Thursday, March 16, 2017

First World Problem: iPhone Edition

This is probably going to be the dumbest thing you read today. If not the dumbest, the most superficial. I'm going to go on anyway, because I've been a two trick pony lately, only talking about beauty enhancements and politics. Now I give you something truly ridiculous, but something that I'm sure resonates with many of you.

I'm lost without my phone. Lost. Not just a phone- not a flip phone or a landline, but my smartphone. An iPhone 7 rules my life. I've succumbed.

I don't just mean simply addiction to being online or social media. I mean, I rely on it for just about everything. From the weather, to ordering my coffee, syncing my fitbit, synced to my fitbit for texts, looking people up on imdb, to using it as a second screen to do work, I realized the past two days how much I *need* it. Where am I supposed to take my notes on Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives to write my recaps, for Pete's sake??

Last Saturday night we went out with another couple, for dinner, practically at early bird special hour. Hey- I like to eat early. Steal bread early. The reservation was for six-thirty, and my funny, not-usually-punctual-but-punctual-for-me friend was totally on time. I thought we'd have dinner, maybe hang a little after, and still be home and ready for bed, at least by ten o'clock, the latest. Sure.

You know how it is when you like people, time flies out the window. Next thing you know, you kid is up until eleven, playing with their kid, your voice is hoarse from talking so much, you never looked at your watch, and you're cuddling up on your friend's giant bosom. While it was well worth it, we got home way later than we intended, which meant I wasn't ready to go to sleep until about one o'clock in the morning. I needed wind-down time!

Mind you, it was also Daylight Savings Time. LOSING an hour. Yay for more light, not so yay for less sleep.

I had plans with the same friend in the morning at eleven, to take the kids somewhere for about an hour or so and we again, were on time. Then I had to get cake to go to our surrogate family for a special luncheon to see their family that was in from another country. People I hadn't seen since I was a kid maybe? Not sure when was the last time.

I was exhausted, but I also had plans after that to meet with a new friend who lives in my town. From Facebook it seemed like we share a lot of core values and a similar sarcastic humor. (I was correct- she's great). I was meeting her at the local pub at six o'clock.

I only had like FORTY-FIVE MINUTES between getting home from the luncheon and going to meet my new friend at the bar. I know I took my phone upstairs to check the weather for the week so I could set E's clothes out for the week. *Yes I do that. That's another conversation.* After that, it's anyone's guess. I could've sworn I took it back downstairs to plug it into a charger in the kitchen. I remember it was at around seventy-seven percent charged and I just wanted it to be as full as it could be by the time I left.

I realized that while I was laying out the clothes and putting away laundry between our bedrooms, I'd left the doors to the bedrooms open. We like to know where the cat is, and I don't want her in my little "dressing room" (really small third bedroom I use as my closet, make-up, junk room). I remember looking for her, going up and down the stairs, checking the basement. I don't know if I took the phone or not, because I was really ready to walk out the door. I found the cat, said goodbye to B and E, and I left.

I thought I had my phone. I drove the sixty seconds to the bar, parked, and got out. I didn't see my phone, but then thought it was in my bag. It wasn't in my coat pocket. I met my friend, checked my bag, and it wasn't there. I assumed I left it home. Enjoyed my time out immensely, but also wondering in the back of my head- where the F was my phone?

I got home and couldn't find it anywhere. B called it, and it went straight to voicemail. THAT, was odd. I never turn it off. Because it was offline, I couldn't use the Find My iPhone app. Not very helpful Apple. What's the point of having it if I can't track it regardless of whether it's online? I couldn't get it's last location either. I couldn't lock it or erase it. All those things can only be done when it's online. Awesome.

I still had hope. Our cleaning people have left things I hadn't seen in months on the counter when they left. Just out of the blue, found this or that, and left it for us to find. I thought maybe a different set of eyes could make a difference. Nope. I got home from work on Monday and still no phone. I bit the bullet and made a claim through Asurion, the phone insurance company. They send a new one out overnight.

Except this time, there was a huge snowstorm the next day. I knew logically, it wouldn't come. Knowing it was stuck in the facility in Mahwah, like twenty minutes away, was killing me. What was also killing me was that even if the Mahwah FedEx facility was actually open, my one and a half year old car WAS DEAD. I wasn't getting to Mahwah in the blue Mini Cooper. Sometimes we can't get up our non slanted driveway in the blue Mini! F'ing Jeep Renegade. You need an I.T. person, not a mechanic to fix no matter what, but whatever. *Again, another post*

I realized how much I use the stupid phone for everything! The weather, my calendar, looking stuff up faster than on my laptop! I felt like I couldn't do anything! It's how I take pictures of things to post on Tradesy to sell. I'd just taken pics of a bunch of handbags I want to get rid of, and I didn't have them. I have an iPad, but it's so clunky in comparison, and for some reason (I'm sure it's my non-techy fault), the stuff on my iPad is different than what's on my phone. I know, I know, Google photo backup, blah blah. I have all this, but it just was all going to take me more time to figure out than I wanted to deal with.

I TOLD YOU THIS IS A DUMB, FIRST WORLD PROBLEM. If you're thinking of all these things to tell me I could've done, or how it wasn't really that bad, please, don't bother. I'm fully aware of what I could've done or how I should just learn to live without a phone. I did live. I'm fine. I'm just musing on how I didn't even KNOW how much I rely on this stupid little thing.

Of course E got a casting call for a voiceover yesterday. Oh, and it had to be in an hour and fifteen minutes from when I got the call (email). Normally I'd take audio of him on my phone and send. I had no idea how to do this with the iPad. Luckily, I was able to download an app with a microphone thing that converted the recording to an mp.3. Nevermind this scenario, but I also submitted him for a casting call that they would've called me for, not realizing the only phone number they had for me was my cell phone. Oh well. I'll never know if he'd gotten a callback for that one.

I don't normally even TALK to anyone on the phone, ever. Except my one friend, lately, who seems loves the art of the actual call, so I'm getting used to that. She also happened to have my kid on Monday evening, for like four hours, while I had no phone. I had to give her B's number in case she needed us for any reason. Did I mention that B had a meeting out that night too, so if she'd called him, he wasn't home to tell me. I could get texts on the iPad, but I'd have to check every five minutes because it wasn't signaling my Fitbit.

None of these things normally happen- someone having my kid for hours, casting calls all at once, snow, work I'd planned on doing at home where I needed the phone in addition to my laptop, photos I wanted to post to sell things. It's like one of those laws- Murphy's or Karma, whatever- I don't know. Everything happening at the same time to show you just how the tiny piece of technology rules your life.

I got my phone last night. Just before I had to send the voiceover mp.3 in for E. I went to set it up, and of course, the SIM card was missing. I just about lost my mind. It turned out that it was stuck in one of the bottom flaps of the box. I was literally about to walk out the door to go to Verizon when I picked up the box it all came in to use to cart it with me. When I picked up the box, the card shook loose from it's hiding place. I was THRILLED. Not having to go to Verizon on Rt 4 at seven o'clock at night in the cold and snow? Awesome. My silver lining.

I'm back to being connect. Reunited and feels so good. However, I will forever be baffled by the mystery of the missing phone. I can't, for the life of me, imagine where it got to in that forty-five minutes I was home. The only plausible thing I could think is that in my exhaustion haze, I dragged it, hanging out the door of the car, to the bar, and it ripped off somewhere? And I ran over it? It's still "offline" and never turned on, so it would be weird if someone had it, not to connect it. I guess it could turn up, but I've really looked everywhere- inside, outside, you name it. I guess I'll just have to live not knowing this one, and being happy that the new one is here and fully functional!

That's all folks. Told you this was silly. I wasn't trying to be one of those "no technology martyrs" who give up technology for a week or a month or whatever. I clearly know that's not an option for me. I'm fine with my addiction, thanks.

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