Welcome Home 2023: Maine back to NJ

 

The OG's, waiting for the White Plains bus to go to camp!

I always write what is basically a love letter to Camp Wekeela at some point when E gets back. I've been too busy to really do anything since he's been back. Instead of just a love letter for a great summer, I want to talk about the mental break with him gone vs him coming home. 

Before he comes home, everyone asks if we're excited for him to come home. Anyone we see after he's arrived back at the nest, asks if we're so happy he's back. The answer is always that it's more complicated than that. What the answer really comes down to is that we'd love to see him, hug him, and catch up, but then we'd like to send him back. 

What? That's horrible! No, no it isn't. It's that for just under seven weeks, he is happy, living his best life, safe, fed, no access to electronics or social media, trying new things, going on trips, and it has nothing to do with us (parents). We can only guess what's going on from photos and a few sporadic letters, but we know it's all good.

You don't realize how much space, energy and time, in your head, your kid takes up until they go away, just for this short stint of time, while they are still supervised. It's different than college where they can do whatever they want and that usually involves alcohol and sex. That is decidedly NOT a mental break. 

When they're a teen and go to camp, you get this beautiful, much needed, mental vacation. Their emotions are so big, perception can be way off, the way they think can be exhausting for parents. It's great to have a kid that's a talker, a sharer. Trust me, I love having the kid who likes to verbally purge and tells us things other kids his age don't usually share with their parents. The flip side of that though, is a lot of talking, a lot of over thinking on his part and ours, and being genuinely surprised and sometimes equal parts annoyed at his hyper sensitivity. 

I know when he's at camp, he's learning valuable life lessons. He's figuring out how to live with other people, in a small area, helping keep that area clean, and keeping himself clean. He's experimenting with how to talk to girls, upping his rizz, and doing all the age appropriate things. He's not being called the f word that rhymes with maggot because he's a musician/actor instead of playing on the lacrosse, football, or soccer teams at school. He's achieved and maintained longstanding, meaningful friendships that have spanned five summers and four school years. 

He comes home and we're all back to all the "w's" - who, what, when, where, why. And the "how". What is your plan for today? Where are you going, who are you going with, what time are you going and when do you plan to be back? Why are you dressed like that, it's summer. How are you getting there and how are you getting home? Did you eat? Was there anything that resembles real food that you ingested today? It's almost one o'clock in the afternoon- do I wake you or let you sleep? There are probably more but I got tired just thinking about this paragraph. You get the idea. It's exhausting. For example, today, B said E got out of bed around noon, then went out with friends. I've seen him for about ten minutes in between coming home from being out to going out again.

For B and I, we're back to checking the cell phone. Having to read mind-numbing texts, seeing who is snapping, and making sure there is nothing that needs further discussion. I love having a little over six weeks not having to even look in the direction of a phone that isn't my own. 

Yes. Is this all just part of parenting? Is this what we signed up for? I don't know. I certainly didn't think about reading someone else's texts or checking group texts in 2009. All I was thinking about then was who was going to win American Idol and making sure I napped when he did.

It's funny. When I talk about sleepaway camp and Wekeela to other moms who aren't camp moms, they talk about their ten or eleven year old being young to go. That maybe they'll send them in a year or so. Meanwhile, if I had a time machine, I would go back and send him earlier than I did. He started in 2019, going into fifth grade. I go up there, chaperoning the bus, and I see those little six year olds, getting their first taste of freedom, which turns into a level of confidence you can only achieve from living your best life at a place like that. Not having their brains altered by sitting on screens for hours, away from mom and dad, doing all the new things, having something special, separate from their parents. I see them being loved on by their counselors, climbing them like trees, laughing, making jokes, learning how to do stuff for themselves. It's actually pretty darn amazing.

Is it necessary to start overnight camp so young? No. Of course not. While they don't need it- as there are so many more options, for day camps, the younger they are. Except, once they're in, at their special place, they're IN. They're always building relationships that only get stronger as the summers go on. So when they're in that tween and teen stage, camp becomes their refuge from all the drama and chaos that goes on during the school year. It's their home away from home. Then, when they really NEED camp, when there is nothing good that comes from hanging around their hometown doing a lot of sleeping, hanging out, playing video games, texting, Snapchatting, and lot of nothing productive, they have camp to look forward to and keep them from mindless stupidity and impulsive trouble-making.

I see the all the counselors who got their ten year Wekeela jackets, exchanging knowing looks of pride in getting to that prize. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the kids whose parents sent them earlier than I sent E. If I only knew what Wekeela would do for E, I would've wanted him to be there all that time. Kids today, without going to overnight camp, will never know what it is to have time away from technology devices. E says to us- "I wish I grew up in your time. It seems so much easier without phones, texting, and social media". He has to have it all to be social, and he IS very social. But that doesn't mean he has to like it. 

Kids today barely have any autonomous time away from their parents. Gone are the days of just roaming around without being tracked or forbidden, trying to get lost, just to see if you could make your way back home. At least at camp, they're learning how to speak to people and resolve conflict, face to face, without having mommy intervene. They learn how to ask for what they want, advocate for themselves, without having a parent speak for them. They're making friends on their own, without parental social engineering. These are all super important life lessons. 

E has one last summer as a camper. It's definitely on the later side to still be the camper. Most kids will probably be working next summer. He'll be fifteen. And he can work. But I can't steal from him that last chance to be a kid. He came home saying that this was the best summer so far, equal to his first summer, which was magical. The bunk was closer, better behaved, cleaner, and more mature than ever before. It was a bit of a smaller group, having finally weeded out the few poorly mannered interlopers who had come from other camps during that covid summer and may have stayed another summer or two. They all jelled and there was really very little conflict to resolve. Next year they'll be the seniors, the big machers. And we wish them the best summer ever...