Just A Day

 Repeat this to yourself over and over for the next six weeks or so. Why? Because...holidays.

I've probably written something like this before. It's probably been a long time ago though because I barely write anymore. So, read this years version and apply it!

I don't begrudge anyone loving holidays. It's nice if you like them. It's nice if you don't have issues, complaints and grumbles surrounding the holidays. Most people can't say they don't have some kind of drama though. I'm in so many Facebook groups and message boards where people are spilling their holiday tea, I think we all need the reminder that it's JUST A DAY. Or just a couple of days.

My parents weren't much for holidays. We didn't have a big extended family we spent holidays with. I think we probably went to my grandparents nearby for Thanksgiving when I was kid. Funny enough, I don't even really remember. We weren't close to my grandparents, even with them living like fifteen minutes away. I only wanted to be going there if my cousin's were going to be there. Unfortunately, in that side of the family, there were always people not speaking, so the cousins I wanted to see weren't even there for a lot of years. Rita made a killer turkey though so that was something to be excited about.

Later, I guess when I was in college, Rita worked at the Super Video store, and she'd work on holidays for time and a half pay. So I don't think I had Thanksgiving with my mom most years. My boyfriend in college had large extended family and I remember spending most holidays with his family. I didn't come from the kind of house where there was any entertaining going on. So when someone else's family called dibs on a holiday dinner, that's where I went. Besides, I had the Jewish holidays and my boyfriends never did. I really enjoyed the Italian boys so they certainly weren't having Rosh Hashana. If we saw my family it was for Rosh Hashana in September or October and then it would be the guy's turn for Thansgiving and Christmas.

Holidays were just never really stressed as "important" to my family. It was fine when we had a dinner but it wasn't the biggest thing to miss either. I could see my mom any time, my cousins were most likely not going to be involved, and I didn't feel the need to see anyone else. I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I liked going to other people's homes and I didn't really think much about it. I was with my college boyfriend for almost six years and got used to going to his family. I felt like I was getting the "big family dinner" thing. But it was JUST A DAY.

B's mother would call Thanksgiving in June, Mother's Day in November, etc. My in-laws got every holiday and my mother couldn't care less. Not because she wasn't into seeing me/us, but just because it was A DAY.

Same with Christmas. My family is Jewish but always celebrated Christmas growing up. I don't know why. Rita liked Christmas lights and a tree. My parents weren't religious. We had a tree, we got presents, but that was the end of it. We didn't have family celebrating Christmas. Back then, in the 80s, everything was closed except the movies. We didn't go to the movies though either. I think, once I was a preteen, I'd go to my friends houses when they were done with whatever they were doing for the holiday. With my ex, I think we went to his mom's on Christmas Eve (because I remember that seven fishes thing). Then, maybe we went to his father's on Christmas Day, and because his dad lived by my parents, we probably stopped at my parents, or my mom's store. But it was JUST A DAY (or two).

Even New Years Eve was never a thing. My parents stayed home. Some years they had friends over, but eventually, the friends got divorced and all the kids grew up. I still am not a fan of New Years Eve. There's a lot of pressure there- like it's going to set the tone for the year. Which, I do not believe it does, by the way. In high school it was always about how we were going to party somehow. Like how were we going to get alcohol? Even though I didn't really drink. We didn't really have anywhere to go. Then in college, I can't even remember any NYE events. I remember the last one before my ex and I broke up. It wasn't great because there was the pressure of- Are we getting engaged or not after almost six years? Then when I was single and dating, it was all about- is this going to be the year I meet someone?

Then I met B, after being single for five years. Over the years we've had times of parties, times of staying home, times of friends, times of none. We had family, then we didn't. We always had each other though, then E. Whatever we do, we do, and we find a way to make it interesting, or relaxing, or exciting- whatever we want it to be. Our gang of three is the core and anything or anyone else is just a treat.

When you put so much pressure on A DAY, it really sucks the joy out of it. When you have a "tradition", when you have a "tradition with friends", it's great in the beginning, but people grow, change, move, grow apart, etc and then there's eventually a problem or some kind of drama. I LOVE where our life is now, the traditions we've made, and the friends we currently have. I just still think of holidays as JUST A DAY because that's how I keep perspective. If things have to change and evolve, I'm cool with that. A day on the calendar is not and should not the be-all best or worst of times.

I think the best way to look at the holidays is you're lucky if you get to spend some extra time with a person or a few people you really enjoy. Life is short. Be flexible but don't be a doormat. Don't let others dictate how you want to spend your time.

Of course, you and your spouse, if you have one, need to be on the same page, which is probably the hardest part about holidays. But it sucks if you're both so rigid that you spend most of your DAY traveling between both families. One might say it isn't fair to just see one, but it is. Ultimately, it's a DAY. Make another day to see the other family. Make the rule that if one family gets you on Thanksgiving, you have another Thanksgiving that Friday or Saturday after. Ask yourself, what is so important about the day on the calendar? The whole idea is just to get together with your loved ones. Talk about "reason for the season..."

No one is happy, NO ONE, is happy spending the day in the car, feeling rushed, and filled with anxiety over splitting time. Then you're arguing over how much time, where, and it never feels even.

And for you that are parents of grown children, grandparents, and/or in-laws: Stop guilting your kids into splitting their time! You don't want them coming to you out of guilt and under duress! You want them coming because they want to see you. You also don't want to be the cause of inevitable domestic fighting about having to split their time. I'm sure your kid wants to come to you and their spouse wants to go to their family. They already have internal struggle without your added passive-aggressive comments and attitude!

Hey parents (grandparents)- if you can figure out a way to blend the whole damn thing, do that. If there are just too many extended family members to make that happen, then let them figure out how they can manage by still keeping the peace in their own home. I see endless blow-ups online about this and it sucks. All because the parents are giving grown kids guilt. IT'S JUST A DAY! Be the bigger people and concede the holiday for them! Tell them your Thanksgiving is going to be x date and to be ready with pumpkin pie or whatever on that day. They'll love you even more for not contributing to their holiday stress.

Say it with me: It's just a day...it's just a day...it's just a day....

Try to enjoy Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, and all the days in between with as minimal stress as possible. Spend the days with whom you look forward to seeing, don't talk politics or religion, and tell everyone you're not driving around for hours. You're planning on being in a food coma and enjoying yourselves. It's a novel idea but it CAN be done!

Give YOURSELVES the gift of a stress-free holiday season!

America’s Got Talent E-style

E tried out for America’s Got Talent at the Jacob Javits Center in NYC on Saturday November 23rd. This is his dream- he’s been talking about it for two years now. He wanted to be on when Howard Stern was a judge - and it definitely would’ve been more convenient. However, he was not ready then but he was determined to audition for this season.

Frankly, B and I didn’t know what to expect. Obviously, there are thousands who try out and nothing comes of it. As a parent, you want to support your kids dreams but you don’t want to be delusional about their talent either. We think he’s talented but I’m sure every parent thinks their kid is talented. So we took this with a grain of salt and figured he has balls just to put himself out there. That, in itself is a talent. To also seem to have this unique ability, that he does, to not be hard on himself. He gets psyched up to do something - be it compete on his swim team, audition for tv and movies and THIS, but not get bummed out if it doesn’t pan out. He doesn’t see it as loss or rejection- he sees it as an opportunity and just plans to keep on going until he does eventually “win”.

Even if this time, it doesn’t pan out, we’re super proud of him for all his hard work and determination. His only concern at the moment is knowing he has to get on a plane to go to Hollywood. He’s wondering if he can take a train. 😄

The following is from his Facebook music page - which, if you haven’t “liked” it yet- Please do! Ethan Kule Music

And on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/ethankulemusic/

From Ethan:
Update on my AGT audition:  I was called back to sing 2 more songs yesterday!

For anyone who wants to follow along with my journey, or anyone curious about one day auditioning yourself, here’s a summary of how it went.

I live in NJ, and depending on traffic, about 30-45 min away from the Jacob Javits Center in NYC where the auditions were held.  We arrived around 7:45 a.m. and I was done with the auditioning process I think around 10:30 a.m.  

The line to check in at that hour was not too bad. They had a lot of people doing the check-in. Then we went into/sat in the holding room.  The holding room looked exactly like it does on the TV show which was pretty cool.  We sat around following out a questionnaire until they called your group of numbers.  You were given a sticker with a number when we checked in.  Once they called your number, they split us into smaller groups of about 15 people in your category.  I was with all singers.  

If you were under the age of 18 you had to have only one parent or guardian with you so my mom went in with me.  There was one producer/judge sitting in the front of the room with a green x on the floor in the middle of the room. The X was for us to stand on when we performed.  My favorite color has always been green so I thought that was a good sign 😉. 

We all performed in front of each other and I was called first.  I was glad to be called first to get it over with, as I was just starting to feel a little nervous.  Up until that point I was not too nervous.  I felt pretty confident going in. I didn’t practice too much because I have already been performing the songs I planned to have ready for a few years already.  Some people we say with in holding had lost their voice from practicing too much. I know I’m only 10 but I have been singing live in front of people for quite a while now by busking in my hometown, at town fairs, farmers markets, and in organized settings through where I take music lessons.  

My dad looked up auditioning info a few days before and saw online that the auditions were only 90 seconds so we figured out what part of the song I would sing.  I was going to sing my original song “Lonely Boy”.  I also had prepared 90 seconds of three other songs just in case.  One was another original called “Used to Be” and then two covers, “Riptide” by Vance Joy and “ Spirits” by The Strumbellas.  

When we got into the room they told because so many people came to audition that we would only get 60 seconds to perform.  While waiting, one of the parents of another kid singer told my mom that they were from Virginia and that her daughter also tried out last year.  She said that the judge would sometimes call people back but nobody in her daughter’s group got called back the last year.  When the producer spoke to us she didn’t mention anything about callbacks so we didn’t know if that was true. Then, when everyone was finished, they said we are done but just wait outside the door until she comes back in case they need anything else. 

She came back out & called 2 numbers. One was me & the other was a teen girl. She said that we missed filling out something on our paperwork.  My mom was confused because she was pretty sure she did it all.  It was an awesome surprise to know that was their way of calling me back!  I thought it was really nice on how they did that, not to make anyone who was not called back to feel bad.  It takes a lot of courage to audition so why ruin anyone’s spirits right there on the spot.  

This time I was just in the room by myself with my mom and the judge.  She asked me questions about my song “Lonely Boy” and complimented me on it.  She asked if I had any other songs so I told her I would sing a cover, “Riptide”.  This time she let me sing longer than the 60 seconds.  When I was done she asked if I had any other originals.  I told her I had many and I was choosing, “Used to Be”.  I told the backstory of the “Used to Be” and again, I got to sing it for more than the 60 seconds.  She told me again that she liked my music and thanked us for coming in.  

I won’t find out until January or February if I get the next call back but so far it seemed pretty promising. Yesterday still doesn’t feel real, like a dream. That’s basically how I feel besides feeling pretty good too!  Thank you all for all the encouragement and good wishes online yesterday and thanks for taking this journey with me!! I hope it continues as my wish is to keep making music that keeps you company along your own journey though life.

-Ethan

Instagram: @ethankulemusic

#AGT #americasgottalent #nyc #auditions #liveauditions #kidmusician #kidsinger #holdingroom #calledback #originalsongs #coversongs #riptide #vancejoy #spirits #thestrumbellas #lonleyboy #usedtobe #singersongwriter #myshot

Love Everyone on a t-shirt

E is very attached to his old clothes. His attachment is to the point where I have like one or two small bags of stuff I'm saving "for his son". I'm fine with it because it's cute stuff. I have his first little pair of Nike's. His two baby Ed Hardy t-shirts - before Ed Hardy was douchey. A sweatshirt he got his only time in the Hamptons. His favorite hat from his preschool days. There are other random things I can't think of off the top of my head.

At this point, his favorite t-shirt that he likes to wear to his music gigs is on it's way to becoming a belly shirt. It's REALLY soft which is why I think he's so attached to it. It's like that burnout material or something. I found it at a boutique in Asbury Park, on the boardwark, and I'm pretty sure the store itself doesn't exist anymore. I found the brand online but they don't have that particular shirt anymore. More importantly, E likes the message on it- "Love Everyone". I found variations of the shirt, but not THE shirt, with the saying the way he likes it.

He was performing at Garden State Plaza last month as a Finalist in the "Westfield's Got Talent" competition- something the mall was doing partnered with Bergen PAC. He wanted to wear his Love Everyone shirt and was pretty adamant about it. I thought it looked silly but what was I going to do??

I'll tell you what. I just happened to go to T-Mobile in Paramus Park to switch from years of getting ripped off by Verizon Wireless to T-Mobile. My friend Maria said she'd just gone to the T-Mobile there and had a good experience so that's what I did. Lo and behold, as I'm switching, I see a place called "Custom T's" across the way.

I left the mall because I had to be somewhere, but I got E's belly shirt and came back the next day. I figured they wouldn't be able to copy it, but I had to see.

The owner was working that day, and by golly, he DID IT. In mere minutes. He has some program where he can easily find fonts, download them for free, and then just do whatever you want! He copied it perfectly and I had the shirt that day, in minutes!

Now, you might say- yeah, but how often are you going to need that service?? Ok, well, if you have a kid with any kind of OCD or even a husband who doesn't want to give up his Golden Boy (Seinfeld reference), this is a great way to be able to recreate a second item. Or just for a militant toddler (five and under) who only wants to wear the same thing every day, but you don't have access to five more identical shirts!

1st Rockstar Revolution shirt

I've bought E shirts that I wished I bought them in bigger sizes for later- speaking of which.... E had a shirt when he was two years old that I love- it's made by a guy I see at NYC street fairs. The booth is called "Rockstar Revolution". I guess he grew out of it and I was able to buy him a 5-6Y later. He hasn't had that shirt in years. This past Saturday I was in NYC for his acting class and I saw the Rockstar Revolution booth as I was walking around. He had a youth large, which is E's size now, and I bought it. But the guy at the booth said he JUST started making it in the larger sizes, so I wouldn't have even been able to get it from him prior to now. E was very happy to see his old shirt.


My point is that there are definitely times you find yourself wanting your same old shirt but newer. That's the whole reason I even found Poshmark. I was looking for my old favorite pants, just newer than mine. What if you have a cute t-shirt your older kid grew out of and handed it down to their sibling. But you want a photo with the older one and younger one together wearing the same thing? Or you want recreate an old moment or photo with an adult sized version of a kid sized shirt? Think of all the possibilities.

I know this probably isn't what most people are doing with their Custom T's, and definitely not the majority of their business. Being able to just walk in somewhere and do this is just an added bonus. E was very happy with his new version of the Love Everyone t-shirt, because it was green, his favorite color since birth. However, it isn't as soft as E's original shirt because it's just a regular t-shirt. I wasn't prepared. I didn't think of bringing one of his or another soft t-shirt so I just bought one from the store that was there. But you can totally bring your own and have them put something on it.

 

All I know is that Custom T's in Paramus Park saved the day. I don't see an official website, but they do have a Facebook page and are on Yelp.
https://www.facebook.com/customtsparamus/