Friday, June 7, 2013

Delusional Sizing

I have always hated buying pants. I am not shaped for pants. You're probably thinking, "What? That's insane. Everyone has to be shaped for pants". Well, no. I probably could go to a tailor to MAKE pants fit, like my petite friends, but I don't want to do that. I want pants to just fit.

Before September 2002, I could hardly wear any pants. I don't think I really owned jeans except for a short time when I tried out mostly not eating my last year or so of college. But that was short lived. I like food. I've always yo-yo'd with weight. But before 2002, the first place I'd gain it was in my butt, hips, and thighs. So if I could get pants over those areas, the waist would be GAPING. But pants were slightly higher at the end of college and for a few years after so I could find stuff that could work. I'd mostly have to wear a belt.

Then in September 2002, I had liposuction on those three problem areas. I think I was 159 at my surgery- I'm 5'7. If I remember correctly, they took out 6 or 9 lbs. Not sure. It wasn't so much that I lost a lot of weight, it just sort of redistributed. Yay for pants! Yay for jeans! But even though I wasn't so pear shaped anymore, I still have the problem with gaping in the waist. Not as bad but it still happens. And if they don't but they are too low, I have muffin top and a whale tail (try Urban Dictionary or United States of Tara).

I found that Joe's Jeans work the best for me. Icon style I think. I can live with bottoms dragging. Icon's description is "higher waisted". When I read it I could only picture poor Jessica Simpson getting railed in the press for her high waisted jeans. Or worse yet, "mom jeans". But I was finding that all jeans were getting so low I couldn't even get them halfway up my behind before they were expected to close. I don't know who looks like that beyond the age of twelve, but whatever. I'd tried GAP Long & Lean but they were anything but. The big wide pockets did nothing for me and they'd be baggy as elephant knees in a hot minute. I have tons of 7 For All Mankind and various others and they're so ridiculously low cut that I always have to wear a belt just for decency.

I went into LOFT the other day. When I used to think of LOFT it just screamed "teacher" or "business casual"- neither of which- a teacher or business casual, I am. I like boob shirts! Fitted boob shirts. More babydoll or halter style. I used to be all Express and Arden B. Late 90's-Early 2000's had the BEST clothes! Then Express & Arden B went all 80's Kardashian street-walker and our love affair was over. B and I went to a taping of The View and got $100 gift cards to LOFT. I didn't think I'd find anything in there but they do sometimes have some cool things that aren't sweater-sets. Not dissing my teacher friends- they're just not me. This time, my cool LOFT pick was jeans.

I was looking for cropped jeans. Tried the GAP just because I didn't know where else to go. No dice. Didn't like any of them. Then, I found the "Curvy Cropped" in LOFT but they had very few sizes. There was 0, 2, 4, 12 & 14. I wasn't even going to bother because on no planet am I a size 4. Not in dream, not in a fantasy- NOWHERE. Like I said- I'm 5'7 and around 140 lbs. Last time I was a size 4 was the last year I was in college and maybe for a year or two after. And I was around 120 lbs then. So there is just no way. But I threw caution to the wind and took the 4's into the dressing room. They fit PERFECT. Awesome right? No muffin top, no squeezing, I could sit comfortably, and most importantly, no camel toe. So, yeah, I got the pants. I just was annoyed because I felt like the company was trying to play me. Make me feel so good I'd buy everything because it says "4" on it. I'm not stupid. If I went directly from LOFT to H&M, I wouldn't be able to get a calf into a 4, let alone my entire ass.

It just seems so....stupid. I remember hearing or reading that higher end brands did that so wealthy women would want to spend money. But now it's trickled down to the more budget conscious? For what reason? We all KNOW what size we are. Do I now think I'm able to apply to be a Victoria's Secret Angel because I'm wearing a 4? No. All it does is make it more difficult to shop online. Because I have no idea what is vanity sized and what isn't. I have a small idea based on brand but still. It just adds annoyance to my shopping. There is just no reason I can buy a 4 in LOFT, a 6-8 in Express, and a 10 at H&M. Someone explain why this confusion is necessary.

It's not even just the jeans. It's the tops, dresses, etc. I've never bought size S in other brands. But, like the GAP, most of their clothes are on the boxy side which makes them appear much bigger. All the shirts I bought last year from LOFT are size S. But they have XS and XL so I think they just spread their sizing out more or something.

But at any rate, my original thought was to rave about the pants. There is Curvy Cropped and Modern Cropped. Both fit actually and liked the darker rinse on the Modern but the Curvy looked better. If you have a bigger hip/thigh/butt area, I highly recommend. Just know you're going home with a way smaller size than you usually wear.

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