Where Is Seinfeld?

 If only Seinfeld was still on, I'd be bombarding Jerry with requests to do a show about doctors and trying to get an appointment. At least I'd get a laugh about the current state of doctor's office staff. This is one of those things that's so stupid and annoying, I can't believe I have to even write about this. If I don't write about it, my head is going to explode. Between politics, other people's driving skills, and this, I don't know I'm not just walking around yelling in the streets like lunatic. I don't need any extra head explosion material.

This isn't even about the healthcare debate. It's not about Obamacare or rates or anything like that. It has to do with the simple task of just trying to make an appointment. Oh just call. No, no. You can't "just call" to do this seemingly easy thing. Why not? I HAVE NO IDEA.

Now, what happens, is, you have to find a provider. You go to the health insurance site. You do their "Find a Doctor" process, whatever that may be. Don't think you can just go ahead & trust that resource though! You have to double check with the doctor's office if they really do participate with your insurance! Then, it often becomes a game of "Who's on first?". IF, someone answers the phone, you ask them if they participate with XYZ insurance and they may know that. Try to find out any other details and it's probably a bust. They tell you to ask insurance. Insurance says "check with the doctor". By the time you've screamed at both of them you're too exhausted to even make any appointment. But that's only IF you get someone on the phone.

The new way stuff is going down is there isn't even a person answering the phone. No, you have to LEAVE A MESSAGE and someone will call you back. Except NO ONE CALLS YOU BACK. If they do call you back, guaranteed, you don't hear the phone, you're driving & can't pick up, you reach for it and hit decline by accident. It goes to voicemail. Only for you to call back and GET THE F'ING VOICEMAIL AGAIN. Another day, another lost day of getting an appointment. By the time you get someone and try to make the appointment, the only thing they have is months away.

Today is Friday. I've been trying to make doctor appointments for both E and I since MONDAY. Any idea how many I've successfully made? One. One out of five. When I do call a doctor's office, someone answers and it's actually easy, I get teary-eyed and thank the person profusely like they just handed me a Publisher's Clearing House check for a million dollars. I know they think I'm crazy and I might be. But just the act of getting the appointment is like jumping through rings of fire, naked except for nipple pasties soaked in lighter fluid.

There are SOME doctors who allow you to make appointments online and I'm even more thankful. That's the most efficient way. Let me SEE what's available and then put myself in there. Make me give notes, so if my case seems like it's going to be longer or not at a good time for the doctor, then they can call me to reschedule. But let me book the time and go from there! I feel like making-out* with any doctor that has any online booking. *Just to clarify: Only if they want to make-out, of course. I don't just pop a tic tac and grab them. 

Doctor's offices- they HAVE appointments, they just don't know how to GIVE the appointments.