Tuesday, September 18, 2012

So Gay

Have you had enough politics lately? I have. At this point I don’t even want to know or care who you’re voting for. I can’t deal with all the articles because if you spend five minutes on the internet you can find a thousand articles for and against whatever it is that you believe. I’m over it. I know who I’m voting for. I’m fairly certain most people do. Nothing is changing anyone’s mind. If someone is posting an article against “the other side” then most likely you’re not changing their mind so it’s pointless to even argue it.

BUT- I can’t let total ignorance go. I just can’t. I’m so ragey right now, I needed an outlet today. For instance- you want to bash Obama on policy, how he handled a situation. That’s cool. You can have an opinion on that. But if I see a slam post of Obama with a bucket of fried chicken and a watermelon, you’re a racist asshole and I’m not going to be associated with you. So racist is out. Anti-woman is out. And for fucks sake- anti-gay is DEFINITELY out for me.

I would like to take a moment to explain the definition of the word opinion. As it says in the dictionary- 1. A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. So, guess what folks- just because you believe it DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. I could believe that jellybeans should be a basic food group. Unfortunatel y for me and Jelly Belly, that doesn’t make it true.

So let’s talk about gay parenting for a moment. I got on Facebook today to see a post from an acquaintance about (her perception) of “truth”. Apparently Rupert Everett, who is openly gay, made some negative statement about gay men being parents. He said something about kids needing both a mom and dad and how it would be the worst thing to have two dads. She posted the article with her own statement- “So refreshing to read truth…..takes courage”. At first I was perplexed. I didn’t understand what truth she could possibly be talking about. I’ve met her. I don’t know her well but she told me she loves my blog so I felt she must be fairly bright and open-minded. Although it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility I could’ve been blinded by my own ego, enjoying having a “blog fan”. I read the article, twice, to see if I could be missing something but then…I went to her page and audibly gasped…

I scrolled down a little bit in her timeline to find two ginormous photos- one of her and one of her husband, joyfully holding up their Chik-Fil-A purchases on Aug 1, or what I call the Day of Extreme Bigotry, Ignorance& Hatred. I was so taken aback I just stepped away from the computer for a minute, bug-eyed.

Yes. You can think whatever you want. Believe in any book of stories you want. You can have a list of what you consider sins…FOR YOU AND YOURS. IN YOUR HOUSE. But when your beliefs start infringing on others that have absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever, and those beliefs actually hurt other people, THAT is where I have a HUGE problem. That day was in no way, shape or form about “free speech” and anyone that says it was, is either being deliberately obtuse or is just (in the words of Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men) galactically stupid. That day was about divisiveness, hate, and ordinary people having the mistaken idea that their feelings and beliefs trump all others. It was about bullying and being sheep.

Anyway- back to gay parenting. So of course I couldn’t just let her “truth”comment go. Because it’s not truth. It’s nowhere near truth. I explained and gave examples as to the differences between opinion and truth. Then her husband came on to “defend” their position. I should point out that they share a Facebook account so right there, I have many opinions of my own on how douchey that is, but I digress. His defense of their unified thought- “It doesn’t matter what you or I think… what matters is that there is a standard. And you’re suggesting we should not have a standard to live by, or no “best case scenario”. Yes, we all fall short but what this guy is reminding us of is that there is still a best practice. Look, a pack of wolves and a bear raised a child (in the jungle book). Doesn’t change the fact that there is a standard…and it is a mom and a dad. Stomp your feet all you want.”

A standard? A best practice? I have a friend who is gay, married to his husband, together for fifteen years, and they have a four year old daughter they adopted as a newborn. The standard mom and dad were young, didn’t want a baby, and ill-equipped to care for her to the best of anyone’s ability. It’s “best practice” to have kept this little girl with the man/woman couple because it’s “standard”? Is that what I’m to understand somehow? By what fact-based study would it have been better? We’ve had tons of standards in this country, in the past, that are downright deplorable to embarrassing, at best. It used to be the standard that women not be allowed to vote or work. It was standard that black people had to ride the back of the bus, couldn’t marry white people, drink from white people water fountains, go to school with white kids, etc. I’m pretty sure the guy I know with two mommies is pretty grateful for the life he has with Nancy and Beth versus staying a crack baby to grow up trapped in the cycle of abuse and neglect he came from. (Oh yeah, he also started out with a mom and a dad. Or in my opinion, an egg and sperm donor. The titles of “mom” and “dad” are earned in my book- not just given).

The girl who originally posted the article on FB didn’t even answer herself. Either she is still formulating one hours upon hours later, or she just feels her man should take the lead on such complicated discussions. I don’t know. But if you want to post controversial shit on your page then I kind of think you ought to be prepared to back it up or even if you're just going to say, "this is what I was taught is right", then say it. Don't have someone talk for you. I’m still so disgusted by the Chik-Fil-A photos that I want to barf just typing about them.

I’m just so angry that there are people that are such sheep that they just take a religious interpretation and spew it as fact. If there weren’t so many sheep I could just brush it off but the amount of sheep seems to grow by leaps and bounds every time I open Facebook. It’s a blessing and a curse to have to be privy to how people really think about everything. If it was not for Facebook, I could be blissfully unaware. But, once it’s in my face, I obviously can’t “un-know” it, so it boils my blood. And I certainly don’t want to be associated with such stupidity. So now, I actually feel like I have to be much more discerning about who I let friend me, which kind of sucks because I'm not an elitist Facebooker- I'm pretty open to all until I'm blown away by racism, hate, anti-semitism and the plain old ignorance and stupidity. I’m all for differing opinions, even in politics. I have plenty of people I know, that I’m close to, who are card-carrying Republicans. I don’t pretend to understand their positions, I don’t want to talk politics with them, and I strongly disagree on most every point but there is a line for me. I can agree to disagree when it comes to differing fiscal schools of thought. But when it comes to wanting to strip people of basic human and civil rights, pushing a hate, bigotry, and bag full of lies kind of agenda, not only am I not boarding that fucked-up crazy-train, I’ll do whatever I have to do to derail and crash it too.

I’m sure I’ll be asked if I really believe it’s not okay to have a differing opinion on gay marriage and parenting or being "allowed" to parent. I’ll say it right here-my answer is a resounding NO- NOT OK. It’s just not, for me. Well, it is, but I don’t want to know you then. Or just keep that opinion to yourself. It’s not up for debate. In my eyes, you’re just wrong. It’s the same to me as saying we should still own slaves. Standards and best practices have to change with the times. Otherwise we’d be still bleeding and dying from coat-hanger abortions, drinking from different water fountains, and believing you can only get AIDS if you’re gay. If you’re ok withholding rights from whole groups of people based on how they were born using religion as your shield then we’re just so fundamentally different that I don’t see a middle ground. There IS no middle ground for me on living and let live. You can decide to not believe in equality for all based on whatever you want and just live accordingly as you see fit. Don't marry someone of the same sex, don't adopt/have a baby with someone of the same sex, and do all the praying you want for those that do. But that's where your allowances end for me and other people's rights begin. Chris Kluwe actually said the jist of this whole paragraph better than I ever could so make sure you check that article out from the link below.

This isn't a political debate. It's a human one. And I'm just so over the hypocracy of using religion as an excuse to hate & separate. I'm pretty sure that's NOT what Jesus would do...from what I've heard anyway. I know this whole FB post from the original post didn't touch gay marriage so it didn't start out from that but as far as I'm concerned it's all the same. And the marriage thing started burning me way before this whole thing today so I felt like including it.

I just want to share two articles/letters *I* found which made me want to stand up and cheer:

From The Huffington Post- Greg Rikaart (Young & the Restless): http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greg-rikaart/chick-fil-a-controversy-_b_1765990.html

From The Huffington Post- Chris Kluwe (NFL player, Minnesota Vikings):


Edit: Someone asked me how I knew the husband answered and not the wife. Then I realized I have no idea. I assumed it was the husband because his name is first. I don't even know if it was she or he was the one to post the article. I'm not editing my thoughts above because this whole realization right here goes on to prove how positively douchey it is to have a shared Facebook account. Here I'm thinking she's a total asshole for posting that and it could've been him the whole time. Even if I believed whatever, I wouldn't want my husband posting where someone could think it was me. I guess I don't really get the whole, "becoming One" after marriage. At any rate- she's an asshole for the Chik-Fil-A picture, but I have no idea which one was responsible for today's asshatery. Hey- you become one account, you're responsible for anything on it. And gavel!

Controversial article that started this today- http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2012/09/18/rupert-everett-nothing-worse-than-gay-parents-glaad/70000572/1


  1. they are preaching every child needs a mom and dad.... are they against single parents too? would a mom have to give up her child if the sperm donor left her?

    people are just assholes. my final comment....a loving parent or a loving copule is better than a crack whore mom anyday.

  2. I don't even know. People like that don't even have a point. They just want to beat you over the head with god, god, god. Because they seem to have the direct line to god I guess. I'm not Christian but I thought part of real honest Christianity was to love all, treat with love and respect, and something about not judging or casting stones. Further, unless someone is following the bible to the LETTER, I don't really think they should get a say in what anyone else is doing.