Friday, March 8, 2013

Fashion Backward

What happened to taste? Good taste. I admit, I'm not always at the pinnacle of high fashion. I don't dress up for work because I'm working with people's old lamps, disintegrating lampshades, lamp parts, etc. There is also just no reason. I'm not one to wear high heels- I don't need to, as I'm somewhere between 5'7 & 5'8. I'm just more of a jeans & t-shirt/sweater kind of girl. I try to keep it simple. I'm not going to Kids U or school pick up in stilettos.

I grew up in the 80's and graduated high school in 1992. The 80's were fashion BAD. Fashion AWFUL. I thought we all knew this. Big color blocks, scrunchies, tall hair, leggings, tunics, shoulder pads, lace. The 90's were just as unattractive. High waisted mom jeans with darts/pleats, paisley patterns, giant flannels. I can actually close my eyes and see my 12 year old self babysitting- wearing pink shiny spandex pants with a giant white sweatshirt that had a cat face painted on it. That was 80's. When I think of myself in the early 90's I'm seeing Skidz, "PSYCHO" sweatshirts, "STEEL" jeans, and men's XL flannels from Britches. Gross. Canadians, G&G, Mandee, Contempo Casuals and 5-7-9 were all the rage. Baby T's, overalls, and adult long-sleeved onesies- complete with snap crotch were staples.

Everyone I knew looked like this...and it wasn't good back then.
Imagine my surprise when B and I went to the mall a few weeks ago and were just intrigued by the mannequins in the window of Forever 21 and/or Arden b., who all looked like they were auditioning for a Robert Palmer video. Or going to a Motley Crue concert. But worse somehow...because I thought we learned from our fashion mistakes. Apparently we did not.


WHAT IS GOING ON?? Acid wash may have become "cloud wash" in the description, but it's just as ugly. Patterned polyester button down shirts aren't going to look good on anyone! Lace? Troy told Lelaina she looked like a doily in Reality Bites because...SHE DID. The last time I found it easy to find flattering clothes for myself was between the years 2000-2005. After that...we have this:



I've always been a step behind in some fashion trends but more because I didn't think certain things would look good with my body type. Skinny jeans- typically, I feel like I would have to be skinny to wear them. But I did lose weight and once I got a pair I can just pull on, I started liking them. It just took a year or two before I really got into it. Once I got into the skinny jeans it was also easy to make the move to tall boots to pair with the jeans.

I wear skinnies but even with those, I'm not going to have patterns all over them or add grommets. I just don't get it. I saw a girl, in the mall, wearing real spandex pants. Red, shiny spandex. It showed every skin imperfection and it definitely highlighted areas that didn't need to be highlighted in red, stretchy, shiny fabric. Moreover, she was at work and she just looked really unprofessional because all I saw was red camel-toe. I couldn't even concentrate. The worst part about it is that this seems to be what's "in" now. And I thought the short-shorts on tweens and teens in the summer was bad....

I can't even find anywhere to shop. I do like stuff with a bit of an edge- I'm not an Ann Taylor shopper. I don't even own any item of clothing in the beige family. I'm just not super trendy. I can like something but recognize its not going to look good on me. I like stuff that has a bit of shape but isn't skin tight, isn't overdone with embellishments, and isn't going to look dated in a few months. This 80's stuff just CAN'T have a long shelf life! It's so awful! The girl below looks like she's trying out for Kelly in a remake of Breakin' 2: Electric Bugaloo!! WHY?! Are the guys supposed to look like Turbo now too?

I went through pages and pages online and copied a few. Then I found a picture of Six from Blossom and the old 90210 cast and I bet you can't tell the 2013 clothing models from the tv stars!

I could make a paper doll out of Jenna from whenever this was taken and sub all these clothes for hers and they'd totally work

I see there also seems to be an audience for JWoww Couture type stuff- where the back of a shirt looks like it was mauled by a tiger. Yes, I understand I am well over 21 and therefore not most of these stores target audience. It's like preying on the weak. These 21 yr olds were barely born when we were introduced to Brenda, Brandon & the gang at the Peach Pit & getting out of our Nirvana grunge-wear. So they didn't see how bad this all looked the first time around. Or maybe they think it's "retro"??

I just needed to express this out loud and see if I'm the only one who can't find some normal clothes anywhere. Apparently this trend isn't just for women either. Watching poor Cortez and Burnell on American Idol with their denim vests and jackets was just sad. It was the first time I agreed with Nicki Minaj when she basically told Cortez he needs a stylist.
I don't know what happened to shoes either. Once upon a time I was in Ft Lauderdale and my friend told me there are actual stripper stores- where strippers get their outfits. He took me and as a goof I bought some platform stilettos. That was the only place you could get shoes like that. Now girls are wearing them to walk around the mall. I don't care if they're Louboutins. They're stripper shoes. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but let's call it what it is please. They're everywhere from cheap to a month's paycheck. Half the people wearing shoes like this can't even walk in them! And all the shoes look like some variation of the shoe below.

Yeah, I know they're the big L. They're still terrible. And even if I'm missing the fashion gene to "get" them, let's call them what they really are- Stripper shoes. Really expensive stripper shoes.

It's all just way too much for me. I think I just won't be go shopping for a long time....FYI- all the single model photos are current 2013 clothes you can buy online or in stores today. I'm just not telling you where. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor!

Edit: I just saw on FB a photo from when I was in France. I was 15 years old and my hair was ridiculous. Actually, everything about my look was ridiculous. So I thought I should add my own photo of me (and Aimee) from the early 90's. I'll have to scan an 80's one later.

Sorry Aim for throwing you under the bus but this was a great shot of my Britches flannel. And the giant scrunchie.

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