TW: Cancer Sucks

 

I don't know why I'm shocked when someone dies of cancer. People die of cancer. Young people die of cancer every day. My one friend died of cancer at forty, we were both forty at the time, and I watched it all unfold from not having cancer one day...well, her not knowing she had cancer, to the email her husband had to send out saying she had cancer, to about three excruciating years later when she died of that cancer. 

Except, yet again, I'm shocked and gutted that three young kids and a husband had to lose a forty-five year old mom and wife to cancer. She had cancer once, in 2015. She thought she beat it. They had an party to celebrate her beating it. We were there. Me, B, and our mutual friend M. I have a photo from that night (above).

We were first in the same orbit just before our babies were born in one of those useless parenting classes you take where they teach you how to swaddle and change a diaper or whatever you learn there. I had undiagnosed ADHD at the time and had real trouble paying attention for the hour and a half or two hours of a class. She, of course, the type A student, was raising her hand, asking questions, keeping us there longer. I was totally like wtf, shut up lady, or we're never getting out of here.

I had E at the end of January. She had A at the beginning of March. We ended up in the same breastfeeding support group. I remembered her from the class. We laughed about it. I kept going to the breastfeeding support group even though I barely had any milk and couldn't breastfeed. It was my only social activity of the week and the only time I washed my hair. 

We formed a playgroup of about eight moms, which was great. I no longer had to pretend to breastfeed in the group to have a social life. We joined Stroller Strides, an exercise group for new moms. We went to Music For Aardvarks and sang endless Taxi. We got our husbands together too, hung out with our babies, and our two little families watched Jersey Shore until late at night in their basement. We had Friendsgiving at their house the day after Thanksgiving, New Years Eve at my house with them and one of the other families, countless birthday parties for all the kids. We went to carnivals and ate street meat. She gave me the leftover tier of A's 1st birthday cake to take home because I love fondant and she wasn't into it. For like three years - these were our ride our die people. We came close to opening a candy store together, which on a side note- it's lucky we didn't since everything that's been in that spot has closed. They agreed in a legal document to take E if we died because we knew they would take him in as their own. If I died, I'd have wanted E to have a mom like Jenn.

She was physically there, with me, at the mall, just after a Stroller Strides class when I got the call that my mom died, two days after what was supposed to be routine surgery. I don't remember a lot about that time- just that day. She was there, and she was there through me being a complete mess.

Not long went by and she had a second baby. We watched A while she was giving birth. The kids were getting older though and they went to preschool, different schools, so no more Stroller Strides. The playgroup broke apart - some in our group, like M, moved far away. Everyone except me and M had more kids, and we all just sort of went in different directions. Different towns, different schools, different friends, different activities. E took ballet, acting and art. A did sports. C, (M's son) moved out of state. 

She had a third baby. By that time, both our lives were chaotic, and we were in the thick of our own stuff. For me, juggling one kid with a relatively new retail business and my mom being gone was a lot. I can't even imagine what having three was like. We were both just busy moms doing our thing.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015. I'll never forget the day she called and told me she had cancer- she was ready for that fight on day one. She told me that the day she found out, she was ready for and would do anything she was told. She didn't even seem scared, just matter of fact, ready to do whatever she had to do to get rid of the cancer. I can't imagine anyone more determined to get what she wanted. She wanted to live and I didn't have any doubt she would. When she had a goal - it was toast. She fought it and she was told she won. She was in remission. They had a party to celebrate. M and I were there. We hadn't been close or hung out in awhile but we were there to raise a glass and celebrate our friend kicking cancer's ass.

I'd end up running into her husband over the years at swim meets because E and A both were on different swim teams but would intersect at certain regional meets. I looked forward to it. I'd always check Meet Mobile to see if A was in the same meet. We'd catch up like no time had passed - there's nothing like sitting in the schvitz of a hot pool for hours and days in a row, and it was kind of like seeing both of them.

Weirdly, or coincidentally, or I don't know what- E somehow made States (March 2024), despite his Tourette's ramping up, newly dx'd "exercise induced asthma", being on Accutane, and missing a lot of practice due to being in two theater productions. This was most likely going to be E and my last meet. This meet marked the end of the short course season, and E was almost positive he hanging up his goggles after this one. A also made States and I assumed I'd see A's dad there, but for this meet, their whole family came. 

It was the first time I'd seen her in a long time. Years probably. She was always with the other two kids at their activities while Dad was at these away meets. You get into a rhythm with these out of town meets. B could never come either (nor did he want to) and it was fine. The three of us sat for hours and caught up, reminisced, had some big laughs, not missing a beat. If she was sick then, she didn't look it or sound it. Thanks to her suggestion and direction, E and I went on an Amish village tour which was actually pretty fun.

It was bittersweet, as we had a really good time just chatting and catching up. But I knew this was most likely the end of organically running into them for swim. I knew there was low probability of seeing them, as their three are in a ton of activities and E is just as busy with totally different things. Swim had just been a constant or running into each other or the possibility of it from the time the boys were in first grade through that meet where they were both freshman in high school. And really, we just lived separate lives by that point. There was just not going to be any further organic intersecting.

You also always just expect there to be more...time. You'll see each other...eventually. Unless, cancer intervenes. 

I had no idea the cancer was back. I literally just found out a few hours ago (Friday around 11:30p) that she passed away Thursday night (it's now technically Sat at 2a that I'm writing this). I can't sleep so I'm writing. I'm sitting here...thinking about some of our last conversation, and how I had thought some of it was...odd. Odd, for her. A little on the cynical (if that's the right word?) side. More, like, stuff I would think or say than stuff she typically would. Knowing her, knowing she was private, I'm not surprised, if she knew she was sick then, that she didn't say anything. If I had to guess, I'm going with her wanting to keep her kids lives as normal and untouched by her illness as possible. If everyone knew, they'd be intrusive on her family time. Or they'd look at her with sadness. She was a fierce mama bear and there's no way she'd want her kids seeing that. That, and the two of them (and another couple) also comically taught us about the evil eye, a lesson we will never forget. But now, in hindsight, some of that conversation we had at the meet, makes a hell of a lot more sense.

Anyone who knew her knew that her husband and kids were everything. She went all out for every holiday, birthday, and made everything an event. She didn't half-ass anything. Made everything special. She loved matching family outfits and family photos in those matching outfits. She loved matching family costumes and themes. She loved decorating for holidays. I didn't know what a topiary was until she put out ones in the shape of a heart for Valentine's Day. She just was really...present. Went out of her way to make special memories for her family.

I don't even know how to end this entry. It's 3am now and I need to go to sleep. This probably isn't even written well and may not even make sense. It's just what's on my mind in the moment. And I feel like I needed to say SOMETHING. You know that whole Reason/Season/Lifetime thing? For the season of the first few years of E's life, they were the bulk of it. Sending all the positive thoughts and energy out to her husband, kids and family. Cancer f'ing sucks. There's no rhyme or reason as to who gets to live and who doesn't. There is only unfairness. Her husband lost his soulmate and her kids lost their mom who loved him and them #tothemoonandback. All of her friends and family lost out on more time, shared laughs and tears, deep discussions and more with her and it's just wildly and stupidly unfair. 

J- I told A that if he needed any help searching out matching outfits for anything, I'm totally here to help. 💓

Edit: I just saw there is now a GoFundMe so feel free to click the link to donate. 

Digest This

 

There's are so many reasons we call you dumb. Here they all are, right here in print. Maybe watch a little less Fox and TikTok, get your head out of your ASS, and read a little more HCR. You're happy a raping felonious misogynist fake-wealthy liar got the highest office in the land? You want to call him Daddy like some weird fetishist? Have at it. But you're taking us all with you- including your daughters, granddaughters, sons, friends, family, all down with you and your fairy tales and fables. That, is not okay.

November 8. 2024 (Friday)

 

Social media has been flooded today with stories of Trump voters who are shocked to learn that tariffs will raise consumer prices as reporters are covering that information. Daniel Laguna of LevelUp warned that Trump’s proposed 60% tariff on Chinese imports could raise the costs of gaming consoles by 40%, so that a PS5 Pro gaming system would cost up to $1,000. One of the old justifications for tariffs was that they would bring factories home, but when the $3 billion shoe company Steve Madden announced yesterday it would reduce its imports from China by half to avoid Trump-promised tariffs, it said it will shift production not to the U.S., but to Cambodia, Vietnam, Mexico, and Brazil. 

 

 

There are also stories that voters who chose Trump to lower household expenses are unhappy to discover that their undocumented relatives are in danger of deportation. When CNN’s Dana Bash asked Indiana Republican senator-elect Jim Banks if undocumented immigrants who had been here for a long time and integrated into the community would be deported, Banks answered that deportation should include “every illegal in this country that we can find.” Yesterday a Trump-appointed federal judge struck down a policy established by the Biden administration that was designed to create an easier path to citizenship for about half a million undocumented immigrants who are married to U.S. citizens. 

 

 

Meanwhile, Trump’s advisors told Jim VandeHei and MIke Allen of Axios that Trump wasted valuable time at the beginning of his first term and that they will not make that mistake again. They plan to hit the ground running with tax cuts for the wealthy and corporations, deregulation, and increased gas and oil production. Trump is looking to fill the top ranks of the government with “billionaires, former CEOs, tech leaders and loyalists.” 

 

 

After the election, the wealth of Trump-backer Elon Musk jumped about $13 billion, making him worth $300 billion. Musk, who has been in frequent contact with Russian president Vladimir Putin, joined a phone call today between President-elect Trump and Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky. 

 

 

In Salon today, Amanda Marcotte noted that in states all across the country where voters backed Trump, they also voted for abortion rights, higher minimum wage, paid sick and family leave, and even to ban employers from forcing their employees to sit through right-wing or anti-union meetings. She points out that 12% of voters in Missouri voted both for abortion rights and for Trump.

 

 

Marcotte recalled that Catherine Rampell and Youyou Zhou of the Washington Post showed before the election that voters overwhelmingly preferred Harris’s policies to Trump’s if they didn’t know which candidate proposed them. An Ipsos/Reuters poll from October showed that voters who were misinformed about immigration, crime, and the economy tended to vote Republican, while those who knew the facts preferred Democrats. Many Americans turn for information to social media or to friends and family who traffic in conspiracy theories. As Angelo Carusone of Media Matters put it: “We have a country that is pickled in right-wing misinformation and rage.” 

 

 

In The New Republic today, Michael Tomasky reinforced that voters chose Trump in 2024 not because of the economy or inflation, or anything else, but because of how they perceived those issues—which is not the same thing. Right-wing media “fed their audiences a diet of slanted and distorted information that made it possible for Trump to win,” Tomasky wrote. Right-wing media has overtaken legacy media to set the country’s political agenda not only because it’s bigger, but because it speaks with one voice, “and that voice says Democrats and liberals are treasonous elitists who hate you, and Republicans and conservatives love God and country and are your last line of defense against your son coming home from school your daughter.”

 

 

Tomasky noted how the work of Matthew Gertz of Media Matters shows that nearly all the crazy memes that became central campaign issues—the pet-eating story, for example, or the idea that the booming economy was terrible—came from right-wing media. In those circles, Vice President Kamala Harris was a stupid, crazed extremist who orchestrated a coup against President Joe Biden and doesn’t care about ordinary Americans, while Trump is under assault and has been for years, and he’s “doing it all for you.”

 

 

Investigative reporter Miranda Green outlined how “pink slime” newspapers, which are AI generated from right-wing sites, turned voters to Trump in key swing state counties. Republican strategist Sarah Longwell, who studies focus groups, told NPR, “When I ask voters in focus groups if they think Donald Trump is an authoritarian, the #1 response by far is, ‘What is an authoritarian?’” 

 

 

In a social media post, Marcotte wrote: “A lot of voters are profoundly ignorant. More so than in the past.” That jumped out to me because there was, indeed, an earlier period in our history when voters were “pickled in right-wing misinformation and rage.”

 

 

In the 1850s, white southern leaders made sure that voters did not have access to news that came from outside the American South, and instead steeped them in white supremacist information. They stopped the mail from carrying abolitionist pamphlets, destroyed presses of antislavery newspapers, and drove antislavery southerners out of their region.

 

 

Elite enslavers had reason to be concerned about the survival of their system of human enslavement. The land boom of the 1840s, when removal of Indigenous peoples had opened up rich new lands for settlement, had priced many white men out of the market. They had become economically unstable, roving around the country working for wages or stealing to survive. And they deeply resented the fabulously wealthy enslavers who they knew looked down on them. 

 

 

In 1857, North Carolinian Hinton Rowan Helper wrote a book attacking enslavement. No friend to his Black neighbors, Helper was a virulent white supremacist. But in The Impending Crisis of the South: How to Meet It, he used modern statistics to prove that slavery destroyed economic opportunity for white men, and assailed “the illbreeding and ruffianism of the slaveholding officials.” He noted that voters in the South who did not own slaves outnumbered by far those who did. "Give us fair play, secure to us the right of discussion, the freedom of speech, and we will settle the difficulty at the ballot-box,” he wrote.

 

 

In the North the book sold like hotcakes—142,000 copies by fall 1860. But southern leaders banned the book, and burned it, too. They arrested men for selling it and accused northerners of making war on the South. Politicians, newspaper editors, and ministers reinforced white supremacy, warned that the end of slavery would mean race war, and preached that enslavement was God’s law.

 

 

When northern voters elected Abraham Lincoln in November 1860 on a platform of containing enslavement in the South, where the sapped soil would soon cut into production, southern leaders decided—usually without the input of voters—to secede from the Union. As leaders promised either that there wouldn’t be a fight, or that if a fight happened it would be quick and painless, poor southern whites rallied to the cause of creating a nation based on white supremacy, reassured by South Carolina senator James Chesnut’s vow that he would personally drink all the blood shed in any threatened civil war. 

 

 

When Confederate forces fired on Fort Sumter in April 1861, poor white men set out for what they had come to believe was an imperative cause to protect their families and their way of life. By 1862 their enthusiasm had waned, and leaders passed a conscription law. That law permitted wealthy men to hire a substitute and exempted one man to oversee every 20 enslaved men, providing another way for rich men to keep their sons out of danger. Soldiers complained it was a “rich man’s war and a poor man’s fight.” 

 

 

By 1865 the Civil War had killed or wounded 483,026 men out of a southern white population of about five and a half million people. U.S. armies had pushed families off their lands, and wartime inflation drove ordinary people to starvation. By 1865, wives wrote to their soldier husbands to come home or there would be no one left to come home to. 

 

 

Even those poor white men who survived the war could not rebuild into prosperity. The war took from the South its monopoly of global cotton production, locking poor southerners into profound poverty from which they would not begin to recover until the 1930s, when the New Deal began to pour federal money into the region.

 

 

Today, when I received a slew of messages gloating that Trump had won the election and that Republican voters had owned the libs, I could not help but think of that earlier era when ordinary white men sold generations of economic aspirations for white supremacy and bragging rights.

Diary of a Mad Woman

 

By Mad Woman I mean an ANGRY woman.

This is a Facebook post today from my friend Kate Littman Greenberg. She's angry, her brain bunnies are jumping like they're trying to start trampoline as an olympic sport- but she ain't wrong in the least. I'm with her on every. fcuking. word.

What’s on your mind? Don’t mind if I do.

So many excuses …

 

“I would never get an abortion anyway.” Right, because most of us dream of terminating a pregnancy when we grow up. I sincerely hope if you or someone you love needs access to abortion services or medical assistance during a miscarriage, they can find a doctor in their state who isn’t afraid of losing their license.

 

 “Trump will be good for Israel.” Yes. He likely will be. He was a big supporter of Israel in his first presidency. I care very much for Israel, but I live here— in a cesspool of racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, and poverty. If the U.S. wasn’t such a dumpster fire I could have the luxury of voting to put Israel first.

 

 “He’s good for my investments”… I’m sure your friend who relies on the affordable care act for her annual mammogram will want to hear all about how your portfolio is doing next quarter during her weekly chemo. You’ll start her GoFundMe right? 

 

And as an aside. For those who think that blue states are performing gender confirmation surgeries on kids at school. School nurses can’t even give Tylenol anymore. I assure you— no one is building your kid a penis during ELA. 

 

And while the world spins madly on, or rather burns madly on, I’ll still be over here teaching sex ed for as long as I can, reminding kids that if Emma has two daddies— that’s cool, and if you know in your heart and your head that you’re a girl, then you’re a girl. — And if a book has been banned that probably means there’s good stuff in there, and you should get to a library.

 

And if you need proper sex ed in your schools, she's the one you want teaching it. 

In 2016 We Got a Cat

 

 

In 2016 we got a cat. I had taken to the bed and B thought that's how he'd get me out. In 2016 though, we didn't know what was in store. We knew it wasn't good, but we still had hope it could be okay. It wasn't okay.  I'm not okay. This entry isn't even for you...it's more a stream of consciousness to have a record of what I'm thinking today. I've mostly isolated. Mostly kept off social media. I've just been marinating in my own thoughts, feeling like I'm having an out of body experience.

 

Yesterday, as I made my way out of the house to vote, it was 8:45 in the morning and as I pulled out of my driveway and on to my street, I noticed that while it wasn't cold, like it should be in November, it was gray. I wondered if this was the start of that New Jersey gray time, generally from November to some time in March, or if this was hopefully a one-off gray day. I thought about 9/11 and if this grayness was something that will forever be etched in my memory, like how that Tuesday of 9/11 was gorgeous, sunny, and the air was crisp and cool. I know yesterday I felt cautiously optimistic but still had an overall feeling of dread. I chalked up the dread to PTSD of election day in 2016. Anyone who truly believed Hilary was going to win knows exactly the feeling I'm talking about. 

I didn't realize it until just now as I sit here typing and look down at the hoodie I'm wearing, that I was wearing a rainbow tie dye cropped baby tee on 9/11 (it was 2001!), and I'm wearing a rainbow tie dye hoodie now. It's the one I wore yesterday to vote. I don't know if it was a subconscious thing, as it was also right near me when I got out of bed yesterday and today. I feel like I wore it yesterday because rainbow tie dye makes me happy and to me it's a symbol of a lot of what I believe in. There's also a hamsa on the back of it and that's a symbol of good luck to me. Maybe I just wanted to feel a protective shield.

 

I expected to be in and out of voting, as it's always been, in the eighteen years I've lived in this town. At most, at any given time, I've maybe had about three or or four people ahead of me. Sometimes there's been no one. This time, the line was out the door and you had to go in, sign your name, get a ticket, then get in line. The line was approximately forty five minutes long. Luckily, I had someone I'd call a "reasonable acquaintance" there to pass the time. I don't know his politics, which is rare these days, but that's what I mean about reasonable. We were able to have a lovely forty five minute conversation, which was enjoyable, and had very little to do with politics, with the exception of a sprinkling of school politics and our school board. If he was voting for Trump, I do not know, and I'm thankful I can live another day coexisting in this town, not knowing. I think we may have all taken for granted, just easy conversation, with a fellow neighbor and parent of same age teens.

 

I always took E with me to vote when he was little to show him that we always vote, even if it's not a presidential year. It's never "just" a primary or for "nothing important". I wanted him to understand that it's a privilege to vote and it's part of our civic duty. I wanted him to know that not only is it important to vote, but it's also important to know and understand what's going on in the world and at stake. Other parents have commented and judged, thought it was weird that I always had a little kid watching the news. They said stuff like, "Oh, I can't have little x watch the news. It's way too scary and they're too sensitive". Or, "I don't want them watching the news. They won't understand. They need to just be kids". I didn't sit him down and tell him he had to watch or quiz him. It was just on and I didn't shield him from the world's realities. I just wanted to know I'm putting an informed human into the world. He never seemed scared of the news, except of planes, which to him, "fall out of the sky" way too often in his book. 

He asked questions. I answered. We also went to PRIDE parades and rallies. We marched for Black Lives Matter. We wrote election post cards. I had him join the Jewish Student Union at school, not because we're religious- we aren't- but just so he always knows that as humans, we're part of something bigger than us and the small bubble we live in. 

E is off from school this week. I had not gotten out of bed by ten o'clock this morning to start my day yet because I really didn't know how I was going to muster the will. He actually got up before noon and the first thing he asked me was- "When do we know?". I said, "We do know". He said- "Trump won?" and I started to tear up. I simply said, "yes". We were both silent. B called me at some point and just lamented at how aside from the Obama years, when he was too little to really understand, he hasn't lived any times of normalcy. It's always been this worst of the worst humanity time. Anger, insults, extreme division, where racism goes to thrive.

I've seen a lot of memes about disappointment. People saying they're disappointed in women, marginalized communities, young people. I heard pundits say that after Joe Rogan's endorsement, fraternities of young men at college, who ordinarily wouldn't be all that motivated to vote, were organizing to go vote in support of Trump. I think I'm disappointed in all of us. I'm disappointed in those of us who really believed the fairy tale of safeguards. We believe over and over that there are people watching out for those in need and like Charlie Brown, get the ball pulled away again at the last second and end up flat on our back.

 

I feel like the internet and social media play a large part in how we got here. The internet was allowed to become the Wild West of Lies and Hate and has gone pretty much unchecked. In the past, even if we just go back to the first Obama election, B and I may have only just gotten iPhones at that point. Being on the internet 24/7 then wasn't even like what it is now. The twenty four hour news cycle wasn't the runaway train it is now. The news used to be the news. It always had spin but it wasn't complete channels called news but really just slanted infotainment. And before the internet and billionaires with their own agendas owning all the media, there weren't that many options or channels. Currently, if you decide you only want to hear one side, that's all you have to hear. I know from friends who did canvassing that there are plenty of Trump voters and undecideds who didn't know anything about Project 2025 and probably still don't. Or maybe just don't believe it? There is no one more obstinate than a Trump voter.

I've seen two pregnancy announcements recently, wives of young men I know. I think back to being pregnant with E, after the high of Obama winning the November 2008 election. I remember how excited Rita was, all of us were, that E was going to be born around the inauguration of the first black president. There was so much hope for the present and future. We were on a path forward. It seemed like such a bright time. I just thought, wow, these young parents, just starting out their lives, are having such a different experience. Even just the stress of what could happen during those pregnancies, just by the good or bad luck of what state they live in. One of them will have to actually spend time praying hers goes smoothly to the end for that reason alone. 

You know when you have an argument with someone, you just can't understand their position at all and you feel like you're in the twilight zone? That's how I feel. 

-I don't understand Jews believing Trump cares about Israel or anyone but himself. Or not believing that we're just pawns in a path to Christian Nationalism. When there are prayers up your kids are forced to say in school- they're not going to be in Hebrew, that's for sure. 

 -I don't know how people who are on social security or disability could believe he won't gut their only lifeline of money. 

-I don't know how there are members of the LGBTQIA+ community who don't believe he won't erase their rights and aren't in fear. 

-I don't understand women who are willing to give up their body autonomy or their partners who are fine with that too. 

-I don't know how there are parents who feel like he cares about the cost of eggs and are willing to believe that the promises of more money in their pocket are more important than their kids future rights. 

-I don't understand how Mark Cuban can explain the basic math of how massive tariffs will make everything imported more expensive and people just choose not to believe it. 

-I don't understand how anyone could be that stupid and selfish to think they don't have anything to lose. WE ALL LOSE. It's THAT simple. Unless it's just you, 100% alone, wrapped in your soon to be no longer bank insured money to keep you warm. No spouse, no relationship, no kids. There are probably parts of Project 2025 that even adversely affects your pets. 

All that without the obvious that he's a felon, rapist, draft dodger, liar and....worse. He's a clown. An embarrassment. He's not your daddy. Unless your daddy is all of those things too.

 

Someone in my Facebook feed said- "Was it really that bad when he was in office?". How quickly one forgets. At the beginning he was riding on Obama's economy. Then it went south. There was a pandemic, which he fully mismanaged. Every day was waking up scared of what lunacy was said or happening next. Every day was anxiety filled. Unless of course, you were wealthy enough not to care of have any of it touch you. We weren't those people. We were scared. The thought of being back in that mental place is staggering. 

 

B and I haven't been out of the country since 2007. We've barely left the county or state since then. Our passports expired in 2016. Two weeks ago, we renewed them. Just in case. Not because we're stamping our feet and pouting, proclaiming we'd leave if he was elected. But because we wanted to make sure if we had to flee, we'd at least have those. So to those who don't think it's any big deal, that we're just being dramatic, and we shouldn't let politics interfere with our friendships and relationships, just so you're aware, you know people who are afraid of needing to FLEE.

 

I don't really know how to cope today. It's one thing to disagree on policy. It's another to have to be afraid. 

 

 

Kamala Harris on Howard Stern - Full Interview

 Anyone who knows me knows I've been a Stern listener since I was a teenager. I really got into listening to every show in it's entirety during the Covid pandemic quarantine. Since I was home all the time, I'd go to do work and instead of watching TV, I was comforted by hours and hours of Stern. 

Both B and I were super excited to hear Kamala Harris on Howard. Hillary, Biden, Harris- the trifecta of political interviews. B and I both felt like if Hillary had gone on Stern prior to the election that she would've won. We'll never know. Here's hoping it moves the needle for Harris. 

For those who don't have Sirius, I just want to put the link to the full interview so as many people as possible get to see it. It's good stuff. Obviously it isn't going to do much for those indoctrinated into the cult of stupidity, but maybe for those on the fence- who knows. I don't understand how it's close - between a prosecutor and a felon who spouts jibberish, lies, and sour grapes 24/7, but I don't understand a lot about Trump supporters. 

Anyway- here you go! 

Hair Removal IPL Ulike Air 10

 

 I haven't reviewed a product in a long time but this one, the Ulike Air 10 is totally warranted. Just as a disclaimer, I don't get anything from this review, except the satisfaction that I actually bought a kind of As Seen On TV product and it actually worked. Now, it's As Seen on Reels or TikTok but As Seen On TV were my first introduction to life hacking gadgets, which I always get suckered in to buying. Some have been good, like the Brown & Serve microwave bags, some not so good, like the Eurosealer. 

I actually don't know how I saw this thing because I really don't go on TikTok. I do scroll Reels for cat videos, little kids saying curse words in context, and Matt Matthews. It's just not something I do on the regular. The Air 10 videos must have just came up and once I watched one, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then, I did my typical researching the heck out of it. I was comparing all IPL at home devices for a few weeks. The regular retail price is $399 though which is way too steep for me. Except that every influencer making a video was giving some kind of discount, anywhere from $80 off to $130 off. Even the website itself always has some kind of spin-the-wheel coupon for the same type of discounts. I entered my email on their site and got the coupon for $130 off AND I forget the percentage of cash back on Rakuten at the time, but it was high. I received almost $22 back from that purchase. It may not seem like a lot but it all adds up and maybe that could cover the tax. 

From my research, it seemed like the Ulike was a solid choice. I had looked at the Braun Silk Pro 5 but, at the time, it was definitely more expensive. I think it was closer to five hundred dollars, which was totally not even close to in my budget. Now Braun has the i-Expert or something but I don't know anything about that one nor how low you can get the Pro 5 for now. I was also intrigued by the cooling technology of the Ulike Air 10. I knew if I got something that was painful, it would be a waste. I don't have a high pain threshold and you HAVE to be consistent with any IPL device for it to work. I read a lot of reviews and the general consensus was that the Ulike hurt less than any of the others, or was painless. 

 

To start, I have naturally medium to dark brown hair, fair skin and blue eyes. In the summer I do get pretty tan but the rest of the year, I'm very white. I am fairly hairy. As in, I don't have excessive dark hair on my arms. I actually have pretty light hair on my arms. I've never shaved them, I've never had an issue with arm hair. But I have dark upper lip hair. It isn't thick or anything, but it's there. I'd gone for professional laser before, for six sessions. It definitely lessened it, but it didn't get rid of it. If I shaved my legs or armpits in the morning, I'd have stubble by the end of the day. I was getting Brazilian bikini waxes around every six weeks but could've gone sooner than the six weeks. Think about the cost of just the waxes alone. If I was paying for approximately ten waxes a year, at around fifty dollars each time, just for an average, one year is five hundred dollars. If this device worked, it would pay for itself pretty quick. 

I received my Air 10 on July 6th, 2024. I think I actually used it for the first time the next day. A schedule card comes in the directions and I wanted to start on a Sunday. I was also leaving for a trip that coming Thursday. You're supposed to use it every other day, or at least 3x a week, for the first month. I didn't want to have to take it with me and do it on the trip because I didn't know what it would be like, if I'd have time, where I'd be able to do it, etc. I figured if I did it Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, I could just wait until Sunday again when I was home. 

You are supposed to do the first time on the Fast setting, to make sure you don't have any reaction. I did that. Then I moved up to Normal. That was fine, but I think I did the next one on Normal too. Then I moved up to High. All felt fine. It really was painless. There's an option with those three settings to put it on Auto where you just slide it along an area and don't have to put the pulse button over and over. It will just pulse automatically as you move it and it senses hair follicles. If it doesn't sense follicles on an area, you'll see two red lines where the sensor shows and you have to maneuver it until the sensor finds follicles. For example, sometimes it's difficult on the front of your shin, on bone. The sensor window needs to be flat against the area and on bone that can be tricky. You just have to move it around, turn it a little sideways, whatever you need to do. 

After about a week and a half of using it, I decided to go online and just look for any tips and tricks. I was using it on my upper lip, armpits, full leg, the area between my belly button down to my bikini area, and the bikini area sides. I don't know how to better explain this without a diagram. Yes, it's a crude diagram but easier to illustrate this way.

When I say I started with the bikini AREA, I mean everywhere AROUND that square. I didn't go deeper into that square area until I was done with the first month. There were a few reasons why I didn't start there. One was simply, time. I didn't have the time to do EVERYTHING at once.

I ended up on Reddit and read everything I could find that was somewhat recent. The directions that come with the device are typical Made in China directions. They basically give you very little direction. They didn't explain that you're supposed to do 2-3 passes per area. If you're using the Fast/Normal/High modes, there is one one or two pulses per pass over. I forget if it's one during fast and two for other settings, but if you use SHR mode- I think it stands for Super Hair Removal, there are four pulses. It was already taking me like forty-five minutes to do my legs, armpits, belly button to top of diagram square, and bikini line sides on Normal or High. If I was to use the SHR mode it would take even longer. The SHR mode doesn't allow you to use the Auto function so you have to press the button every time. Plus, with four pulses, that's obviously going to take longer per spot than one or two pulses. 

You're supposed to shave, at least in the beginning of using it, a day before using the device. They give you a five blade razor to do it with. Again, they don't really go into detail on the directions. They just tell you that you need to shave prior. In reading Reddit and other places, I'd gotten the idea that you're just not supposed to wax because you need follicles there to kill, but it doesn't really matter if you shave the same day, day before or even have a slight stubble. You're also supposed to be free of any lotions or deodorant, so you want to shower or just be free of that stuff when you go to use it. 

I decided by week two that I was going to go a little rogue and do it more but at different times. I'd do it daily but maybe do one pass of the armpits on SHR at night if I showered then and then again in the morning. I would go to sleep sans deodorant and by the next day, if I'd put lotion on after using it, that lotion would be fully absorbed and not impede anything. I actually think you're not supposed to use lotion because it stops the sensor window from getting cold. I got lotion on it once and I noticed it was getting hot. I quickly gave it a wipe down and it went back to being cold. 

 

I did get a little obsessed with it. I was doing it daily or maybe I'd skip a day but I was really diligent with it. Some areas got more attention than others, but then again, some areas were more important to me and also had more hair growth.  I read somewhere that the bottom line is that the more often you use it, the faster the results. I looked all over for any downside to using it more than the recommended amount and couldn't find any reason not to use it as much as possible. I think most people don't and that's why they tell you to do every other day or three times a week because that's way less daunting in someone's head than telling them to use it daily.

Results: I haven't had to shave my legs, armpits, belly button down, or bikini area (outside the square) since approximately August 20th. I wasn't consistent with the lip. I just would forget about it. Or I'd put my face serum on as soon as I got out of the shower on autopilot and I'd just tell myself I'll just get to it next time. So I'm still remembering to do that currently. The influencers like call it dolphin pits and they aren't wrong. I really can't even believe I no longer have to even look at them, let alone shave them. Imagine being in the shower and not having to shave anything. The TIME that cuts down is one major thing. Being able to just decide to go to the town pool and not having to shave first. I have worn a Lands End skirted tankini bottom for years, but before it was partially to hide an imperfect or non-shave. Now, it's just so I'm not ugly naked all over my neighbors. 

 

To the naked eye, my full legs are hairless. You know how a plucked chicken sometimes has a few light hairs still there? In the sunlight, at the pool, I could see some light, fine, plucked chicken hairs on areas of my leg. Only in the sunlight though. I couldn't see them or even feel them otherwise. I also don't think the sensors on the device would get them anyway. On any device. I guess if I was going to a wedding and wearing a formal dress, maybe I'd do a swipe with my Schick Intuition. It would really be just a few swipes though, if I wanted to feel like I was completely fully smooth. But there is no stubble as you know it. Just some wispy hairs. 

The inner square (see diagram above), is another story. I haven't shaved there in years. I've always waxed. I'm afraid of ingrown hairs. I had that happen once and yadda yadda, I had to go to the hospital to deal with the aftermath. I have a bit of PTSD of shaving there because of it. I also just couldn't do all these areas of hair removal at the same time. It was just way too time consuming. I just wanted to the main area that could be visible in a bathing suit to be dealt with at first. Then I would move on. And I did. But I haven't been able to be consistent with it and I will say, that area does pinch a little more than I'd like. Which, is probably why I haven't been as consistent. It's definitely patchy, but not it's not gone. I feel like I have time to work on that though. Summer is over, bathing suits are over now here, so it's only a personal preference kind of thing. 

I would say it was one hundred percent a worthwhile purchase and would encourage anyone tired of razors, shaving cream, waxing or whatever to get one. I would much rather do it myself in the comfort of my home over driving somewhere and having someone else all up in my areas. I also can't imagine getting it done professionally is any faster. When I went for my lip, they told me to space my appointments to once a month. Using this device, I was done with areas after a month. I think you're supposed to do maintenance twice a month, which I have been doing but two times a month is nothing.  I was sick for like two weeks and didn't do it at all and still have no growth.

Now, I'm using it on my fifteen year old son too. He was getting irritated from shaving on his neck area. Since he's never going to want a neck beard, I have no problem doing it there for him. He also doesn't like body hair so I started doing it on the small of his back and chest. We haven't had the time to be consistent but it's definitely slowed the growth down in all those places. 

I'm really happy with this purchase so I just had to share. Who wouldn't want to lessen the time andf money invested in their beauty regimen. I got waxed for Memorial Day weekend and that was the last time. I can't see ever needing to do that again. I didn't buy razors all summer. I had a few in the house and used the one Ulike sent me and the few I had around. I know I dreaded having to shave my legs or armpits or make that wax appointment. Now I don't have to and neither will you! 

**Ulike Customer Service review: Truth be told, my device malfunctioned approximately two months after receiving and using. The sensor wasn't sensing anything so therefore couldn't pulse. There were no lines instead of the two red lines. I was braced for a problem because I'd read their customer service wasn't the best. 

I had a fine experience. I sent them the info they requested. They wanted the serial number on the device- a photo of it. They wanted a short video of what was happening. I took a video. A photo of the receipt- which was easy because I got it from them. It was in my account online. The only thing I'd say that is important and a lot of people may have an issue with- they wanted it sent back in the original box with all the accoutrements. I had all of that because that's just something I do. I save boxes. I had the original box, the glasses, the free aloe vera (not opened), the directions, everything. I don't know if they would've given me a problem if I didn't have all that, but I did. I did forget to sent the original razor back but they didn't hassle me. They actually sent the new one out the day the old one was scanned by UPS when I shipped. They didn't make me wait until they received it to send out the new one. I was very happy with their level of customer service.

Nobody Wants This

 

B and I just binged this new show on Netflix, called Nobody Wants This. Most the Jews I know were excited for this show or already watching and posting about it on Facebook by the day after it came out. We love a good rom-com show or movie with Jewish overtones. We don't get them often but we also don't get them often with Adam Brody and Kristen Bell. Who doesn't want a little Seth Cohen reprieve? 

 

***Spoilers below- so if you haven't watch, you probably don't want to read any further. 

Ten episodes, about a half hour each. Definitely not enough time. I love a good quickie but there's definitely not enough time to flesh out characters fully and tell a whole story in either thirty minutes or ten episodes. However, this show does do a pretty good job because of the off-the-charts chemistry between Adam Brody and K-Bell. I do feel we are getting a little cheated. Sex and the City was a half hour but we got anywhere from twelve to twenty episodes a season. I really don't understand, aside from salaries, why the much shorter format on every new show. Goof on me all you want for still watching network Primetime shows, but I want more than ten a season. Anyway, Adam and Kristen have amazing chemistry. You can totally forget about Summer and Logan. #iykyk 

 

I read an article by Evelyn Frick fact checking the Judaism through every episode of the show. I appreciate this because, while I am not religious in any way, I do know a little more than the basics, and it's annoying when a show totally disregards reality. At least do the research. Like, on Friends, Monica, Ross and Rachel were all supposed to be Jewish and there were so many bizarre Jewish errors or omissions there. I've written about this before, so if you're interested in that, just put Jewish in the search bar of my blog. I'm sure you'll find those entries. So, of course, I was waiting on Nobody Wants This for there to be some Jewish flubs. 

 

To my shock and delight, especially fact checked by Evelyn in the article cited above, there doesn't seem to be too many glaring factual gaffes. Except one. I think it was episode 7, Noah tells Joanne that she'll meet his friends at the basketball game- ON SATURDAY. He had just made a big deal about Shabbat in a previous episode and now he's playing a basketball game- with other Jews, who I assume are the same level of Jewish, on a Saturday? Maybe they're reform. And we don't know if they were supposed to be playing against other Jews, but it just seemed odd to me when there are five other days of the week they could've played, where it wouldn't have stuck out to have the big game on a Saturday. Especially if he's going for this head rabbi position. 

 

I've already read the other articles about this show, debating as to whether it plays into long told tropes of the whole boring Jewish girl vs hot blond shiksappeal.  I'm not going there. I mean, Adam Brody, Kristen Bell, that's where we are and that's what the story is about. And I like it. A lot. I'm already annoyed that we watched it just as it came out so we'll probably have to wait a whole year for another ten very short episodes. We should've waited like eleven months so we'd be closer to that season number two. 

I like that Noah surprised us. He didn't play into all the stereotypes, probably because there were only ten episodes. They had to move things along. He didn't just cave to his disapproving mom or his boss. He apologized as soon as he was called out for crappy behavior, like hiding Joanne at the Jewish camp. He actually talked about his feelings each and every time. I loved standing up for Joanne  to his mom at the family meal. Raymond wouldn't have done that to Marie - not Jewish, but same kind of stereotype. 

I did think it was weird that the family seems to be kosher, at least in the house, but then Bina ate all the prosciutto. I get that it was a leverage thing they were playing out there but are they kosher or not kosher? I would think that would be a really big deal if they're kosher in the house for her to just eat it like a racoon. I just didn't like that they chose that to make her a hypocrite over. Because it makes choosing to keep kosher seem like a throwaway thing, or not that big of a deal. Maybe I'm just being picky on this one. I just know people who are kosher and then people who are just kosher in the house and I feel like if you really keep kosher in your house, the thought of that would be really gross? One time my cousin's husband thought a restaurant put bacon in his food by accident and he freaked out. And they don't even keep kosher in the house or out but pig is strict no, in or out. I guess I just want to know what level of Jewish are they in the show. It's ambiguous I guess for story's sake and I don't like the ambiguity.

That brings me to the casting. Noah's parents are an odd choice for me. That first generation Russian thing with Bina is hard to relate to and she just doesn't seem like she'd be Noah's mom. While it does seem like they're not trying to play into every old stereotype so they didn't make her Paul's mom from Mad About You, Ross and Monica's Mom from Friends - American Jewish, miserable, etc, she just doesn't seem like someone Noah would think of as his "favorite person". They don't give her any warmth and with the lack of time, we never see any sweet moments between Noah and Bina. They just don't seem all that close or like they have much chemistry together. At least with Noah's dad, they had a genuine moment when they were all at the hospital to make sure Rebecca was okay after her fender bender with the bus. They made Bina so tough, it's also hard to understand how Noah wouldn't have anticipated the reactions.

 

I didn't think about this until I started writing but while I love Noah and Joanne together, I'm thinking they have to be playing younger since he's never married, no kids and is looking to do all that. Or, we have to be wondering what's wrong with this guy who is in his forties who has never been married, has no kids but is a rabbi. Realistically, or at least in my experience, he'd have like three kids, at least, by his age. A single woman in her forties in LA who has never been married and has no kids is more believable, because of the whole coastal elites thing of too many hot people, too little time, too much superficiality, etc. Except if they're supposed to be in their forties, I don't know how much it would matter about them being interfaith because of having non-Jewish children. Not that women in their forties can't have biological kids, but it certainly could be more difficult and it's definitely not a given. I read an article somewhere that they're supposed to be around forty, according to AB.

I didn't get the brother Sasha at first. He grew on me by the middle. I'd say it was the episode he was really high on gummies and had to help his daughter through a friend and boy problem while mom was out. I really loved the whole dad and daughter dynamic going on there. I also loathed Esther at first. I think she was supposed to be loathsome but she also grew on me. Especially in the last episode with the bat mitzvah dress. I don't like that they made her so harsh in the beginning though. I also wish they wouldn't have used her harshness in the trailer. It makes it seem like Jews are only funny or palatable on television as total stereotypes. Esther is actually nuanced, which, again, isn't easy in such a short time. She just didn't need to be introduced so harshly. 

The truth is, while some of these stereotypes are true, and someone else wrote that it might just be an uncomfortable mirror to have to look into, which is also true, it's not the whole story, and I don't recall ever really getting to see the other side played out. I've definitely heard shiksas are just for practice, which is definitely not cool. I've also been asked, heard it asked of others, when mentioning a new romantic interest, is he Jewish? To be fair though, at least in my situation, it was because of the other side, which we don't see, where the problem is being the Jew, walking into a WASP house, or an Italian or Irish Catholic situation and feeling the total frost take over. I'll never forget a teen boyfriend of mine telling me his sister asked him, "did you tell mom she's Jewish?". Neither one of us understood why. But it was a thing. It's always a thing.

The writers made Joanne's family totally devoid of religion.  They were written so kooky that Noah being Jewish and being a rabbi totally took a backseat to the idea that a serious boyfriend was making Joanne boring, less sexual, and therefore possibly ruining the podcast she and her sister do for a living. They also made Joanne, a single, dating, sexual being, in LA, so completely unknowing about anything Jewish whatsoever. She'd never been to a bar or bat mitzvah, didn't know basic Yiddish words, had no idea about Shabbat at all? So, in ALL her time in LA, she'd never encountered any Jews before? No Jewish friends? With all the sex she supposedly had and all the boyfriends, there wasn't ONE Jew in the mix? I have non-Jewish friends in the NYC metro area suburbs and they still know the basics. Even Carrie Bradshaw and friends didn't play as Jewish but they knew Jewish stuff because- NYC. Joanne clearly didn't go to Catholic school from her upbringing of no religion besides celebrating Christmas, so I just find it completely farfetched that she has no Jewish knowledge of basic things like the Sabbath.

All in all- it's a really good show because of most of the cast. I'm totally looking forward to a season 2, fingers crossed. I can't imagine it won't go forward, seeing that it seems to be a hot pick on Netflix. Even if you're not psyched about the subject matter, there has to be a little curiosity about a Veronica/Seth pairing. Maybe some of it could've come off as cheesy if it wasn't this cast, but you also can't help picturing Seth Cohen saying a lot of it and it comes off as total geek-smooth. I also love the idea of someone knowing they're too much, showing all their crazy as a defense mechanism, and finding the person that loves their brand of crazy. It's a very there's ass for every seat kind of romantic.

Can we just talk about abortion for a minute?

 It's been a few hours since the Harris/Trump debate ended. I've been watching the pundits do their thing on CNN. Well, I have it on, but I'm not really watching, just have it on as background noise. 

There was a lot of egregious lies told by the twice impeached, disgraced felon, former president but I want to talk about abortion for a minute. He kept saying how this issue has divided the country for fifty two years and he brought the country together by bringing the vote back to the states. He got it out of the federal government. He's proud of the three supreme court justices he appointed who overturned Roe v Wade so the people in the states could vote on it. This whole topic has me unable to go to sleep.

I can't be the only person who finds putting what should be each woman's private health business up for a vote completely insane. I don't care what someone else's religious beliefs are regarding abortion. If you don't want one based on your religion- great, don't have one. But why isn't anyone saying, or brave enough to say- someone's health care shouldn't be dependent on anyone else's VOTE?? How is it acceptable to ANYONE, that your quality or allowance of care basically comes down to the good or bad luck of where you're born or where you've moved to prior to the overturning of Roe v Wade. THERE NEEDS TO BE FEDERAL LAW because you shouldn't have to move or travel just to be able to make decisions about your own body!

There are so many issues with Trump- I could never get into them all. He's the antithesis of everything I believe in, care about, want for the world we're leaving to our children. That is a no-brainer. I can't wrap my head around anyone who believes anything he says, is fine with him saying he wants to be a dictator, and all of Project 2025. But. I'm going to just stick with abortion here. Or not even just abortion, but women's reproductive health care. I'm not sure if people are just uneducated or what, exactly? Think it doesn't apply to them if they aren't of child bearing age or desire? 

Abortion. That word, I suppose, to some people, is just the image of woman, maybe young, maybe of color, poverty, slutty, who just doesn't feel like using birth control, can't keep her legs closed, and doesn't want the hassle or burden of having a baby. I feel like there needs to a mandatory re-education class for adults on reproduction and pregnancy. Because while the word, abortion, may be the same to describe different situations, abortion isn't just one kind of act. There are women who are losing their ability to ever have children because they can't get the proper care they need to save their reproductive system. They are carrying a non-viable fetus but can't terminate legally. 

Trump talked about how the democrats are radical on abortion. Democrats are allowing babies to be born and deciding to execute them on the spot. That would actually be called murder. AND THAT ISN'T HAPPENING. No one is aborting actual live born babies. As far as late term abortions- that isn't really true either. Or, at least, in the way the anti-abortion coalition and the Trump machine are trying to make it out to be. If someone gets to the last trimester- THEY WANTED A BABY. Something tragic had to have happened by that point where the FETUS WASN'T VIABLE. Nurseries have been designed and put into motion. Names have been picked. A life imagined. For any woman to have a late term abortion, TRAGEDY has struck that woman, her family, her friends.

Anti-abortionists will say that someone has to fight for the unborn. Pro-choice people ARE fighting for the unborn. To not be kept alive in a womb while in pain. Anti-abortionists say fetuses can feel pain. Well, if they are considered by medical professionals to be terminal, then anyone who considers themselves humane should want to end the pain in the womb. 

But even if you just don't want a baby, you shouldn't be forced to have one. End of story. Pregnancy happens. Even when you're careful. Sometimes it just happens. And what a woman does about it should remain between that woman and her doctor. 

I also don't understand why the common sense answer isn't just that we don't have a national religion. Christianity is the one with a problem with abortion. I'm not Christian. I don't believe anything about Christianity. Why should Christianity rule ANYONE'S health care choices who don't believe in that religion? 

It is irresponsible at best to have states deciding on what is or isn't allowed by law to do with your own body. It's completely unacceptable that a fourteen year old rape victim has to carry a fetus to term because she had the bad luck to be assaulted in Mississippi versus New Jersey. It's unacceptable the women in NJ might have to wait a month, carrying a fetus they can't take care of or don't want, to see a provider who will perform an abortion because women from other states had to flee their own state to find one to do it for them. Proper health care shouldn't be left to the luck of the geographical draw. 

Don't think this is just a woman problem either. What if you're the husband? The brother? The father? Someone you love can't get the care they need. Sometimes it's care that's life or death. Or life or death of their dream to have a family in the future. Think about that when you're voting AGAINST half the population not having a say over their own body autonomy just based on where they live.