginia, one of the people who died was a Holocaust survivor. The guy survived the Holocaust only to get shot randomly by a crazy person. Life is random for the most part.

These senseless things like what happened on Monday are planned but the people they hit are random. The only recourse is just to live. Live the best life you can. Live in a way that makes you happy, able to look in the mirror, and in a way where you're not always sweating the small things. All fear does is let you live....less. It wastes time and energy. It gives you anxiety and probably shortens your life on the inside because it's not good for your body. So I'm kind of over reading about hugging your loved ones a little tighter because this happened. No, just live in a way that you just act normal, still try new places and new things, get out of your house, and try your best not to take much for granted. Hug your loved ones tight when you want and because you feel like it. Just live. And hope you're one of those people with the inner strength to run toward the explosions to help instead of being the one to run away. That's good enough.