Sorting it Out

I woke up, super angry, after an extremely frustrating dream, having to do with pants (my favorite Abercrombie & Fitch white capri cargo pants from the early 2000's). In my nightmare, a person cut in line ahead of me at the store. And she didn't give a crap that she was cutting. So I got hostile. Picture Frances McDormand in Friends With Money. It wasn't about pants though- the frustration, anger and anxiety I was feeling though. It was about waking up every day feeling unsettled and nervous.

Frances McDormand, Friends With Money

I go back and forth whether to put anything out there on my blog, on my Facebook page, or anywhere. Silence is dangerous and deadly. On the other hand, I just don't want to talk about what's going on in the world. I don't want to talk about racism, antisemitism, Charlottesville. I've just been quietly soldiering on, trying to keep my head down, eye on the prize of turning over elections to get people into office who are against all the hate.

I feel like I've done all my talking. I have been feeling like a lot of my talking fell on deaf ears. You know I'm at a loss when I don't even really jump into a debate about this on B's page. It felt pointless with the people's statements they felt bizarrely comfortable putting out there. I KNOW there's no WAY they would've felt okay putting those thoughts out publicly without the general feeling Trump has put out there as acceptable behavior. Now pussy grabbing, ridiculing everyone including the disabled, mocking people's looks, etc are all acceptable or easily explained away.

The guy on B's page said- "I voted for him. I don't see how he is any different than any other president when it comes to support.. you say what you have to in order to get their votes. But to blame him for one wacko's actions is a bit far reaching bro. 

 We needed a change here in the US. Trump was it. I would vote for him again for that reason alone. The sludge that we call Washington needs to go. The "Free" press is a one sided reporting agency. Never in my life have I seen such an outright war against one person as this president. If he farts wrong, they are on it. Also, I don't care about pussy talk - Sorry to tell you ladies, I am sure that every man has at some point thrown out a little locker room talk..."   

This- THIS, is the perfect illustration of what we're dealing with. When you believe that the "sludge" is everyone else but the devil with the orange face & that there's "one wacko" to contend with, that's where you have lost your humanity, credibility, and my respect. You know what- I'll give you- maybe locker room talk does seem to pale in comparison to: kill the blacks (using the N word), Jews, gays, Muslims, brown people of any kind, illegals, Mexicans, etc. Did I miss anyone? But if you have daughters or women in your life you care about in any way, maybe you should prioritize how men think and speak about women a little higher than pushing it off as "locker room talk".

I feel disappointed in a lot of people I thought were better humans than what they're putting out into the world. I have felt hurt & betrayed deeply by people who pretended to be something they're not. Made it out like they're on the side of love, understanding, openness, empathy & compassion, only to be on the train of hate, giving every excuse in the book as to why the vote and/or the hate should be overlooked. To my face seemed one way, behind my back, out of earshot, quite the opposite. I don't know that I've ever felt so duped & sad in my entire life. And for the first time ever, scared.

It *IS* comforting to see the quotes and memes about love, resisting, peace, so I can feel like I'm not living in a world just filled with selfies, navel gazing, and what the Kardashians are doing. I want to feel like people care, so it's nice to see all the people who aren't FOR the KKK, Nazis, white supremacy, and whatever other hate groups and feelings are being put out there. Posting quotes and memes though isn't enough. It's not actually DOING anything. The people that need to read, see, and comprehend, aren't interested or reading. They're like putting their fingers in their ears, saying "lalalalalalalala" and hiding behind faux religion, scripture interpretation, rogue sermons, and skewed history.

I know they aren't interested or reading because I specifically went to Facebook pages of some people I know I saw vocally supporting Trump before, during and after the election. I wanted to see if they changed their tune. Radio silence would've been better than what I saw on some pages. I saw what basically amounted to - "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater". That none of...THIS...is his fault. Or just #fakenews! Regurgitated Fox News rhetoric. Some were radio silence and that was a tiny silver lining, but certainly doesn't inspire hope, peace, or love.

There was a very nice article written about our peaceful vigil and this blind hatred was the ONE comment. This just illustrates the complete lack of any kind of reality or common sense. #ThanksObama

Credit: http://www.northjersey.com/story/news/bergen/glen-rock/2017/08/15/glen-rock-vigil-charlottesville-we-wont-stand-hate/571436001/

I had actually forgotten about the vigil last night. I'd seen the event on Facebook and I knew I wanted to go, but it slipped my mind. At 7:23pm I saw a friend post she was there, so B, E and I quickly put shoes on and ran out of the house to walk downtown. It started at 7:30 and we made it by 7:35. I was encouraged by the approximately two hundred person crowd. After some emotional speeches, B pointed out someone, with her small children, that we thought was on the other side. I went over to her and found out she's a huge progressive and even though her children were tired, she made them attend anyway- because it was important for them to be part of a vigil against hate.

I immediately teared up. I couldn't help myself. It was just really nice to find an ally where you didn't know you had one. We're both white women but we come from different backgrounds, different religious backgrounds. To describe her on paper- white, practicing Irish Catholic, middle to upper middle class, she has the same characteristics of others I know who are Trumpettes. Finding out she isn't just made me verklempt. Relieved. I've had to lose, get rid of or been dumped by so many along the way, after having to find out via social media or conversation, that they agree with racism, alternative facts, antisemitism, xenophobia, homophobia. Or voted because of their own monetary agenda, not caring about what else they were taking with it. Or just through deafening silence to atrocities committed in the name of this new republican party.

My friend Arati Kreibich, who I want to see as one of the the next leaders on our town council, made a beautiful, moving speech. It needs to be heard.

The only thing I can come up with, for this passive acceptance of hate, is that people are so far removed from WWII that they don't really know what the Nazis did? That it's all just words in history books? I'm not sure- but lest anyone forgot, here are some photos- some from Charlottesville this past weekend, and some from the Holocaust. All those photos could be from the same time period.

I got emotional again, watching Jimmy Kimmel do his monologue about Trump's....speech. That speech, yesterday, when Trump said- "There were fine people on both sides". Jimmy said it best when he said something like- "if you find yourself in a group with nazis and white supremacists, there is no one there is that a very fine person". That he has to say that, and that I actually know people, real people, not just randoms in article comments or on Twitter, who will disagree with him, is soul crushing.

Someone I've known for 20+ years posted that "this" (what happened in Charlottesville) all happened because people want to rewrite history by taking down a statue. Please. Just be quiet. I don't have the energy to argue. I don't care how many articles you cite from so-called conservative, and/or openly alt-right websites, you're extremely privileged. You don't have any idea "how this all happened" if you think it's about feeling oppressed by statues. Until you really understand what empathy is, stop talking about who should or shouldn't feel oppressed by what.

I feel like I'm on a constant emotional rollercoaster. I've been on the edge of tears, filled with anxiety, and then consumed with anger at the flip of a switch. I felt a glimmer of hope and support when I got a message from someone that I grew up with. Someone I know who feels the same kind of fear I do- she's not Jewish, but has biracial children. It was helpful to feel the solidarity. But within minutes I was just reminded of all the people we both had to cut out that have turned out to be PROUD deplorables, burying their head in the sand, hiding behind alternative facts, and what they insist is fake news.

Seeing all the swastikas, hearing the chants, reading the signs, seeing all this hate alive, well, and proudly attributed to our current president and administration is surreal. Not fully denouncing AND blaming a new made up "alt-left" certainly doesn't make me feel confident that another Holocaust couldn't happen. Germany didn't think it could happen there either. We know how that went down.

As I've written before, I'm an atheist. Yet, I'm still a Jew. How does that work? Well, according to ancestry.com and 23andMe, I don't even get a specific country. I'm just "European Jewish". It's in my DNA. Even if I choose to be Saved tomorrow, I'm still a Jew. *How insane is it that I had to think after I posted this that maybe I shouldn't put that I'm a Jew out on the internet? That if it stuff goes down here, I just branded myself and my family...

I still get antisemitic remarks made in my own store. I had to explain to my son in age appropriate language when he was in Jewish preschool, what antisemitism is and means when Molotov Cocktails were being thrown into synagogues in my county. I had to engage in arguments with people in my own town who feel that "the obnoxious people", i.e., the Jews, had to ruin Christmas here because "things were fine the way they were when people were allowed to say Merry Christmas (last I checked they still are allowed), and we just had Santa and a Christmas tree". My husband was called "that Jew in the lamp store" when spoken about to other shop owners for not supporting a program monetarily detrimental to the small business owners. Both B and I get told we don't "look Jewish" all the time- like it's a compliment. I've consistently heard judgment commentary about how crazy it is to have to PAY to go to temple. I remember being asked if I was Jewish if and if that made me a "JAP" (Jewish American Princess). Those are just off the top of my head.

I don't need to practice religion to still feel discrimination just for being born of Jewish heritage. I don't have to practice Judaism to feel unwelcome or unsafe because by blood I'm a Jew. That's why religion and ethnicity are complicated when it comes to being Jewish. I'm not going to magically believe in God, but my blood is my blood. I can appreciate my heritage and quite frankly, since I've always been very "Damn the Man", I'm happy to be a minority. I like that little bit of difference I get to own. If anything, all this hate has made me feel closer to my heritage (not faith) because I like being the underdog. Nothing better than when the underdog comes out on top. I also think that we have to find a way to pluck something good out of such horrifying adversity. We're tough. We've managed to thrive no matter how many people or group want to extinguish us as a whole.
http://www.kveller.com/pinks-jewish-awakening-gives-me-hope-after-charlottesville/

What I won't accept is people feeling like they are owed "the country". That they should get to walk the streets of a country that is supposed to represent equality for all, saying "Jews will not replace us", whatever that means, with tiki torches and swastikas. Considering we're still a minority, there aren't enough of us to replace anyone, and I don't know how we're trying to replace anyone, that's a bizarre chant. And turning citronella into a hate vessel is just lunacy. We won't "replace" you? No, we won't. We will coexist whether you like it or not.

I never cared much what people think about anything. Call it the Leo in me. Positive or negative- as far back as middle school- I was never a social climber, did my own thing, and never asked for opinions. I'm still the same today. It would've never occurred to me to hide being Jewish. It doesn't occur to me to hide anything. But a Facebook friend posted an article last night that reminded me of people like my husband, who was made to feel different, like an outsider, by his own friends, in high school just by being Jewish. How, when I met him, he didn't even tell people he's Jewish. For anyone to feel they have to do that is heartbreaking.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/15/opinion/jewish-charlottesville-anti-semitism.html

A police officer friend said to me last night- well, even if we were all the same color, or the same religion, hate would still go on- it would be the blue eyes against the brown eyes or the blondes vs the redheads. My answer was- "Well, we still have to try to be the change for the positive. We can't just do nothing". 

By the way- I'm often asked why I feel the need to go to rallies, vigils, and protests. Someone I knew as a kid saw pictures from a transgender support rally B, E and I went to in the winter. He assumed my kid is transgender- because why else would I be there? Well, that's exactly it. I believe we need to stand up for everyone, whether we are part of that marginalized group or not. It's called empathy. If only everyone would try it.

I'm just so sickened today so I don't know what else to do but write. It's not even really what I wanted to write, but it's the most cohesive thing I could put together at the moment. It's how I've felt for what feels like far too long. I don't want to fight alone. I guess I'm trying to appeal to those who have always felt like they just don't want to get involved in politics. It's time. Activism isn't a dirty word. We have children who have to grow up in this world. They need to know that we're taking a stand for a better future. We certainly have to do better than "There are very fine people in that group" in regard to Nazis and White Nationalists/White Supremacists.

These are not my words but this sums up how I feel:

Credit: https://www.motherwiselife.org/to-my-friends-who-are-sick-of-politics/

Here's what you can do:
http://www.upworthy.com/feeling-hopeless-after-charlottesville-16-ways-you-can-make-a-big-difference?c=ufb1

Something else to watch:
https://news.vice.com/story/vice-news-tonight-full-episode-charlottesville-race-and-terror

Just for your reading pleasure:
For the umpteenth time, having a black friend doesn't mean you aren't racist

One last, really important analogy:
http://whatever.scalzi.com/2016/11/10/the-cinemax-theory-of-racism/