I'm writing this going into what's pretty much the last shopping week before the holidays. Both Christmas and Hanukkah are coinciding this year, with Hanukkah coming in first at December 22. You're running around, buying gifts, or clicking a button, buying gifts.
But are you LISTENING? Are you getting those you're buying gifts for what they want or what they asked for?
I'm in a bunch of Facebook groups and on message boards and I see this as a common complaint. They can't seem to get what they want from certain people in their lives OR they're the one insisting on getting something for a loved one that person doesn't particularly want. The BUYER just wants to see the person open it. I keep seeing "No gift cards. They HAVE to have something to open, I need to see them open something". I also see receivers complaining their mother, their mother-in-law, their great uncle, refuse to get them gift cards or give money to whatever practical item they need because THEY NEED TO SEE SOMETHING OPENED.
I sort of get it with a kid. Don't get me started on the gluttony of the season vs the reason for the season because I don't subscribe to or participate in any of this tomfoolery. E figured out before last Christmas that Santa wasn't real so that was that. It's over. The jig is up. He'll get a few things for Hanukkah but we don't do this whole excessive gifting for any holiday. We buy things as we want to throughout the year and I don't need to see anything opened on a particular day. But most people don't do things this way and it's fine. This isn't an entry about how you should work your holidays or how gifting shouldn't be the reason for the season and all that.
As an aside, we just resurrected our little hoarder's "rocky rocky chair" - a Dutailier glider we had in his room from when he was born until a couple of years ago. We unveiled it to him, in it's new home in the newly renovated basement recently, and he got fully "mountain of gifts" verklempt over it. Merry Christmakkuh!
Back to regular people's holidays where a resurrected rocking chair isn't going to do it, my unsolicited holiday advice- GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT. I've said before that I grew up celebrating Christmas because my parents wanted to celebrate it. When Rita was alive, she still gave me a Christmas gift as an adult, and it was my favorite gift ever. She would hand me a bag with a mess of gift cards in it. AND I WAS THRILLED. I LOVE to shop. If I'd gotten cash, I'd feel like I had to spend it practically- on bills. With gift cards, it would be like having money I could spend on me, for frivolous wants any time I felt like it. It was just as exciting to her to see my "open" my bag of gift cards as it would be to see me open and have to pretend to like some ugly gold leaf earrings my almost-mother in-law once bought me. Along with some Freesia bath beads.
No one knows how to shop for me better than ME. And my mom knew and respected that. Besides, with her wearing an acid washed denim fanny pack and my old Wigwams, we definitely had different aesthetic taste.
Of course people don't always tell you what they want. Also, I'm sure it does take the fun out of it when someone just tells you one thing they want. Then you're stuck with that one thing and there's absolutely no surprise there. Or you're spouses and you do gifts by list, just getting everything on a list. They probably should've just bought the stuff themselves. However, if someone just wants gift cards, stop trying to make Fetch happen and get them the gift cards. It may not be the worlds most exciting thing to see someone open gift cards, but they'll SO appreciate the gift. Isn't that what you want? The whole point of giving someone a gift is that they'll ENJOY it.
If your grown child is saving for a dishwasher, it may not be fun, but they'll be so appreciative that they can just get their damn dishwasher. It's not a gift to give them something they then have to do extra to enjoy- like giving brand new parents tickets to a show they don't particularly want to see, on a night they really don't have time for and have to get a sitter. So unless you're also arranging for them to having the time off from work and you're babysitting, just give them the cash they want! Or give them the babysitting and a gift card to the movies to go on their time schedule.
Someone who loves and gets me buys me a gift certificate to the nail salon I like for every gifting holiday. And I LOVE IT. Because I always need to get my nails done. It costs $50 every time and I don't always have an extra $50 for something frivolous like that. I LOVE having the gift certificate knowing that if I just want to get my nails done, I don't have to rationalize paying for that to myself. Or, if I want to get a super luxurious pedicure that I'd never pay for myself, I CAN. My face is just as happy opening that as I would be opening an actual tangible THING.
Your loved ones just want to know you put thought in and buying them what they want vs what you want to give them or what you want to see opened, IS putting the thought in. Even if what you're buying seems boring or stupid. The same way that you think a mound of stuff is going to light up their world, because YOU want to see the excitement you think that pile will bring. Meanwhile, there will most likely be one or two things they LOVE and the rest will just be overwhelming.
Merry Everything and Happy shopping!
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