Yesterday, in light of all the tragic news surrounding the current state of abortion rights, I re-shared my friend Nicole's story that she'd written last July. It is a very powerful, moving story that explains what someone really goes through when having a late-term abortion. This is her update almost a year later. She is one of the strongest women and moms that I know. I'm so proud of her bravery and honored to call her a friend. I'm heartbroken for her losses but I know she'll find her happiness.
Her first blog entry- Sawyer's Story: Loss, Medical Termination, and Crap Law
I’m sitting down today writing this update nearly a year after writing my first post. In many ways, things have changed and in others, things have stayed the same. I got pregnant again and sadly, it ended badly again, with me losing the baby, an ovary and a fallopian tube. I was told that medically, I shouldn’t have any more children. Mentally, I’m still working on getting over that hurdle.
What I’ve done in this past year that has helped me heal is spoken to so many different women who have experienced losses. These conversations that I’ve had with them have changed me and the way I view my loss with Sawyer. So many women have reached out to me—or I have reached out to them, to let them know that I am there for them, or to check in with them to see how they’re doing when they might think everyone else has forgotten about them and their loss.
Losses do not go away with time. They stay with you and anniversaries are sometimes the hardest. The anniversary of Sawyer’s death (November 5) and what would have been his birthday (March 17) will always be hard days for me, but what gets me through the rest of the year are the support of my friends and family, my amazingly strong husband and my beautiful son Emmett. Checking in with friends or just trying to be there for them on those days is more helpful than you realize.
The situations that have been experienced by all these women I've come to connect with were all very different. Stillbirths, miscarriages, late term miscarriages, abortions, mental illnesses, and post-partum depression. I’m no expert in any of these areas but I’ve been through a lot of them and being an ear for someone can be the best thing you can do. By speaking to these women, I’ve helped myself come to realizations about things or helped myself look at things differently by their responses. I’ve noticed that days don’t get easier sometimes, it’s okay to have a good cry in the shower when no one’s looking and that what you’ve been through can make you that much stronger.
With the recent news surrounding us regarding late-term abortions, I find myself in a lot of heated debates. Our decision to have our abortion was not something we came to easily and we would have much rather had a healthy, beautiful baby in our arms at the end of the line. We WANTED that baby, instead of me waking up halfway through a procedure as he was being taken from my womb. But his life didn’t work out that way and he was created without his organs intact. If he would have survived to full term, he would have needed an immediate kidney transplant, which obviously couldn't be guaranteed, or a guarantee he would survive that. That's a huge trauma for an adult, let alone a newborn. He also would have spent his first seconds until the transplant on dialysis. He would have then needed continued transplants for the rest of his life. This was all a huge IF—if he made it to full term.
Mentally, I was in no state to carry a child. The powers that be are not taking into account a mental state of a mother as well as the physical state of a child in utero when they are determining compassionate care and late-term abortions. When people hear my story, I believe their stance changes when it comes to abortion and issues. I hear it a lot, actually. “I’m not exactly for abortion, but it just depends on the circumstances…” When they hear Sawyer’s story, I believe I’ve helped them see the other side of the coin and maybe, just maybe changed their opinion.
It’s my hope that by sharing my story, Sawyer's story, my update, that more people will see that women that get these late-term abortions aren’t out there, trying to get rid of children that they decided they didn’t want. My baby had a name, a home, two parents and a big brother waiting for him, excitedly awaiting his arrival. This wasn't a last minute decision that a baby just didn't fit into our lifestyle or that I didn't want to be a mom for a second time.
The women that have these late-term terminations are women who are making the hardest decisions of their lives. They're doing it because they don’t want their child to suffer any longer, or they can’t suffer any longer or both. Please, take a second to let that sink in and remember that, and Sawyer’s story the next time this subject comes up again.
Email Nicole:
coley7788@gmail.com
The link to her online support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/822368047860645
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