The photo above... it was called broken dreams and disappointments. I thought it was fitting.
If only you saw all the drafts in queue of this blog. This is why this blog has basically become a wasteland. I start a brain dump but I can't even finish because I know I sound rambling and insane. B would say I sound like a Stern wackpacker. I can't just go around calling people trash either because I don't need to reach the people who read me because they're on the same side. I need to get into the heads of those who hate-read or don't realize what they're getting into when they're reading my stuff until they're already IN.
I'm scared. I'm not usually scared of anything. But I'm scared. It didn't take Hitler long to dismantle a democracy and it doesn't seem like it's going to take long to dismantle this one either. I think I've been asking for like eight years- "WHERE ARE THE PARENTS??". At least with Biden, it wasn't like waking up to doom, gloom and chaos every day. We still had the threat of a second term looming though, for Don the Con. We were still barraged by crazy talk and threats and stupidity. We never fully got a reprieve.
I'm trying to find a balance now...of finding ways to help, but not overloading on news. I'm writing letters, calling state representatives, and then watching a shit-ton of 90's tv. I've re-watched One Tree Hill, Felicity, and E and I burned through all of My So Called Life. I'm about to buy Party of Five so E and I can watch that.
I wish I could understand what the actual F is going through the minds of people I know who voted for this hot mess of an administration. How they actually believe this six times bankrupt, sexual predator, convicted felon, was going to do anything positive for them. Also, I'd like to remind them, they can call themselves Christian or Catholic all they want but saying it doesn't make it true. You're supposed to walk the walk to actually BE one and everything this administration is doing is the antithesis of what I'm pretty sure Christianity is supposed to be about. So, they're fake. You're fake if you're reading this, you go to church, you claim to be a Christian, and you voted for this. I'll never think you're anything but a complete phony. You can continue to sit there, stand, take your wafer, do the Our Father or whatever, and get on your knees. But you're a fraud. A FRAUD. And since you believe in this stuff- you'll be the one answering to your maker. #isaidwhatisaid
Anyone I had to get rid of on Facebook, I had to do so, not (just) because they are a Trump supporter, but because they posted, re-posted, or liked something sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, antisemitic, or all of it. You thought that racist meme of Obama or Kamala was funny? BYE. Or continuously re-posted complete fabrications of news. Not real news. Completely moronic untruths. For example, let's say- stuff about Haitians eating cats and dogs. I DON'T WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT. I'm not going to look complicit by being friended to you on social media. I don't want to be associated with lies, but I also don't want to know people who actually believe that stuff. I got rid of moms more concerned with banning books than making sure underserved kids get free school lunch. Pretty sure Jesus would give kids who need it free lunch and not say they should be working picking berries. Yeah, a real state representative said that. Look it up. I'm not Google. I had to block moms of old classmates who jumped on the Trump train even though their daughters now have less rights than they had. It's complete madness.
Hindsight is 20/20 of course. I should've known who would end up being a racist loser but I attribute not knowing to having grown up in a white bubble. I knew my friends using the N word was wrong. I didn't use it. It made me extremely uncomfortable. I said it makes me uncomfortable. But no one cared and I didn't do anything about it because I didn't know what to do. I should've known the guy who bullied people in school would end up being a mentally ill racist as an adult but I don't know- he didn't bully me so I didn't think much about it. By high school I was being bullied, and was barely there- physically and mentally, so I really stopped knowing these people and their trajectory by middle school. I should've known that the ignorant parents would end up with ignorant kids. I just never thought we'd get HERE. To this place of a complete lack of humanity, compassion, and tolerance of just letting people live their lives. And I'm not going to be complicit or ignorant. I have a KID. I have to help leave this world better than this. Just know now, though, I try to walk the walk every day.
Nostalgia means zero to me. I can recognize that we had some good times in the 80's and 90's but that's over. I don't need or want friends who only give a shit about people who look like them, worship like them, believe like them. People who say they want small government out of one side of their mouths, but are all about legislating gender, reproductive health, religion (forcing Christian Nationalism) and more. I certainly don't want to be on the same planet with people smiling next to cardboard cutouts of their big orange daddy. Bye girl bye. I wish others would put their money where their mouth is and shun the worst of humanity among us and stop worrying or caring about the fact that we may have gone to nursery school together. I've already explained- this isn't about "politics". This is about humanity and values. If your values suck, I care zero that you were at my Bat Mitzvah. Or that we had fun sleepovers in fifth grade. If you suck in 2025, you suck. Full stop.
So here we are. In a shitstorm race to the bottom. The worst of the worst people. What are we going to do? No other countries want us. B, E and me- we have the added layer of being Jews. So, REALLY, no countries want us. I actually looked into it. It's not easy to leave this country and the countries who might accept us, Americans, may not be the best place for Jews. We're pretty much stuck. We also don't have unlimited funds to just fly the coop, so to speak. So we have to figure out how we're going to stay here and thrive in what we've been handed. Hopefully I won't have to really start judging people by who would hide us.
I just don't know how we're going to endure four years of this. Already, I just saw a new breaking news post about the Department of Education being eliminated. Like the southern states weren't already at the bottom of the barrel of education. Keep the people dumb so they're easy to control... It's happening, my friends, it's happening. The only positive I can come up with is that this is a test of our complacency. Hilary losing wasn't enough. We got respite with Biden. Many of us, who were exhausted by the first Trump term and the pandemic, just needed a nap. Well, that nap cost us BIGLY. Now, we have no choice but to fight or Elon is our president and we might as well get fitted for our Handmaid's Tale dresses. I can't spend any more time debating people on what is or isn't a Nazi salute. So instead of debating people I'd rather spend time doing positive things. I don't know much more 90s and Y2K tv I can watch or how much longer I can sustain this new cooking thing I've taken up, but I plan to do more of that and find ways to help take action.
That's all I can say now. My attention span is short, I'm half listening to The Bachelor right now- hey, I said I have to find balance.... and I'm tired. The theater production, Something Rotten, that E is in is finally on stage this week, and I've been consumed with stuff for that. I don't want another half finished entry. What I'll leave you with is- I HOPE PEOPLE GET EXACTLY WHAT THEY VOTED FOR. And then some. All. Of. It. "I didn't know" "I didn't realize" - guess what? You should have and my wish for you is to get the USA you deserve.
Stay tuned for ways to get involved. Talk the talk. Walk the walk. I'm not just going to dig my own grave, that's for damn sure.
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