Tuesday, April 26, 2016


10pm & still playing nicely

I wish, I wish I could write in accents. Like, I wish I could say "THREE HENS PER FAMILY" in a Philly accent, like Jen when she was yelling it. I hear it in my head and just chuckle to myself. One of things I love about her is that she sounds like my friends from college- Rider U. So many of my friends were from the South Jersey/Philly/Bucks County area so that accent is so comforting to me. I can't even spell out how they say the words phonetically- it's just something you have to know. It's the same as how I love listening to people from Staten Island. Comfort accent.

Last Friday was the start of Passover. The last few years, we've been passing right over Passover. We don't "keep" Passover. I think Liz and the girls went away last year and it's just not a thing for us. It's one less brisket meal for B to have to endure. This year, Cunningham, as I call her (and now E does too!), invited us over for a little Seder. Funny enough, both my parents are Jewish, as is B, but I've only been to one "real" Seder, with the whole traditional thing going on. That was years ago. Meanwhile, Cunningham's husband isn't Jewish (as if you couldn't tell my the name) but she was planning on doing a short "kids"-length Seder. Go Jen! Another friend of Jen's and that friend's son were coming over too. It was a full on party!

This dinner was something to look forward to because the kids get along well, Jen's a good cook, and they live down the street, so it was also very convenient. Jen told me she ordered some food from Fresh Direct. I didn't ask what she ordered. I said I'd bring my brisket and a kugel. I also scored a Zadies Meltaway from Shop Rite. Clearly, not kosher for Passover, but none of us were going to care.

We got there at six o'clock so Jen and I immediately started heating up food. She had gotten Cornish game hens. I'd never had them but they sounded good to me. Except that neither of had any idea how long they take to cook. They're on the smaller side- it's not like cooking a turkey. Why would they take particularly long? No idea.

They were not cooking. It got later and later and these hens were refusing to cooperate. All of a sudden B started paying attention and exclaimed- "OH, hens? Those take FOREVER. My mother would make them, it would be hours and they'd still be bloody!" What? We figured- how long could it be? We decided to forgo the actual Seder part and just start with the matzoh ball soup. It was getting late. Jen's kids usually eat around five o'clock and it had to be at least seven o'clock. After the soup, the hens still weren't done. Out came the brisket and kugel. We were eating, talking and having fun. Then, some of the best lines of the night go to Christian, Jen's husband.

Christian, who was sitting next to me, says, "This macaroni is great!". I said, confused, "What macaroni??" He pointed and said, "It's really good. There's like, a sweetness to it". I started laughing and said, "That's my kugel! I made it!" He said- "Wait, you made this? You made the brisket and the kugel- what did WE make??" Jen's face was priceless, because she was still checking on those uncooked hens. Again, if only I could put his voice in here, it would be that much funnier. Anyone that knows Christian though could totally hear this whole conversation in their head.

Jen was fit to be tied about these hens. I will say, she didn't let those bloody hens ruin her night. She maintained full on composure. All her side dishes came out great and at least we got to have all of those. I loved the potatoes.

I think the hens were finished cooking some time around when we were eating dessert. We'd been joking about the hens all night- having them for breakfast and such. Jen kept saying how we were taking hens home. I just thought she was joking. I also didn't realize how many hens there actually were. She was serious about taking those hens home. Her most memorable line- "Oh, you're ALL taking hens home! THREE HENS PER FAMILY!" We all just started cracking up. B asked her if she can make a swan out of the tinfoil like they do in fancy restaurants. Anyone that knows me is fully aware I love a good doggy bag, so I was happy to take my three hens. We had them last night and they were fab.

The kids played nicely all night and we didn't leave the C's house until around ten o'clock. Considering their kids go to bed normally around 7-7:30p and E goes to bed around 8-8:30p this was a long night for them. They all did really well, just going with the flow. Ethan actually ate, so that was a victory for me.

I just wanted to thank the Cunningham family for having us over to celebrate. Even though we didn't do anything particularly Passover-y, which was fine by us, it's always nice when someone takes us in for a holiday dinner. It's even more special when you can really look forward to spending time with people because there is no typical family drama. You know it's just going to be a good time and everyone is relaxed. Next time, we'll just know that hens take an excruciatingly long time to cook or we'll ditch the hens altogether for some other bird. Oh, and that regular, paper napkins work better for actually cleaning faces and hands over pretty napkins that can also double as evening wear.

Happy Passover! By the way- Fresh Direct makes a kick-ass trifle if you ever find yourself needing one of those. I only knew of a trifle from Friends (the meat trifle!) but this was MUCH better!

Very pretty, but not so functional

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Holes In The Noses

Pleasurable Piercings, Hawthorne, NJ

I'm forty-one. Not that far from being forty-two. But I don't feel like whatever forty-one is supposed to feel like. Well, I don't know for sure that it's supposed to feel anything but I don't ever feel any older, in my mind, than I did in my early thirties. I don't really remember my early twenties, which could be because I'm in my forties, but I'm not trying to be confusing.

Last time Sydney babysat, she said her mom would let her get a nose ring if I took her. But that also meant I'd be getting one too. I mean, I couldn't let her do it alone. Part of the fun of being like the older sister (or really like the "fun aunt"- but, see, I would still classify myself sister vs aunt) is doing the fun stuff too. Could I do this? I wasn't thinking I was too old for a nose ring. I was thinking- I know this is going to hurt and what happens if my body rejects it like it did the belly button ring(s)?? I'd always wanted a nose ring. Ever since I saw Kimberly McCullough had one on General Hospital as Robin Scorpio. I thought it looked really cute.

I'd gotten my belly button done when I was like twenty-five? Twenty-six? I'm not sure. It was after my "big break-up". I was just starting my year(s) of yes, where I was just going to do all the stuff I missed having been in a serious relationship from ages twenty through twenty-five. The belly ring was in, especially in Belmar, where I was spending my summers, living Jersey Shore before it was even a thought in any producer's minds. Unfortunately, over the next few years, the ring grew out three times. Grew out, you ask? Oh yes. It was gross. The skin it went through got thinner and thinner until there was just sort of a U-shaped hole where the ring used to be. I don't know how to explain it any better and I'm pretty sure you don't want me to explain further. I'm not sure why I felt the need to re-pierce it and re-pierce it, but I did. I'm now left with a really nifty looking (NOT) scar where my perfectly normal belly button used to live.

All I had left that was pierced are my ears. I had three holes in each side, but the thirds had closed long ago. Actually, I'm not really sure whether it was one second and one third that closed. On one ear the holes that are left, that I wear earrings in, are closer to each other than on the other ear. No matter- I don't really care. No one has ever noticed and I don't always wear two sets of earrings at the same time.

I sort of forgot about the whole piercing thing though- I figured it would happen if it happened, but who knows when. Two Saturdays ago, as I was on my way to be in the audience of Beat Bobby Flay: Kids Edition with E, I got a text from Sydney asking if I wanted to go get the piercing. Obviously I was on my way to Brooklyn so that was a no-go, but I told her I could go on Sunday. She said okay. I was really doing this now. I don't back out of plans. I could be in the hospital and if I had plan, I'd somehow make it out of there to get where I said I'd be. We were ON.

Syd and I after piercing
We went to Pleasurable Piercings in Hawthorne. Liz, Syd's mom, had to come anyway, because I guess the place needs proof of age and consent. No one was asking me for my ID, so I don't know what the deal is with all that. Except that being that Liz was there, I was thinking I really didn't need to be doing this. However, I told Syd that I would do it, so I was sticking to that. I just told her that she had to go first. She did go first, and watching that, I thought that I should've gone first. B and E met us there so we all watched Syd, then they all watched me. It looked a lot grosser and more painful than it actually ended up. I've only ever seen ear piercing with a gun, like in the mall, which apparently, is not the way to go. Here, they stick a huge needle or something in there. I kept my eyes closed mostly, but I saw the pictures B took.

The girl who did the piercing was great. She was very nice and professional. Her name is Amanda and I highly recommend her if you go there. I'd read on Yelp that there can be a long wait. We just made sure to get there right at noon when they open. We didn't have to wait long at all. They explained everything to us, finished all the necessary paperwork, paid and then we were all ready. They're very good about explaining the care, maintenance, and changing of jewelry. They also give you some paperwork in case you're not listening.

Totally great piercing experience. I won't be piercing anything else, but I am going with my friend Amy next week so she can get something done. I'd also recommend taking your kids to get their ears pierced there vs going to a mall kiosk. This is what they do here all day long, they aren't random part-time teen workers like at the mall.


Pleasurable Piercings info
Selfies are not a talent of mine

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Bathroom Wars

I'm so distressed at the state of people's minds these days. I've spent weeks thinking about this because it's in the news more and more. If you're tired of reading about transgender issues, then this is the point where you just close out this entry. I have no choice, in my mind, in whether this comes out or not. To ME, the right thing to do is to discuss it. I can't just let it go because I can't believe I live in an area with such a density of ignorance and resistance to change, compassion, and doing the right thing.

Pascack Valley High School was trying to change their rules about bathroom and locker room use for transgender students. They wanted to make it easier for transgender kids to PEE. They were trying to just do their changes quietly, like other towns in the area had ALREADY DONE. But one crazy religious nut got a hold of the knowledge of such a vote to change. Then she contacted some cuckoo religious group out of Kentucky, and the boulder of insanity got rolling to stop the change.

The change went to a vote and went through. Luckily. The students get to use the bathroom of the gender they identify with. Yay!

Except, no, not "yay!". I'm sitting at my desk at work and my husband just got me riled up again. He told me what was going on about this on the "You know you're from Emerson when..." Facebook page. He was bothered that people he knew his whole life were so close-minded and ignorant about the whole subject of transgender. They've all known people who are transgender, they grew up with, and they still have these archaic opinions on how they should be dealt with in this bathroom scenario. He said something that will resonate with me forever. Some of the opinions were based on religion and The Bible. B said- "How can they side with basically a character in a book written long before transgender was even a topic of public conversation over someone, a real person, real people, standing in front of them, who have been to the brink of suicide over who they are??!" That, friends, is the TRUTH. It's dumbfounding. SUICIDE. Attempted suicide. REAL PEOPLE. How do you turn a blind eye to that?

I'm sure if this is being discussed on the New Milford alumni page the responses are no better, so I'm not even going over to that one. I don't even have to go there- there were enough moronic comments under the north jersey media page on FB where the vote was shared. I stayed up until 2a counter-pointing every person who has something derogatory to stay. Then I wrote my own special letter to the guy spearheading the religious group who spoke at the Pascack Valley meeting, who hurled insults at the superintendent. Obviously it's more than one town filled with ignorant people, but that Emerson page was just a small slice of it in my face.

I'm not going to get into how awful for humanity I feel organized religion has become. I could, because I could write all day on that one. However, I don't have to write about that. The extremely under researched responses say it all. I don't know much about The Bible, except the part I have heard about my whole life- that only one person is supposed to do the judging. Yet, regular folk seem to think it's their job to carry out whatever interpretation they think is best. Putting a whole group of people in danger over a bathroom. With the comments I've seen, I don't know how anyone can make a case for religion when all it seems to do is discriminate and divide. It also seems to be clouding people's judgement to an amazing degree.

I'm female. I have a vagina. I use women's bathrooms, and occasionally, when the line is too long, men's bathrooms. I'm forty-one. I've never seen anyone else's vagina and no one else has seen mine in ALL THIS TIME of using public bathrooms. If there have been transgender people in the bathroom at the same time as me, which I'm going to assume there have been, I have NO IDEA. I don't want or need to know. No one needs to know.

Elementary, middle and high school are tough times for kids emotionally. Navigating popularity, social media, bullying, and just day to day stress of tests and workload are no joke. I can't BELIEVE that there are people who are using the argument that letting transgender kids use the bathroom they identify with is giving them a free pass to check out the opposite sex in a vulnerable state. Really? Because a boy is going to go through all the teasing, bullying, and ostracizing, the dressing, the living as a female, just to ogle...what exactly? If a tween/teen boy wants to see nakedness, there are PLENTY of easier ways than dressing as a woman to use a bath/locker room. A lot of internet porn is free and kids seem to have smart phones with very little restriction in fourth and fifth grade. A Facebook friend recently wrote on his page that his first grade son had a friend over who had a phone. FIRST GRADE. The logic of living as trans to spy is so flawed, I am annoyed I even have to write this.

Someone then asked me if someone transgender could also be a lesbian. I said they could, but I'm not sure what bearing that has on this issue. There could and ARE already lesbians in the bathroom and locker room and you can't do ANYTHING about that. Nor would you know unless they told you or your kid. You also can't police anyone's thoughts. I'm straight, and could be in a locker room, see the most amazing naked woman in there, and get hot over her. My first girl crush. Who knows? Or is it okay to be a lesbian, but only if you don't have a penis first? I'm so confused. Confused why that would matter.

Let me give a newsflash. Kids, most kids today, they DON'T CARE about this stuff. They, thankfully, are growing up in a time where gender roles are not that important, people are who they are, and it is what it is. If your kids are uncomfortable with the idea of a trans kid in their bathroom, guess where that came from? It didn't come from other kids. It starts in the home. Just like the Denis Leary meme that went around about racism- Hate, ignorance, religious beliefs, homophobia aren't born. It's all learned. Maybe you should think a little more about where you get your facts and what you're teaching your children. If Christ is supposed to be all peace and love then you should be teaching peace and love, and exhibiting peace and love to those in need of it most. If your kid is afraid of a trans person using the same locker room or bathroom then maybe it's your child that has the problem. Why would they be looking at someone's genitalia?

Finally, the argument I've seen most often against it is that it could be dangerous. Someone could dress as a woman to attack women in bathrooms. Really? Couldn't anyone do that regardless of law? Have there been cases of men dressing as women to assault women in bathrooms? Or do they just assault as men? I'm pretty sure any assaulting in women's bathrooms has been done as men dresses as men. Just because there is law to protect those who need it, doesn't give anyone a free pass to assault anyone. It's not like a trans person could assault someone in a bathroom and then use the "I was allowed by law to be in the bathroom" defense. If you assault someone, it's assault, no matter who does it and what bathroom you're allowed to use via what genitals you have or don't.

I just can't get over the sheer stupidity this whole fight. For those who are so up in arms, wouldn't it be more odd or uncomfortable to see someone who identifies as a women, in their full on woman mode- think, Laverne Cox- in the men's bathroom?? Don't you have any compassion for how scary it would have to be to look like that and try to use a men's bathroom. You have to pee, but you can't just pee. You have to hope against all hope there is no one else in there, and no one who would kick your ass upon arrival. If your deal is about the religious aspect- isn't compassion part of the whole rule set? So where is it? Only for those who believe the way you believe? A little hipocrazy in MY book.

When people on the Emerson FB page were shut down with logic, the main answer was- "No one can say who is wrong or right. These are our opinions". No. In this case, you don't get opinions. You're just flat out WRONG. And I'm not afraid to say it. Get out of your bubble and do some actual research. Research from credible, legitimate sources (that means, no Bible).

Helpful links:




*Please excuse any typos or misspellings. The spell check is broken and I'm so fired up, I just need this out- NOW.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Free Class!

Kids & Teens
Sunday, April 24th 
12:30pm - 2:00pm


This Class is for all ages.  Parents may sit in and watch the fun and learning to see if it's right for your child. You may drop by anytime between 12:30pm - 2:00pm.   If you like what we do, we'll ask if you'd like to join us in our Spring TV/Film Session.   If Spring is not the right time for you, we'll see you soon!

Come have some fun, we know you'll enjoy it.


Actors Technique NY | 917.763.1777 | ActorsTechniqueNY.com

Friday, April 8, 2016

American Idol Finale

I didn't write about American Idol at all this season. I didn't think anyone was watching, except maybe Rachel (was-Heller-now-Z). Rachel enjoys the country contestants though and I so thoroughly do NOT, so sometimes it's like watching two different shows. She's watching Country Idol, and I'm like where are all the indie-singer-songwriters. This season seemed heavy with my type of music, so I was happy, but figured I had no one to really discuss it with. Sorry Rachel, I clapped with glee every time another country person went home.

I thought the talent was really higher-end this time, and I really liked the Top 10. I knew what order I'd like to see them all go, but I didn't have clear dislikes that I felt I couldn't wait for them to get kicked off.

I kind of felt like the top fourteen all got robbed though. Every season so far, it was a Top 12 and they had a few more weeks of singing. The kids got screwed by going down to one night of singing and including eliminations. That, instead of two nights. I LOATHED the previous "theme nights" they used to have - making the poor contestants sing Motown, the Beatles, or some other old timey catalogue that wasn't in most of their wheelhouses. Boring music they shouldn't have had to sing. It should have always been more of a genre thing like a decade, or rock. Something super broad so they can all find something that plays to their strengths. Or just something they ACTUALLY KNOW. If they know who they are as artists, as they're always being told they need to know, then I don't know why a country guy is made to sing Celine Dion songs or whatever just because Celine wants to be on the show or have her songs sung. *Not really Celine, but you get my point.

They did better this time by not making them sing crappy old timey music. But they knocked them off the show so fast, we barely got to know them. We hardly got to see them sing. They gave those judges more singing time in total.

They started kicking the kids off two by two. Then, they'd make them learn songs, and get kicked off before they could sing them. It was so anticlimactic. I LOVED Dalton. I liked Mackenzie a lot too. I knew Mackenzie was going home when he did. But I still had Dalton. I knew he wasn't the best singer of the three remaining, but he was the most interesting. To me. I knew he wasn't going to WIN, but I at least wanted to hear him sing in the show before the finale. And he sang. ONE SONG. Of the three he prepared to sing! He was eliminated before he could sing the other two. Then one of those judges performed. Keith? JLo? I have no idea because I FF'd it.

I was debating just canning the whole thing at that point. Trent and LaPorsha are super talented. They were both lovely people. Very deserving of their spots. Their music just bored me to tears. I just didn't care anymore.

And I was so over seeing any of those judges perform. I'm pretty sure we saw enough of Keith, JLo and Harry perform over the whole season. That's what you get when you have talent judge. They can't let the kids just have their time. They have to horn in on it. Every. Chance. They. Got.

On the actual finale, I was looking forward to at least seeing the kids from this season doing their usual duets with famous musicians. I thought I was getting to see Dalton sing again at least. This is where I feel robbed as a fan.

A walk down memory lane could've been cool. If the show was three hours, like an awards show. The whole thing seemed so rushed and just packed with as many ex-Idol contestants as they could grab quickly. They didn't even get to really shine, if that was the goal. It went so fast, I could barely make out who was singing what.

I also would've been happier if the kids from the season still got to do their duets with famous people. No, instead, they just had an endless parade of people I don't remember singing from the same shitty theme night catalogues they had to sing from in their old seasons. The Commodores? No one wants to hear George someone from season whatever sing "Sugar pie, honey bunch"! No one wanted to hear it then! I sure as hell didn't want to hear it now. I had to keep rewinding so I could see the names of the people singing and their season. Some I still couldn't remember. There were also some notable people missing- Jax, Kimberly Caldwell, Crystal Bowersox, Casey Abrams, David Archuleta to name a few...I saw online somewhere that the beat box boy was there but I didn't see him. They certainly didn't have him beat box!

There wasn't even any Adam lambert! And then the white farm boy with no real story won. I couldn't even cry and I can always cry. I feel like LaPorsha should've won. I could've shed a tear for her. She had a story, and American Idol has also always been about a story.

Not JLo's booty shaking.  

Sigh. Two hours wasted. Diamond- OUT.

Monday, April 4, 2016

Gottheimer for CHANGE

Last month was a doozy. I'm just getting back to writing about all the stuff that happened. One of those events that I didn't get to tell you about was a meet & greet night that we had at our house for Josh Gottheimer. Who's that? Well, he's the guy who is going to beat Scott Garrett for the US Representative for NJ's 5th congressional district. How Bergen County is lumped in with Warren and Sussex, I'll never understand but the common folk are probably not meant to understand. Or we'd be yelling and screaming that this whole district map is complete bunk. (I like that word- bunk). I just looked at that map. It's literally like different countries making up the district. Unreal.

I've already been to anti-Garrett rallies in front of his office that he won't come out of to acknowledge us. Us, the people. The people that make up his district, he cares nothing about. He seems to care especially little for the rights of women and gay people. He only cares about his people. Straight, white men. But that's okay. He won't be in there for long. But only if we get the word out. I voted for Roy Cho, but apparently, not enough people voted along with me.

Usually it's me with the politics, and B stays out of that kind of thing, at least on a larger scale. He started getting into town politics though as a way of trying to help revitalize the downtown. He decided that running for office wasn't him so he was done with politics to focus on our store. In focusing on our business, he went to do right by a customer and drop something off at a house in Alpine. The customer said she was having a party and needed her lighting so he figured he'd bring it to her. In parking at her house, he got blocked in. Since he was sort of "stuck" there, he asked what this party was she was having. It turned out that it was a meet & greet/fundraiser for Josh Gottheimer. He got to learn all about how Josh is the antithesis of Scott Garrett and way more in line with our political views than Garrett will ever be.

B thought it would be nice if we had something for Josh at our house so we could help spread the word that there is a worthy candidate to get behind. It also meant we got to have Eddie's (Silk City Catering) food at our house too. It was a win-win for everyone.

Josh came, along with Tim Eustace, NJ Assemblyman who has represented the 38th district since 2012. Tim's Chief of Staff, Christopher Hillman, I got to speak to both Josh, Tim, and Christopher, in the group and each one-on-one, and I was then even more thrilled to have been able to host this event. They're all really good people. I didn't realize that I had been sitting next to Tim at the Glen Rock council meeting in support of Sgt McInerney and Officer Bryan Scott when they were suspended unfairly without pay by the now ex-chief. Seems we have a lot in common- support of the underdog. That's what I like!

Josh wanted to get home in time to say goodnight to his kids, so we didn't make it a long night. But everyone enjoyed meeting him, Tim, and Christopher. 

Josh is a lawyer (Harvard Law grad!), a speechwriter (wrote for Bill Clinton!), and a public policy advisor and he's only forty-one. I think his history is pretty impressive. Josh Gottheimer Wikipedia

Garrett is against the gays, I'm for the gays, so I'm for Josh. Seriously, Josh is for equality. Equality for everyone. Garrett has also just held this office for WAY too long. He's old-school in a bad-school way. We need fresh blood because Scott Garrett does not represent all the people, just some of the people, the people willing to be discriminatory. I don't feel you should be allowed to discriminate anyone when you're supposed to represent all and that's what he wants to continue to do. Whoever is willing to represent all groups of people is the one we should have for our district.

Don't just be like some people I know personally, that have no clue what's actually going on around them, just voting down their party ticket. This is one of those time I hope people really investigate who they're planning to vote for. Do your research! Don't just walk in that booth and check boxes. This is such an important election year on every level. 

It's all here- educate yourself and see how you don't want Scott Garrett representing YOU:




Even republicans are backing away from Garrett and endorsing Josh:


Saturday, April 2, 2016

Autism Support

As it turns to April, to a lot of people that means "spring" and to some it means Autism Awareness Month.

I didn't forget to write about an event, hosted by Robyn Levy, sponsored by Velocity 1 Media, that I went to in the middle of March. The event was benefiting Autism Speaks. I just was caught up in such a whirlwind of busy that I didn't get to it. But as one of the moms in town came into my store to bring me blue bulbs to light up at work and home to show support, I remembered to write about it. I tied my blue ribbon around my outdoor lamp post and ran back to work to type this up.

Robyn Levy has a special place in her heart for autism support. We went to an event she had a couple of years ago at Son Cubano in Edgewater that also was a benefit for Autism Speaks. That's where we met Robyn's friend Austin, a young man with autism, who makes beautiful art, combining his two passions, drawing and animals. Austin was at this event and made a lovely speech.

Austin has a Facebook page where you can see his art: https://www.facebook.com/thewildlifeofautism

Robyn always throws a fun party, especially for a great cause, so we got Syd to babysit. It was at Midland Brew House, which I'd never heard of, in Saddle Brook. The place is really cool. It's a really big space too, so if you're having a big party, this is a great place to do it. It's two floors and we were upstairs. It's a huge bar and lots of room for mingling. They had great music, the food and drinks were flowing and everyone had a great time. I definitely had more than what I should have had of their sangria.

Teresa and Joe Guidice were there, as were Melissa and Joe Gorga. You know all four of those names from Bravo's Real Housewives of NJ. It was nice to meet them in person. B and I made new friends too- Cari, Robyn's sister, and Lauren, Cari's friend.

It was just a really nice, cool event. I hope they raised a lot of money.

You can see lots of pics from this event at-
Velocity 1 Media: https://www.facebook.com/Velocity1Media

Autism Speaks: https://www.autismspeaks.org/

Autism Society: http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/national-autism-awareness-month/

Midland Brew House: http://www.midlandbrewhouse.com/

Great pic of Teresa, not so great one of me
Midland Brew House

Friday, April 1, 2016

Sawyer's Story: Almost one year later

Yesterday, in light of all the tragic news surrounding the current state of abortion rights, I re-shared my friend Nicole's story that she'd written last July. It is a very powerful, moving story that explains what someone really goes through when having a late-term abortion. This is her update almost a year later. She is one of the strongest women and moms that I know. I'm so proud of her bravery and honored to call her a friend. I'm heartbroken for her losses but I know she'll find her happiness.
Her first blog entry- Sawyer's Story: Loss, Medical Termination, and Crap Law

I’m sitting down today writing this update nearly a year after writing my first post. In many ways, things have changed and in others, things have stayed the same. I got pregnant again and sadly, it ended badly again, with me losing the baby, an ovary and a fallopian tube. I was told that medically, I shouldn’t have any more children. Mentally, I’m still working on getting over that hurdle.

What I’ve done in this past year that has helped me heal is spoken to so many different women who have experienced losses. These conversations that I’ve had with them have changed me and the way I view my loss with Sawyer. So many women have reached out to me—or I have reached out to them, to let them know that I am there for them, or to check in with them to see how they’re doing when they might think everyone else has forgotten about them and their loss. 

Losses do not go away with time. They stay with you and anniversaries are sometimes the hardest. The anniversary of Sawyer’s death (November 5) and what would have been his birthday (March 17) will always be hard days for me, but what gets me through the rest of the year are the support of my friends and family, my amazingly strong husband and my beautiful son Emmett. Checking in with friends or just trying to be there for them on those days is more helpful than you realize.

The situations that have been experienced by all these women I've come to connect with were all very different. Stillbirths, miscarriages, late term miscarriages, abortions, mental illnesses, and post-partum depression. I’m no expert in any of these areas but I’ve been through a lot of them and being an ear for someone can be the best thing you can do. By speaking to these women, I’ve helped myself come to realizations about things or helped myself look at things differently by their responses. I’ve noticed that days don’t get easier sometimes, it’s okay to have a good cry in the shower when no one’s looking and that what you’ve been through can make you that much stronger.

With the recent news surrounding us regarding late-term abortions, I find myself in a lot of heated debates. Our decision to have our abortion was not something we came to easily and we would have much rather had a healthy, beautiful baby in our arms at the end of the line. We WANTED that baby, instead of me waking up halfway through a procedure as he was being taken from my womb. But his life didn’t work out that way and he was created without his organs intact. If he would have survived to full term, he would have needed an immediate kidney transplant, which obviously couldn't be guaranteed, or a guarantee he would survive that. That's a huge trauma for an adult, let alone a newborn. He also would have spent his first seconds until the transplant on dialysis. He would have then needed continued transplants for the rest of his life. This was all a huge IF—if he made it to full term.

Mentally, I was in no state to carry a child. The powers that be are not taking into account a mental state of a mother as well as the physical state of a child in utero when they are determining compassionate care and late-term abortions. When people hear my story, I believe their stance changes when it comes to abortion and issues. I hear it a lot, actually. “I’m not exactly for abortion, but it just depends on the circumstances…” When they hear Sawyer’s story, I believe I’ve helped them see the other side of the coin and maybe, just maybe changed their opinion. 

It’s my hope that by sharing my story, Sawyer's story, my update, that more people will see that women that get these late-term abortions aren’t out there, trying to get rid of children that they decided they didn’t want. My baby had a name, a home, two parents and a big brother waiting for him, excitedly awaiting his arrival. This wasn't a last minute decision that a baby just didn't fit into our lifestyle or that I didn't want to be a mom for a second time. 

The women that have these late-term terminations are women who are making the hardest decisions of their lives. They're doing it because they don’t want their child to suffer any longer, or they can’t suffer any longer or both. Please, take a second to let that sink in and remember that, and Sawyer’s story the next time this subject comes up again.

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