My last entry was about middle school and how much it sucks. It's kind of interesting, as I watch a LOT of Law & Order SVU reruns, and I watched tons of it over Thanksgiving week, there was a lot of school themed episodes. They dealt with online and in person bullying and tying it to social media.
I'm old-ish. I'm in my late forties. I know a lot of my friends have jumped on the TikTok and Snapchat bandwagon, but I never got there. Truth be told, which I'm sure I've said in here or somewhere, I don't even like Instagram. I've gotten used to it, but I'm an old school Facebook kind of girl.
I also almost never have the sound turned on my phone, another thing I've probably mentioned before. I don't know why but the sound annoys me. I don't want to hear ads and whatnot. That's probably why I was never interested in TikTok, because I'd have to turn the sound on. Facebook has "Reels" though, I assume it was to compete with TikTok. As I'm scrolling Facebook, I will see the Reels section come up and DO get sucked in every now and again by whatever the first one I see in my eye line.
I must have clicked on a Reel, then scrolled up a few times. I'm not one of those people who end up on Reels or TikTok and hours have gone by. I get bored pretty quickly, because whatever algorithm vortex I'm in has me looking at stuff that usually doesn't make any sense. For instance, one of those that say- "I was today years old when I discovered this..." or "You would have to be born before x date to know this..." and nothing happens. I look in the comments and no one else knows what's going on either.
I had to be scrolling and I came across I'm Just a Kid with an IEP and Jordan Toma. Ok, I admit, he's easy on the eyes, and, I say this in only the most complimentary way, and I didn't know ANYTHING about him, but he seemed very Jersey (He *is* from Jersey as it turns out). He was talking to the camera, but to kids, saying how your mom is always there for you, pushing you, wanting the best for you, wanting you to be your best, not letting you quit.... I immediately started welling up. He was saying all the things to kids, kids who struggle in school, that they need to hear, but don't particularly want to hear, from their moms.
I don't follow anyone on Reels or Tiktok. I followed his Facebook page, where his Reels live. This is his TikTok if you are a TikTok kind of person.
I'm not going to tell Jordan's story for him- he wrote a book that you can buy- I'm Just a Kid with an IEP - I've started it and it's worth the read. In a nutshell, he's thirty-three now and a college graduate (not that a degree matters), but he struggled, hardcore, his whole educational career. He tried to blow off school, run away from school, and did whatever he could to fail, because he didn't know how to succeed with learning disabilities. He had a mom who wasn't going to let that happen. He has a dad too, who he is also close to, which I must mention, because he gets a lot of heat for not mentioning involved dads, but he said it was his mom who was physically present more for this type of thing and she is the one who really dealt with the lion's share of his school life and academics. He says "mom", but he means it as whomever your personal cheerleader happens to be.
E does have Tourette's Syndrome, but he doesn't have ADHD or the other typical comorbidities that can come along with having Tourette's Syndrome that make it really hard to do well academically. He IS having a hard time in Algebra but hopefully that's a temporary setback. Having Tourette's Syndrome, though, in middle school, is hard enough, whether it's "just" Tourette's or Tourette's with a side of other things. Regardless of grades or having learning differences or whatever, I felt like Jordan's messaging could be useful for any kind of struggle. MIDDLE SCHOOL IN GENERAL IS A STRUGGLE, in just about every way.
Middle School, especially for this particular class, his age group, due to Covid. They are emotionally and socially stunted. They left school, mid-fifth grade, while still really babies, in March 2020, to be locked up at home, at the start of puberty. They left school, where everyone was friends, hanging out, regardless of gender, where kids were just being kids. They were locked inside, isolating and isolated for months. Then, they had to begin sixth grade, middle school, in a weird hybrid scene. The beginnings of puberty also made them weird. They couldn't just hang out with the same people as before. Their former friends of the opposite gender were now aliens that they couldn't seem to even just have normal conversations, nevermind hanging out like they did since kindergarten.
For E, it was school every other day, in person, but where four elementary schools came together, and he didn't even know who anyone was because they had masks on. I would ask him if he knows this person or that, and he'd tell me they don't go to his school. I knew they did, in fact, go to his school, because I know the parents, just from being around town. His school not only separates the kids into two different groups, from some unexplained reason, but here they were also being split by the alphabet to allow for Covid guidelines of how many people could be in school at once.
E wasn't with his friends because he's closer to the beginning of the alphabet and his good friends are at the end. Even if they technically had classes together, he never actually SAW them, except on Zoom. It was a terrible situation for socializing. Seventh grade was a little bit better because he had in-person school daily. They still had masks on though so it made for a kind of wall up to communication.
We had put him on medication for Tourette's for the first time that December of seventh grade. We will never know if it was the medication or puberty but he developed some kind of awful skin condition all over his face. It looked like what I imagine measles would look like. In that respect, wearing masks to school wasn't the worst thing. I don't know how much worse it would have been for him emotionally or mentally if he had to just have that skin condition fully out in the open. His face, his skin, that was generally pretty clear was a mess and it knocked his confidence in a major way. Even with the mask, you could still see some of it, and kids ALWAYS have to say something.
I tried everything. I bought a four hundred and fifty dollar LED light, doctor developed, medical grade, facial mask that definitely wasn't in the budget. We went to dermatologists. I can't even explain the painful treatments he went through. We took him off the medication he was on for Tourette's. He said that he'd prefer to have tics than what was on his face. I was up all night for months, researching what we could do for him. It's now been almost a year and it's under control. For a thirteen year old, a week can feel like forever, let alone a year. The whole situation already had taken it's toll on how he feels about himself.
He's also just never going to be typical. He's an actor, singer, musician in a sea of Friday Night Lights small town suburbia. He's the kid who doesn't play football or lacrosse. He doesn't wear Under Armour athletic wear to school every day. He takes care of his appearance. He's more nineties grunge, with jeans, a henley shirt and a flannel. He wears a necklace and rings he made on a lathe. He has earrings that seem to imply to some retro-minded or just small-minded kids that he's gay. Living in today's world, coming from an extremely liberal-minded home, while he isn't gay, he doesn't even know how to respond. He knows they're using that as an insult and he doesn't want to respond in a way that makes it seem like he is in agreement that it's an insult. Though, when you're not typical, you take a lot of crap about it. When you're also not inherently a dick, you also don't have a quick burn to shut them down either.
What does any of this have to do with Jordan Toma? Well, in listening to many of his Reels, the common theme is pushing through struggle to be whoever you're going to be. To find the greatness in you. Not to worry about the haters. To SHOW UP - for YOURSELF. I just think that's a great message for anyone, whether you have an IEP, a 504, or just struggle with being a tween or tween in today's world of academics, social media pressures, keyboard warriors, middle school blues, puberty, family dysfunction, whatever. Some kids give E a really hard time about being a musician. They like to poke at him and goof on his original songs. We can tell him those kids don't matter but we can't stop their words from taking residence in his head and hampering his creativity or stopping him from putting himself out there. I thought Jordan's message of rising above what other people think would be a great motivator for E.
I didn't even know there was a subscription to his content or that he usually only visits subscribers. I saw a Reel on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving where he said that for ONE DAY ONLY, he'd be visiting homes, regardless of subscription status, bringing books and talking to kids and families. I saw it too late though- he was doing it on Monday. I wrote him and said that I missed it, but if he's ever in my area, I'd love to have him come to our home. He got back to me very quickly and wrote- "How about Wednesday?". I was floored. Of course I told him, "Sure!".
I didn't know how he was planning on driving around on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, on the most traffic heavy travel day of the entire year. Even the fact that he was going to be spending his day and night doing this is a testament to his character. He could've been home with his wife and child just relaxing before the impending holiday. Instead, he spent it, voluntarily, in traffic, and with strangers.
He asked what time would be good and I told him that E would have a half day so one or two o'clock would be good. I didn't want to tell E that Jordan was coming. I wanted it to be a surprise. I'd shown E some of his videos prior but I thought it would be better as a surprise. Jordan messaged me around noon and said he'd be over closer to two o'clock. I still didn't think that he'd be on time because I saw on his morning Reel that he was going to be all over Brooklyn then on to New Jersey.
I picked E up from school instead of him walking with his friends. He was confused and kept asking me what was going on. For an hour at home he kept asking. He finally did guess with about ten minutes to go before Jordan was set to arrive. Once he guessed correctly, we watched a bunch of Jordan's Reels.
I'm glad I didn't bet against Jordan. He showed up, as promised, with his camera guy, at about ten minutes after two o'clock. B was home by then and suitably impressed by Jordan's ability to be on time in Thanksgiving traffic. Now, let me mention B for a second. The day before, he'd called me from work just to tell me something and it went something like this:
Me: Oh, by the way, you know that TikTok guy I watch...
B :::interrups::: You don't watch TikTok
Me: Yeah, I know, but that ONE guy....he's coming over tomorrow".
B:::bewildered::: To our house?
Me: Yeah
B: How....how did that happen? The "Your mom" guy???
Me: Yes. He said he's coming. He's going to people's houses for just today. I'm just letting you know.
B: :::sighs, then laughs::: Uh...ok. I'll never be bored with you. Just add this to...the Tara Chronicles.
Jordan showed up. He was great. I think he'd been at this since, I don't know, the crack of dawn? He'd already been to Brooklyn and I don't know how many houses he went to before ours. You'd never know. He's so high energy and talks so fast and so much, I don't know how he wasn't exhausted. He comes in, and you feel like you know him already. Not just from watching the videos, but it's just his...spirit. I guess that's the secret sauce to being a motivational speaker. I've heard other people who call themselves motivational speakers though and I didn't really find it to be as...motivating. Maybe that's why I've never been susceptible to being in a cult. Or an MLM. Or, he just knows how to hit home when it's your kid, because he's actually struggled too. We'd all do anything to make life less of a struggle for our kids, and if someone can get through to them, we sure going to take it. Plus, Jordan....he's cooler than us, just by virtue of being younger and having over a million followers on social media. He has social media street cred.
I don't know what Jordan's typical time schedule is when he does this or if he even has a typical. He mentioned to us that every home is different, every kid is different, and every situation he walks into is different. He's almost like a traveling social worker, I imagine, depending on the level of difficulties a kid has, where they are emotionally, and how they respond to a stranger walking into their home to extol his message. It's actually pretty brave of him to just go to people's homes, not knowing what he's walking into. He didn't ask me anything but my address when he said he'd come here. I did give him a little background but it's not like he needed or asked for specifics before he chose to come here. There wasn't prerequisites in any way. I asked, he came. That alone really takes some balls because having actually been a social worker, having walked into some really contentious situations, there is a lot of unknown, and frankly, probably somewhat uncomfortable. Just because a parent wants Jordan to make a visit doesn't mean a teenager is going to be receptive or amenable in any way.
He was here for probably forty-five minutes or longer, which I feel was extremely generous. He wanted to get to know E, and us too. He signed his book and gave it to E, which, I already started reading. Getting E to read, well, that's going to require some more pushing on my part.
Having Jordan here was a really amazingly uplifting, positive experience going into the long Thanksgiving weekend, for all three of us. We all know that we can talk to our kids until we're blue in the face, but sometimes, having a different person do it can be that little bit of difference it takes to get them to really listen and take it all in. Jordan is extremely relatable and I think kids really respond to him in a way they may not respond to a parent. He tells personal stories that are really impactful. When he left, I felt like if E was having any kind of hard time, he could get in touch with Jordan and he'd give him a pep talk. I haven't even felt that with any therapist or doctor I've ever encountered. They just want to know if your insurance is going to pay them or not.
I just want to give thanks for Jordan, his visit, and his book. If you're on a PTA, HSA, or in any way responsible for booking speakers for your kid's school or a school you work for, I highly recommend getting him on your schedule.
I'm Just a Kid with an IEP MERCH
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